_________________
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
_________________
Forum whore
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
"The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
On a Motorcycle you're penetrating distance, right along with the machine!! In a car you're just a spectator, the windshields like a TV!!
'Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out! Shouting, ' Holy sh!t... What a Ride!! '
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Here's a simple recipe for turning leftover potato peelings, broccoli stalks and old carrots into bacon.
1. Feed them to a pig.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
If you're ever feeling useless and there's no point to your life.
Just remember, it took 20 years, 4 Presidents and trillions of dollars to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
My wife wasn't too well this morning so I took breakfast up to her. Bacon, sausages, eggs, beans, hash brown and tomatoes.
Just got to get the camping stove up there now so she can cook it for me.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
I saw a gorgeous blonde fall off her motorbike, so I went and made sure she was alright. She was fine. I dusted her down and picked her bike up facing it up the road leaving it on the side stand for her. I said: "There you go. As good as new. Have a safe trip!"
I couldn't believe it when she said, "I could marry you."
I mean, you try to help someone with kindness and in return they threaten to ruin your life!
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
FOR SALE: Homeless man.
Still in box.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I was at the gym yesterday and this 22 year old guy was there with his extremely attractive girlfriend, and he "maxed out" on the bench press and was barely able to do one rep of 185lbs.
I got on after him and did like I usually do, several sets of 315lbs for 7 or 8 reps.
He was impressed and asked me how I was easily handling so much weight, and I replied
"When I was your age and had a girlfriend like yours I was soft and weak too, but these days you should see the fucking size of the woman that I have to manhandle in the bedroom !"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
__________
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Afghan citizens landing at US Air Bases soon realised they had fled their homeland for a gun crazy society, a society which still enforces the death penalty and gives free rein to religious extremists.
Trump:
- Evacuate civilians
- Dispose of all the weapons
- Bring back the army
Biden:
"Let's do all of that in reverse".
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Today i got a memo from the HR manager, for sexual harassment..
All that happened was a female co-worker came wearing a t-shirt with the caption "GUESS"
So i said " might be 32C " ...
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
It turns out Sikhs are allowed to ride motorcycles not wearing a crash helmet. I always thought that was a turban myth.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
L-Plate Rider
A 5-year old boy visited his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma a is
dusting. He looked up and said, "Grandma now come you
don't have a boyfriend now that Grandad went to
heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit
in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious
programs make me feel good and the comedies make me
laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma later turned on the TV, and the reception was
terrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get
the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the
backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to
open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The
minister said, "Hello son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom
banging her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Now that the Taliban control Afghanistan, the new LGBT pronouns are now "was"/"were".
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Community Advice Notice to parents:
With drugs, danger and crime everywhere these days, how good are you at keeping an eye on your kids? Use the McCann-Fritzl scale for your answer.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks