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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #4876
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    3rd October 2004 - 17:35
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    6,390
    kb thanks you for giving negative feedback.
    Then I could get a Kb Tshirt, move to Timaru and become a full time crossdressing faggot

  2. #4877
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    "Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars"

    #R2Me2
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  3. #4878
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    No recollection at all
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  4. #4879
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    1st March 2017 - 06:23
    Bike
    1976 Honda GL1000, plus implements
    Location
    taking the long way...
    Posts
    461
    For any mechanics in the audience
    (if there are any left...)
    High miles, engine knock, rusty chrome, worn pegs...
    Brakes as new

  5. #4880
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    09 GSX1400.
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    Horowhenua NZ
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  6. #4881
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Women have eyes in the back of their heads.

    Unless driving.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  7. #4882
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    NEWS FLASH!

    An archaeological team, working on a dig in Pompeii, have found the house Keith Richards grew up in.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  8. #4883
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    Smile What do these words mean?

    What do these words mean?

    A little boy and his friends are being
    called bastards and bitches by bullies at
    school.The boy goes home and asks,
    "Dad what are bastards and bitches?"
    And his dad replies,"Bitches are ladies
    and bastards are gentlemen." Then the
    boy goes upstairs to see his mum.As
    he enters the room he accidentally
    drops a perfume bottle,and his mum
    says "Shit!" "Mum what is shit?" and
    she says,"Perfume." So he goes to see
    his dad ( who is carving a chicken ). and
    his dad cuts himself and yells,"Fuck!"
    The boy asks,"Dad what does fuck
    mean?"and dad says "Preparing."
    Then he follows his dad upstairs.A few
    minutes later his mum and dad are
    about to have sex when his dad says,
    "Where are the condoms?" The little
    boy asks,"What are condoms?" and
    his father says,"Condoms are coats
    and jackets." The following night his
    father invites over some important
    busuness clients.The boy opens the
    door for them and says,"Hello! please
    come in,Bastards and bitches.Hang
    your condoms up here,my mum is
    upstairs rubbing shit on her face and
    my dad is downstairs fucking the
    chicken."

  9. #4884
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  10. #4885
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    I can't see why female linesman, umpires and referees could be any worse than the idiots we have now.

    I mean, if there is something women are good at, it is pointing out mistakes made by men.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  11. #4886
    Join Date
    1st September 2007 - 21:01
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    1993 Yamaha FJ 1200
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    Paradise
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    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

    He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

    But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

    Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

    He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

    What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

    Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

    And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

    The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

    The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

    Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

    Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

    What would YOU do?

    What Lancelot chose is below.

    BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
    OKAY?

    Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

    Now....what is the moral to this story?

    The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way....

    Things are going to get ugly
    Sweat wipes off. Road-rash doesn't.

  12. #4887
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.
    If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.


    Men with beards 50 years ago: “I'm going to the woods to chop down some trees.”
    Men with beards today: “I'm going to the shops there's a new face mask that’s gluten-free.”


    I said to a Policeman "If I called you a cunt would you arrest me?
    The Policeman replied "Yes I would arrest you".
    I said "What if I was just thinking you're a cunt"?
    "There's not much I can do about that" he replied.
    "Good" I said, "Because I think you're a cunt"!


    Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign reading; "& Emergency". She claimed she found it by Accident
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  13. #4888
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    Smile Chinaman Named Hooley Dooley

    Chinaman named Hooley Dooley
    Have Aussie wife and love her truely
    For years they long for little
    fellow
    But them not want his skin be
    yellow
    Go to Doctor to seek advice
    He say he no help,this natures
    vice
    So watch tv while they sit
    Find a way of doing it,
    on the job without delay
    sideways like the chinese way
    Baby born amist great delight
    Little fellow ajax white.
    Doctor say that he don't know
    How baby is as white as snow
    Chinese daddy speak up now
    He say tv show then how
    Hooley Dooley he no fooley
    He use Persil on his tooley
    Rub some Harpic on the end
    Keep him clean right around the
    bend.
    Wife also very canny
    Put white Magic on her fanny.
    Colgate for a final rinse
    Give her ring of confidence.
    Instant starch and Reckitts Blue
    Soon have baby number two.

  14. #4889
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    Smile The Three Football Fans

    Three Football Fans

    Three football fans were driving along
    when they spied a body
    in the undergrowth.
    Stopping their car,the three
    guys ran over to see what they
    could do.
    Unfortunately,they found the
    nude body of a deceased young woman.
    Being gentlemen,the first
    guy dropped his spurs hat over
    one breast.The second guy a
    Liverpool fan,placed his hat
    over the other breast.
    The Manchester United fan then
    placed his hat over the women's
    private parts.
    Soon the police arrived,the
    copper started checking over
    the body.He picked up
    the spurs hat and quickly
    placed it back.
    He then picked up the Liverpool hat
    and returned it.Then he picked
    up the Man United fan hat,put
    it down,then picked it up again inspecting
    the hat more closely and then put
    it down.Then he picked it up a
    third time.By this time,the
    Man United fan was a bit irritated
    and he asked,"Why do you keep picking
    up that hat? Are you some kind of
    pervert or something?' The copper
    responded with a wry smile,"Son,I
    can't figure this one out.Usually
    when I come across one of these
    Man United hats there's an
    arsehole under it."

  15. #4890
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Fair play Harry you do what you need to do, it’s yours and your families lives . Don’t worry about what your dad thinks or Prince Charles for that matter.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

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