Friday jokes

[roogazza]

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women

have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

[roogazza]

[MD]

The European Central Bank is printing new Euro bank notes..




on Greece proof paper

[roogazza]

Airplane Food - True Story
Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mixup one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... I truly apologise for this mistake and inconvenience."
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued.. ,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."



Her next announcement came 90 minutes later...
"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

[Swoop]

My new year's resolution was to be able to do 100 push ups by next New Year's Eve.

I'm on 87 at the moment. Hopefully I'll reach the 100th by December!




If millions of German families supporting millions of Greek people who do not work is called a bailout, what do you call one German family supporting one Greek bloke who doesn't work? The Royal Family.



I was really enjoying my holiday in France this year, sampling some great culture and wonderful food and drink.
It was okay until I ordered a beer in a roadside bar, had a swig and gagged.
I said to the barman, "What the fuck is this?"
He replied, "Fosters."
I took it outside and threw it into the road.
I'd just like to say sorry to the bloke on the pushbike with the yellow shirt I accidentally soaked.

[WOPR]

Did you hear the one about the spiteful Dendrite? It had an Axon to grind.

[Smifffy]

Did you hear the one about the spiteful Dendrite? It had an Axon to grind.

Great 1st post! It really touched a nerve...

[Akzle]

This Is apparently true, but i still loled.


Top Ten Lies Told by Men and Women:

Men:
1 - I Didn't drink that much
2 - Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.
3 - I had no signal
4 - It wasn't that expensive
5 - I'm on my way
6 - I'm Stuck in traffic
7 - No, your bum doesn't look big in that.
8 - Sorry, I missed your call
9 - You've Lost weight
10 - It's just what I've always wanted.

Women:
1 - Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.
2 - I don't know where it is. I've never touched it.
3 - It wasn't that expensive
4 - I Didn't drink that much
5 - I've got a headache
6 - It was on Sale
7 - I'm on my way
8 - No, I've had it for ages.
9 - No, I didn't throw it away
10 - It's just what I've always wanted.

[Subike]

Had to edit this



Top Ten Lies Told by Men and Women:

Men:
1 - I Didn't drink that much
2 - Nothing's wrong, I'm fine.
3 - I had no signal
4 - It wasn't that expensive
5 - I'm on my way
6 - I'm Stuck in traffic
7 - No, your bum doesn't look big in that.
8 - Sorry, I missed your call
9 - You've Lost weight
10 - It's just what I've always wanted.

Women:
1 - I,m cumming
2 - I don't know where it is. I've never touched it.
3 - It wasn't that expensive
4 - I Didn't drink that much
5 - I've got a headache
6 - It was on Sale
7 - I'm on my way
8 - No, I've had it for ages.
9 - No, I didn't throw it away
10 - It's just what I've always wanted.[/QUOTE]

Just a slight change

[Jase H]

Had to make some more changes:

1 - I Didn't drink that much
2 - No I wasn't looking at her tits
3 - I had no signal
4 - I love you
5 - I promise not to come in your mouth
6 - I'm Stuck in traffic
7 - No, your bum doesn't look big in that.
8 - Sorry, I missed your call
9 - You've Lost weight
10 - It's just what I've always wanted.

Women:
1 - I'm cumming
2 - I don't know where it is. I've never touched it.
3 - It wasn't that expensive
4 - I Didn't drink that much
5 - I've got a headache
6 - It was on Sale
7 - I'm on my way
8 - No, I've had it for ages.
9 - No, I didn't throw it away
10 - It's just what I've always wanted

[Akzle]

Top Ten Lies Told by Men and Women:

Women:
1 - I,m cumming

huh. well,,
they dont have to fake it with me....

Just sayin'

[husaberg]

[husaberg]

like axels Cock. The message was to short

[Swoop]

Life was so simple before I got married.

I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.

[SVboy]

The new Islamic inflatable sex doll.

It blows itself up!