Friday jokes

[roogazza]

[slofox]

That's a fine collection you have there...

[george formby]

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today and as soon as I got home it made a bolt for the door.


I recently joined a nudist colony. The first few days were the hardest.


Two cats are having a swimming race. One cat is called "one two three", the other "un Deux trois". Which cat won?

"One two three", because "un Deux trois" cat sank


They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.


My friend keeps saying "cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck in a hole underground full of water"

I know he means wel



Someone said my ring tone was offensive and I should change it. Isn't anal bleaching expensive?

[Reckless]

Charlie was invited to his friend and wife’s house.
They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen.

To his utter surprise the wife came in and said: “did you like what you saw?”
Charlie smiled and said “yes” he looked towards where the husband was sat in the other room.
“Well come tomorrow at lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest”, the wife said.
Charlie knew that he couldn’t afford to spend the night with her.
“Okay, but what about your husband?”
The wife gave out a little sigh and said: “oh don’t worry about him, he’ll be at work”
The next day Charlie turned up to the wife’s house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home.
He asked: “Did Charlie come over today?”
Thinking she had been caught she said: “yes” The husband carried on: “did he give you the whole $500?” “Yes”.
The husband let out a huff: “phewww, he came by my work today and asked me for a loan, he didn’t tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch”.

[Reckless]

A couple drove their car to the store, only to have it break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

[george formby]

I went to the doctors yesterday and he told me that I had to stop masturbating.


I asked him why and he said - "because I'm trying to examine you."

[YellowDog]

_______________

[roogazza]

[YellowDog]

______________________

[YellowDog]

____________________

[george formby]

[george formby]

[roogazza]

[roogazza]

[YellowDog]

_____________________