Page 337 of 351 FirstFirst ... 237287327335336337338339347 ... LastLast
Results 5,041 to 5,055 of 5251

Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #5041
    Join Date
    3rd February 2004 - 08:11
    Bike
    1982 Suzuki GS1100GK, 2008 KLR650
    Location
    Wallaceville, Upper hutt
    Posts
    5,049
    Blog Entries
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    COVID - A disease so deadly, you need a test to determine if you even have it.
    or you can just wait until it kills you. That applies to a lot of diseases, not just C19
    it's not a bad thing till you throw a KLR into the mix.
    those cheap ass bitches can do anything with ductape.
    (PostalDave on ADVrider)

  2. #5042
    Join Date
    13th April 2007 - 17:09
    Bike
    18 Triumph Tiger 1050 Sport
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,802
    ______________
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Unicon.JPG 
Views:	38 
Size:	21.5 KB 
ID:	347162  

  3. #5043
    Join Date
    21st June 2016 - 08:52
    Bike
    1976 Honda 125
    Location
    Wellington
    Posts
    5

    Thumbs up Australian Court Case

    AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET
    12659-CASE OF THE
    PREGNANT LADY?

    A lady about 8 months
    pregnant got on a bus.She
    noticed the man opposite
    her was smiling at her.

    She immediately moved to
    another seat.

    This time the smile turned
    into a grin,so she moved
    again.

    The man seemed more
    amused.

    When on the fourth move,
    the man burst out laughing;
    She complained to the
    driver,and he had the man
    arrested.

    The case came up in court.
    The judge asked the man
    ( about 20 years old ) what
    he had to say for himself.

    The man replied.

    "Well your Honour,it was
    like this: When the lady
    got on the bus,I couldn't
    help but notice her
    condition.

    She sat under a sweets
    sign that said,"The
    Double Mint Twins are
    Coming;and I grinned.

    Then she moved and sat
    under a sign that said;
    "Logan's Liniment will
    reduce the swelling;and
    I had to smile.

    Then she placed herself
    under a deodorabt sign
    that said;"Wiliam's Big
    Stick Did the Trick; and I
    could hardly contain
    myself.

    BUT,your Honour,when
    she moved the fourth time
    and sat under a sign that
    said,"Goodyear Rubber
    could have prevented this
    Accident",I just lost it."

  4. #5044
    Join Date
    25th January 2008 - 17:56
    Bike
    Africa Twin! 2018 all the fruit!
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,336
    Well done that man, brilliant Post Bikkie.
    Every day above ground is a good day!:

  5. #5045
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    I asked the assistant at Whitcoulls, when the book about Cindy managing the pandemic would be available,

    "I haven't got a clue" she replied,

    "Yeah, that's the one!" I answered.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  6. #5046
    Join Date
    6th June 2008 - 17:24
    Bike
    The Vixen - K8 GSXR600
    Location
    Behind keybd in The Tron
    Posts
    6,519
    Little Johnny is walking out of the church with his mum, after Grandad's funeral.

    He looks at his Mum and says, "Y'know Mum, I'll never forget Grandad's last words to me. I'll remember them forever."
    His Mum looks at him fondly and asks "So what did he say to you then?"

    "He said..he said..."Stop shaking the ladder you fucking little cunt!""




    In the junior school classroom the teacher is talking to the kids about Covid 19. She says "It's a very contagious disease so you have to be really careful!" The kids look puzzled and one of them asks "What's contagious Miss?"
    Teacher thinks briefly and says "OK kids does anyone know the answer to that?" Total silence and shaking heads so Teacher says "OK that's your homework for tonight. Find out what contagious means, OK?"

    Next day she asks the kids if anyone found the answer. Little Johnny's hand shoots up so she asks him what the answer is. Little Johnny says "Contagious are people who come to finish a job you start but can't finish!"
    Teacher looks puzzled..."Where did you get that answer from Johnny?"

    Says Johnny "My dad said it last night." Teacher asks "So exactly what did Dad say?" Bright spark replies. "Well Miss, Mum came home last night and said to Dad "Guess what? Your brother is going to paint his house! He's gunna do it himself!" Then Dad said, "Ho, I bet it takes the contagious to finish it!""
    . “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis

  7. #5047
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only 5 miles away when his van ran out of petrol.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error running out of fuel, he replied,

    "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  8. #5048
    Join Date
    1st September 2007 - 21:01
    Bike
    1993 Yamaha FJ 1200
    Location
    Paradise
    Posts
    14,126
    Blog Entries
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only 5 miles away when his van ran out of petrol.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error running out of fuel, he replied,

    "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
    Stick to your day job ...
    When life throws you a curve ... Lean into it ...

  9. #5049
    Join Date
    13th April 2007 - 17:09
    Bike
    18 Triumph Tiger 1050 Sport
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,802
    _____________________
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Hanibal.jpg 
Views:	152 
Size:	30.1 KB 
ID:	347337  

  10. #5050
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    I had a really great day today, painting the fascia boards on the veranda with my step ladder.

    I don't get on with my real ladder.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  11. #5051
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    In this day and age of the snowflake dickhead, why isn't The Isle of Man called "The Isle of Person"?


    I thought global warming was killing off snowflakes, but it’s actually making them worse!!!
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  12. #5052
    Join Date
    24th September 2004 - 06:46
    Bike
    '76 CB550 Super Sport
    Location
    On the road to nowhere...
    Posts
    7,414
    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    In this day and age of the snowflake dickhead, why isn't The Isle of Man called "The Isle of Person"?


    I thought global warming was killing off snowflakes, but it’s actually making them worse!!!
    Trumpaphobic Snowflakes are melting at a horrendous rate.

    Just saying...

  13. #5053
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,046
    Nancy Pelosi says the Senate will impose article 29 and remove Donald Trump because his covid medication is affecting his mental faculties.

    The USA couldn't be summed up more succinctly: It gets a President who hasn't started any wars and they have him sectioned.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  14. #5054
    Join Date
    3rd February 2004 - 08:11
    Bike
    1982 Suzuki GS1100GK, 2008 KLR650
    Location
    Wallaceville, Upper hutt
    Posts
    5,049
    Blog Entries
    4
    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    Nancy Pelosi says the Senate will impose article 29 and remove Donald Trump because his covid medication is affecting his mental faculties.

    The USA couldn't be summed up more succinctly: It gets a President who hasn't started any wars and they have him sectioned.
    He's pretty close to starting a civil war, would that count?
    it's not a bad thing till you throw a KLR into the mix.
    those cheap ass bitches can do anything with ductape.
    (PostalDave on ADVrider)

  15. #5055
    Join Date
    12th September 2004 - 17:40
    Bike
    09 GSX1400.
    Location
    Horowhenua NZ
    Posts
    3,781
    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	346c481a436b5bf5.jpg 
Views:	153 
Size:	180.6 KB 
ID:	347500Click image for larger version. 

Name:	78b1c41d261b3877.png 
Views:	140 
Size:	358.1 KB 
ID:	347501Click image for larger version. 

Name:	ae6c9617aa9adf7f80e1d66f456bce0f.jpg 
Views:	136 
Size:	83.7 KB 
ID:	347502Click image for larger version. 

Name:	c1bd112414ea1ea27472fdbca975439b.jpg 
Views:	132 
Size:	57.8 KB 
ID:	347503

    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •