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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #4801
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    17th June 2010 - 16:44
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    Three pregnant women are in a coffee shop talking about their pregnancies and children.

    The redhead says "Well, I'm having a girl."

    The brunette asks her has she been tested.

    "No," replies the redhead, 'but when we do it I'm on top, I'm the dominant one - we've having a girl."

    The brunette says "Well we always do it in the missionary position - so I guess I'm having a boy."

    The blonde breaks down sobbing inconsolably.

    The other two finally calm her down. "What's wrong?" asks the brunette.

    The blonde sobs. "Oh no Oh no - I'm having puppies ... "
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  2. #4802
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    3rd October 2006 - 21:21
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    Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!

  3. #4803
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    Health & Safety at work:
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  4. #4804
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    Thumbs up This Time I Know I'm Going To Get Really Screwed

    A lawyer married a woman who had
    previously divorced ten husbands.On
    their wedding night,she told her new
    husband."Please be gentle.I"m still a
    virgin." "What?" said the puzzled
    groom."How can that be if you've
    been married ten times?" "Well,
    Husband 1 was a sales
    respresentative.He kept telling me how
    great it was going to be.Husband 2
    was in software services.He was never
    really sure how it was supposed to
    function,but he said he'd look into it
    and get back to me.Husband 3 was
    from field services.He said everything
    checked out diagnostically,but he just
    couldn't get the system up.Husband
    4 was in telemarketing.Even though
    he knew he had the order,he didn't
    know when he would be able to deliver.
    Husband 5 was an engineer.He
    understood the basic process,but
    wanted three years to research,
    implement,and design a new
    state-of-the-art method.Husaband 6
    was from finance and administration.
    He thought he knew how;but he
    wasn't sure whether it was his job or
    not.Husband 7 was in marketing.
    Although he had a nice,product,he was
    never sure how to position it.
    Husband 8 was a psychologist.All he ever did
    was talk about it.Husband 9 was a
    gynecologist.All he did was look at it.
    Husband 10 was a stamp collector.
    All re did was...God I miss him!
    But now that I've married you I'm
    really excited!" "Good" said the new
    husband,"but why?" "You're a
    lawyer.This time I know I'm going to
    get really screwed."

  5. #4805
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    Do you agree ?
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  6. #4806
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  7. #4807
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    Loud pipes
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  8. #4808
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    Smile Circumcised

    Circumcised ( This is priceless )
    A teacher noticed that a little boy at the
    back of the class was squirming around,
    scratching his crotch,and not paying
    attention.She went back to find out what
    was going on.He was quite embarrassed
    and whispered that he had just recently
    been circumcised and was quite itchy.
    The teacher told him to go down to the
    principal's office.He was to telephone his
    mother and ask her what he should do,
    about it.He did this and returned to class.
    Suddenly there was a commotion at the
    back of the room.She went back to
    investigate only to find him sitting at his
    desk with his penis hanging out.
    "I thought I told you to call your mum!"
    she said."I did
    " he said,"and she told me
    that if I could stick it out until lunchtime,
    she'd come and pick me up from school."

  9. #4809
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    5

    Smile Circumcised

    Circumcised ( This is priceless )
    A teacher noticed that a little boy at the
    back of the class was squirming around,
    scratching his crotch,and not paying
    attention.She went back to find out what
    was going on.He was quite embarrassed
    and whispered that he had just recently
    been circumcised and was quite itchy.
    The teacher told him to go down to the
    principal's office.He was to telephone his
    mother and ask her what he should do,
    about it.He did this and returned to class.
    Suddenly there was a commotion at the
    back of the room.She went back to
    investigate only to find him sitting at his
    desk with his penis hanging out.
    "I thought I told you to call your mum!"
    she said."I did
    " he said,"and she told me
    that if I could stick it out until lunchtime,
    she'd come and pick me up from school."

  10. #4810
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    FFS ladies ……….


  11. #4811
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    20th January 2010 - 14:41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katman View Post
    I reminder distinctly .




    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  12. #4812
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    5

    Smile Stevie And Tiger

    Stevie Wonder rings
    Tiger Woods and says
    "How do you fancy a
    round of golf?" Tiger
    says,"I didn't think
    you would be able to
    play Stevie" Stevie
    explains how he has a
    caddy put a device in
    each hole that emits a
    constant high pitched
    tone he can tune an
    earpiece in which
    tells him the direction
    and distance to it.
    Tiger says."You have
    to understand Stevie I
    am a pro golfter it will
    be too much of a
    mismatch." Stevie
    says,"Ok well tell you
    what 1 million dollars
    says I win or are you
    chicken?" Tiger says,
    "Ok done when do
    you want to play?"
    Stevie says,"Any night
    this week."

  13. #4813
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    17th August 2005 - 11:00
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    I was standing at the bike shed one night minding my own business.
    This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
    I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
    I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."


    I went to the local chemist and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.
    " Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
    I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin’"
    On a Motorcycle you're penetrating distance, right along with the machine!! In a car you're just a spectator, the windshields like a TV!!

    'Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out! Shouting, ' Holy sh!t... What a Ride!! '

  14. #4814
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Smile Fart List

    ART FART =it's
    such a beauty you
    want to
    immortalize it on
    canvas.

    ARROGANT FART=when
    you think your farts
    don't stink.

    ASSUALT FART=A
    sudden attack that
    shoots virtual
    flames out your
    arse.

    TIRE FART= you
    can't control
    the blow out.

    BEER FARTS=Thesecome out of every
    'can' and smell like
    warm beer.

    JAIL FART=Been
    doing time inside
    you for quite awhile,and
    finally makes its
    great escape.

    DONKEY FART=Your
    arse is the only one
    that can do it.

    GHOST FART=You can't
    hear it,you can't see it,
    and you can't smell it.

    HOME ALONE FART=when
    you're home alone
    and a great one is
    wasted on no one.

    SHOE FART=when
    you bend over yo
    tie your shoe
    laces and one
    escapes.

    TANK FART=when
    you refer to your farts
    as 'gas.'

    OLD FART=You know
    how old it is by
    how bad it smells.

    BRAIN FART=You
    need to fart,but
    nothing comes out.

    ALZHEIMER FART=A
    confused fart
    that heads the
    wrong way,and
    becomes a burp.

    NOT ME FART=When
    you drop a bomb
    in a crowded
    elevator,turn
    around to the
    person behind you
    and give a
    disgusted look and
    whisper "PIG"

    UFO FART=When
    someone farts
    in a crowded
    room,label it as
    a "Unidentified
    Foul Odour.

  15. #4815
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

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