Friday jokes

[bbnet]

My buddy has a fetish for performing cunnilingus on women over 80. I asked him what it's like and he replied, "Ahhh, that Depends!"

[awayatc]

My buddy has a fetish for performing cunnilingus on women over 80. I asked him what it's like and he replied, "Ahhh, that Depends!"

Feel sorry for you if this is considered to be a joke where you are from.....

[YellowDog]

A rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Arab.

He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy.

He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The Arab asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

[Jase H]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYslEzHbpus

[YellowDog]

_________________________________

[roogazza]

[husaberg]

[husaberg]

Its obviously a joke right....

[sidecar bob]

Its obviously a joke right....

Bad acid. The same shit Craig Vetter was taking in the '70's.

[husaberg]

Bad acid. The same shit Craig Vetter was taking in the '70's.

Vetter stuff fitted better than that, both stylistically and ergonomically,
Btw have you ever seen the original version of the X75
I'm not talking the production version (BSA/Triumph buggered up the forks.)
Pretty sure from memory he had a Meitise like you do as well.
But yeah that windjammer stuff was pretty vile.

[bbnet]

Feel sorry for you if this is considered to be a joke where you are from.....

Let me make it up to you by hooking you up with my ex-girlfriend of twelve years ... well to be honest, she turns thirteen in a week.

[Laava]

Let me make it up to you by hooking you up with my ex-girlfriend of twelve years ... well to be honest, she turns thirteen in a week.

That is pretty good, but there is a sick jokes thread too you know for these "not to everyones taste" jokes.

[YellowDog]

Too windy!

[anebv8]

may have been posted before..but.....

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
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There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.
Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their perfect vehicle.
Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
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.Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.
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Question: Who was the survivor?
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.Answer:
The perfect woman survived.
She's the only one who really existed in the first place.
Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
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**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
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.So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving.
This explains why there was a car accident.
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-By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point:
Women NEVER fucking listen !!!

[anebv8]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.
After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a football.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$ 250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is'
Boy - 'I have football boots.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'
Boy - '$ 750'
Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boy's' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'
The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $ 1,000..'
The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here'..
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now'!!