Friday jokes

[YellowDog]

are proud of their large cocks

[roogazza]

[Honest Andy]

[roogazza]

Subject: Irish Pillion Rider.

A motorcyclist is traveling down an Irish road when he passes a pedestrian going the same way.

He pulls up and waits for the man to reach him. He asks "Would you like a lift?"

" That would be very nice, but I have never been on a motorcycle. What do l do.?" he replies.

"Just get on the back and enjoy the experience" says the biker.

They have barely travelled a mile when the biker gets tapped on the shoulder so he pulls up.

"I I I aamm aabbssoolluutteellyy ffrreeeezziinnggg. I I cccaanntt ggoo oonn." he stammers.

"Mmmm. I know. The wind is getting through your jacket button holes. Take it off and reverse it.

" I will do the buttons up down your back. That will solve the problem."

This they do and soon they are on the road again. The biker gets the thumbs up from behind.

Soon they come to a twisty section of road, just perfect for motorcycling.

This section over, the biker leans back to ask how his new friend is finding the trip.

OOPS!!!!! No pillion passenger.

He makes a quick u turn and speeds back until he sees a small gathering in the middle of the road.

He dismounts and pushing his way to the front he yells "He's my mate. How is he. Is he OK.

One of the crowd replies "Yes. He is now that we were able to wrench his head back to face forward."

.

[roogazza]

Subject: Grandfathers Know Everything!

Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.

'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse'

'Oh,' Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

[Bikkie]

Me and my girlfriend
play the "England
World Cup Squad"
sex game-neither of
us know why we're
there or what we're
doing,there's little
passion of
communication and
we rarely even make
it past the first stage.
It's often
accompanied by lots
of unnecessary noise,
horrible dribbling and
never a clean sheet.
It's always over far
too quickly and when
it does end we know
it'll be at least
another 4 years
before it happens
again.

[Bikkie]

Two ladies talking in
heaven,1st woman Hi
Wanda.2nd woman,Hi
Sylvia how'd you die?
1st woman,I froze to death.
2nd woman,how
horrible.1st woman,it
wasn't so bad after I quit
shaking from the cold I
began to get warm and
sleepy and finally died a
peaceful death.What
about you? 2nd woman,I
died of a massive heart
attack I suspected that
my husband was cheating
so I came home early to
catch him in the act but
instead I found him all by
himself in the den
watching tv.1st woman,
So what happened? 2nd
woman,I was so sure
there was another
woman there somewhere
that I started running all
over the house looking, I
ran up into the attic and
searched and down into
the basement then I went
through every closet and
checked under all the
beds I kept this up until I
had looked everywhere
and finally I become so
exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart
attack and died. 1st
woman,Too bad you
didn't look in the
freezer-we'd both still
be alive.

[roogazza]

[YellowDog]

How can it be?

[YellowDog]

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plonks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!” “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee, and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior, a 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green .. and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted .. and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior."
“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!” “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile."

“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said .. “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?"

[Bikkie]

I was walking back
from the pub last
night when a copper
pulled up in his patrol
car and asked where I
was going.I said
'Well,I'm actually on
my way to attened a
lecture on the
problems of staying
out late in the pub,
consuming too much
alcohol and the
dangers it poses to
your general health."
The copper said,"Who
is giving this
lecture?"
I replied
"My fucking missus."

[Honest Andy]

[roogazza]

[NordieBoy]

Good technique there.

[Bikkie]

A small boy asks his Dad,"Daddy
what is politics?" Dad says,"Well son
let me try to explain it this way: I'm
the breadwinner of the family,so let's
call me capitalism.Your mum,she's
the administrator of the money,so
we'll call her the Goverment.We're
there to take care of your needs,so
we'll call you the people.The nanny
we'll consider her the working class.
And your baby brother,we'll call him
the Future.Now think about that and
see if that makes sense." So the little
boy goes off to bed thinking about
what Dad has said.Later that night,he
hears his baby brother crying,so he
gets up to check on him.He finds that
the baby has severely soiled his
nappy.The little boy goes to his
parents room and finds his mother
sound asleep.Not wanting to wake
her,he goes to the nanny's room,
finding the door locked,he peeks in
the keyhole and sees his father having
sex with the nanny.He gives up and
goes back to bed.The next morning
the little boy says to his father,"Dad I
think I understand the concept of
politics now." The father says,"Good
son,tell me in your own words what
you think politics is all about." The
little boy replies,"Well while
Capitlism is screwing the working
class,the Goverment is sound asleep,
the people are being ignored and the
Future is in Deep Shit."