Friday jokes

[swbarnett]

like fuck, you wannabe beige dyke.

There is only one thing in life I will not tolerate - intolerance.

[swbarnett]

... Stephen Fry vid ...

You're right. You have the right to say anything you damn well like. However, I also have the right to express that I am offended by intolerance (the only thing I can't and won't tolerate). You also have the right to not care that I'm offended.

[swbarnett]

Once more Muslims, learn how not to be so self-riteous, and show more respect for non-Muslims,

Pot, meat kettle. If you feel this is not the case please provide concrete examples that pertain to the entire Muslim community in NZ and not just those you have personally interacted with.

The fact he choses to protest over a Muslim joke and not over any of the other jokes, about other religions or groups, demonstrates a distinct lack of balance

The main point that got my goat about that "joke" was the last line:

10. If you find this offensive, you are most likely either a Muslim, or part of the PC brigade contributing towards the Islamisation of the Western World.

This is clearly a prejudice against those of us that choose to show tolerance to another's beliefs. I could not help but take that personally.

If it were not for this line I would have said nothing. There are a lot of jokes in here that I find offensive but choose not to comment because they are not directed at me or any group that I belong to.

[bogan]

They're just shit jokes though init? Restating offensive stereotypes without adding anything significantly humerous around that is just lazy, where's the wordplay, the setup to the punchline, sophistication...

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

[awayatc]

There is only one thing in life I will not tolerate - intolerance.

Forum. Off topic. Jokes and humour. Friday jokes......

You picked the wrong forum to get your panties in a twist.

Why read it if you got no sense of humor?

Don't like the jokes?

Look somewhere else.

When was the last time you posted a joke there?


And as far as muslims go.....don't start that one on this forun
Because its no fuckin joke.!

Feel free to be offended again

[YellowDog]

The main point that got my goat about that "joke" was the last line:

This is clearly a prejudice against those of us that choose to show tolerance to another's beliefs. I could not help but take that personally.

If it were not for this line I would have said nothing. There are a lot of jokes in here that I find offensive but choose not to comment because they are not directed at me or any group that I belong to.

The evidence on here is that you are an intollerent person. I don't have any muslim friends, I have friends whom happen to be muslims. I treat them with respect and they reciprocate. It's how the world works. I am not intollerent and prejudice like you clearly are. Just let people be people. There is good and bad in all. Good luck with your goat group you said you belong to or whatever you are on about. Have fun.

[roogazza]

Don't give me any of that animal cruelty shit.
My own parents got someone to cut the end of my dick off just hours after I was born and I turned out alright.
Although I will admit that I couldn't walk for a year or so after that.

[YellowDog]

I went to the off licence Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle,
the bottle would break.
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision,
because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

[YellowDog]

Damn.... not more of that wretched intollerance. Makes my blood boil

[bogan]

Irony is a type of funny right? like the irony of being offended that someone has dared declare they have taken offense...

[YellowDog]

Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen.
“Your Queenship,” he asked her, “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” replied Her Majesty, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Trump frowned. “But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?” he asked.

“Oh, that's easy” the Queen replied, “You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Theresa May in here.”

The Prime Minister walked into the room. “You called for me, Your Majesty?”
“Answer me this, if you would, Theresa,” the Queen said. “Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him. Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office.

“Mike, answer this for me,” said the Donald. “Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?”

“I'm not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.”

Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.

The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her – much to her surprise.

“Hillary, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me.”

“Sure, Mike,” Hillary said. “I’m not one to hold a grudge. What is it?”

“Thanks,” said Pence, “It’s this. Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Hillary answered right back, “That's easy, it's me!”

Pence smiled, “Thanks!”

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. “Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Hillary Clinton.”

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. “No, you idiot! It’s Theresa May!”

... AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

[YellowDog]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[ellipsis]

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like North Korea.
Ruled by nuts.

[husaberg]

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[husaberg]