Friday jokes

[Swoop]

FOR SALE!!!

Selling my old ride. 1982 model. Exterior tidy. Interior flogged out (details below). Very noisy unit. Rare 82 model with dual air bags in working order. Has been rear ended far too many times and is full of bog. It has very little grunt and has a top end whining noise when you drive it hard, very temperamental thing. Running gear is worn, Box BADLY needs an overhaul, been flogged by too many drivers with no oil in it. Has been bored out beyond it's limits, 15 years of piston slap has taken it's toll on it too, can dangle two oversized pistons in one chamber and still have room to flip a coin. Very filthy, stinks like cat piss on a dog shit. I'd put covers on if you intend on driving it ANYWHERE, pisses out leaks everywhere when warmed up and foams at the head. AS IS, WHERE IS, NO WARRANTY, NO RETURNS AND NO REFUNDS!
Make an offer or swap for a , (I don't even give a fuck if it's a 4 pack of vodka cruisers.
(Might be a fixer-upper for a VERY patient and wealthy buyer).

[Swoop]

The Axle joke...


Axle met a girl in a nightclub and told her, "I'm going to fuck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine."

She replied, "Wow! Let's go - it's good to find a man with such stamina these days."

For some reason, she didn't seem too impressed when they finally got to the caravan.

[husaberg]

The Axle joke...


Axle met a girl in a nightclub and told her, "I'm going to fuck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine."

She replied, "Wow! Let's go - it's good to find a man with such stamina these days."

For some reason, she didn't seem too impressed when they finally got to the caravan.

You had me at axel...............

[Akzle]

The Axle joke...


Axle met a girl in a nightclub and told her, "I'm going to fuck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine."

She replied, "Wow! Let's go - it's good to find a man with such stamina these days."

For some reason, she didn't seem too impressed when they finally got to the caravan.

but, fuck we did!

Your sister wants you to pick her up, btw.

You had me at axel...............

we know. We all know.
Now put your cock back in your pants and wash your hands before touching anything else.

[husaberg]

we know. We all know.
Now put your cock back in your pants and wash your hands before touching anything else.

Weak especially apt considering that last week was when the joke was, Yet this is the best you can come up with.
Do you have any other narcissistic insights into your psychosis that you whish to share?

[Akzle]

Weak especially apt considering that last week was when the joke was, Yet this is the best you can come up with.
Do you have any other narcissistic insights into your psychosis that you whish to share?

it's not narcissism when it's coming from you.

And it was yesterday.

You're a fucking idiot. Kill yourself.

[husaberg]

it's not narcissism when it's coming from you.

And it was yesterday.

You're a fucking idiot. Kill yourself.

Oh....I now see why you are confused, so I will spell it out .
THIS IS THE FRIDAY JOKE THREAD-------- NOT THE GOAT THREAD.

[Akzle]

OHh....I now see why you are confused, so I will spell it out .
THIS IS THE FRIDAY JOKE THREAD-------- NOT THE GOAT THREAD.

im not confused. It's not friday. You're the joke.

Lololololol.

[husaberg]

im not confused. It's not friday. You're the joke.

Lololololol.

[Swoop]

Your sister wants you to pick her up, btw.

Don't have a sister, so I guess you are confused with your sister.

Presumably she's not happy with your sexual appetite.

[anebv8]

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college.
On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up and he mentioned that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at a given time.
Just then, a man in the back raised his hand.
"I'm not trying to be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed had about $3,000 in it."

[Swoop]

Taylor Swift has five hundred songs about guys leaving her and none about blow-jobs.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

[Swoop]

I brought a bunch of flowers for my first date with a vegan.

"That's really sweet," she said.

"Well I didn't know what you vegans ate."

[YellowDog]

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


'For F*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

[Swoop]

My old Mum used to say, "Always give your food a good rinse before you eat it."

Lovely woman, terrible sandwiches.