Friday jokes

[roogazza]

[Swoop]

Just watching the aftermath of the explosion in Lebanon on the news. Twisted metal, rubble and bodies everywhere.

Looks like Beirut as I remembered seeing it in the 80's...




Breaking news; Lebanese man breaks world record for amount of mentos in a Coke bottle.




Beiruit explosion just shows how badly covid affecting the world... Even the terrorists are working from home.

[Jase H]

Or something like this...

[Swoop]

They said the term “Chinese virus” is racist,
Then they said the term "Wuhan Flu" is racist,
Then they said the term “Kung Flu” is racist,
So from now on, I will call it the Wu Ping Cough.

[roogazza]

[husaberg]

[Dadpole]

This is gold

https://reno.craigslist.org/spo/d/re...175163553.html

[Swoop]

A plane is about to crash and the pilot immediately asks the passengers if there is anyone that believes in the power of prayer. A vicar's hand immediately goes up and the pilot says "Thank fuck for that vicar, we're a parachute short!"

[YellowDog]

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mummy’, the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age', the mother replied. 'It's not polite'.

'OK', the little girl says,
'What colour was your hair 2 years ago?’
'Now really', the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mum won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'

'I also know that you used to have brown hair.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because on your driving licence it says you got an ‘F’ in sex.'

[Bikkie]

This really fit woman with
massive tits and short
skirt got into the lift with
me.The lifted stopped.
"Great" she said,"How long
are we going to be stuck
in here for?"
"Dunno," I replied,"maybe
hours." and as she got
hotter she started to
unbotton her top a little
more.Then she noticed
my erection and started
to smile,after a few
minutes I had her naked
and was balls deep in
her.
We finished our fuck
and she started to get
dressed."I've never seen
you in here before,what
department do you work
in?" she asked.
"Oh,I don't work here," I
answered,"I'm just here to
fix the lift."

[YellowDog]

________________________________________________

[YellowDog]

__________________________________

[YellowDog]

________________________

[husaberg]

[Swoop]

COVID - A disease so deadly, you need a test to determine if you even have it.