Friday jokes

[Piper]

A shy bloke had an
accident and had half of
his foot amputated.
On his wedding night, the newly
weds were staying at the
bride's mother's house.
It was the first time the bride
had ever seen him naked
and when she saw he had
part of his foot missing, she
let out a scream and a
gasp.
Her mother on hearing
the scream shouted
"Is everything alright
sweetheart?"
The bride shouted back
"He's got one and a half
feet!"
The mother called back
"OK luv, you come and do
the washing up, I'll take
care of him"...

[YellowDog]

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[Swoop]

I looked down at my newly born son and as I thought of the difficulties his condition was going to cause him; the prejudices and discrimination he was going to face, and I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.

Today's society is no place for a white able bodied male.

[Piper]

Two Crocodiles were
sitting at the side of
the river. The smaller
one turned to the bigger
one and said, "I can't
understand how you can
be so much bigger than
me. We're the same size as
kids-I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Croc,
"What have you been
eating?"

"Politicians. Same as you."

"Hmm, well where do you
catch them?"

"On the other side of the
River near parliament
car park in Canberra."

"Same here. Hmm.... How
do you catch them?" asked
the big Croc.

"Well, I crawl up under one
of their big Lexus, BMW or
Mercedes cars and wait
for one to unlock the car
door. Then I jump out, grab
them by the leg shake the
shit out of them and eat
em!"

"Ah" says the big
Crocodile, "I think I see
your problem. You're not
getting any real
nourishment. See, by the
time you finish shaking
the shit out of a politician,
there's nothing left
but an arsehole with a
briefcase."

[YellowDog]

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[george formby]

The Scottish Variant made me laugh.

Loch Doon is actually a place not a pandemic tactic. I only mention it because most of the country complained that it was too cold when they were told to go into lock down..

[Swoop]

Vertebraes should actually be called Vertebros..

Because they always got your back.

[Swoop]

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks her if he can say a word.

"Of course", she replies.

The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain".

The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says,

"Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

[YellowDog]

_____________________

[roogazza]

[husaberg]

.............

[Swoop]

French president Macron has been slapped in the face by a man shouting "Montjoie Saint Denis!", the battle cry of the French army.

This is astonishing news. The French army have a battle cry?

[jim.cox]

This is astonishing news. The French army have a battle cry?

Indeed they do

"Sauve Qui Peut"

A proud tradition of use since Napoleon's Time in Russia...

[Jase H]

Indeed they do

"Sauve Qui Peut"

A proud tradition of use since Napoleon's Time in Russia...

Their other battle cry being "Je me rends".

[YellowDog]

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