Page 3 of 326 FirstFirst 123451353103 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 45 of 4880

Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #31
    Join Date
    21st May 2009 - 17:32
    Bike
    97 tls, 750 katana . k4 gsxr1000
    Location
    still lookin for therapy
    Posts
    897
    Rubbish man cums acros a maori leanin on his fence and said weaz ur bin?? maori sez i bin on holiday" nah bro, weaz ur wheely-bin??? OK i wheely bin in jail
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

  2. #32
    Join Date
    23rd December 2009 - 06:41
    Bike
    2007 Truimph Bonniville
    Location
    Franklin
    Posts
    144
    Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a woman who didnt moan, whine or bitch!!

    BUt it ws only once, and a fucken long time ago!!

  3. #33
    Join Date
    8th October 2007 - 14:58
    Bike
    Loud and hoony
    Location
    Now
    Posts
    3,215
    A man walks into a bar...
    It is preferential to refrain from the utilisation of grandiose verbiage in the circumstance that your intellectualisation can be expressed using comparatively simplistic lexicological entities. (...such as the word fuck.)

    Remember your humanity, and forget the rest. - Joseph Rotblat

  4. #34
    Join Date
    8th November 2004 - 11:00
    Bike
    GSXR 750 the wanton hussy
    Location
    Not in Napier now
    Posts
    12,765
    I just applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green. The Town council told me to fuck off. So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque. Work starts on Monday...
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  5. #35
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,141
    GHOST SEX

    A professor at Texas A&M University was giving a lecture on the
    supernatural.
    To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in
    ghosts?'

    About 90 students raise their hands.

    'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts,
    do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

    About 40 students raise their hands.

    'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.
    Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

    About 15 students raise their hand.

    'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

    Three students raise their hands.

    'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further....
    Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

    Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

    The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, all the years I've
    been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
    You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

    The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make
    his way up to the podium.

    When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
    'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

    Bubba replied, "From way back there I thought you said Goats."

  6. #36
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,141
    I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

  7. #37
    Join Date
    1st September 2007 - 21:01
    Bike
    1993 Yamaha FJ 1200
    Location
    Paradise
    Posts
    13,065
    Blog Entries
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikkel View Post
    A man walks into a bar...
    ... with a pig under his arm. The Barman asks ... where did you get that ???

    The Pig says ... I won it in a raffle ...
    Sweat wipes off. Road-rash doesn't.

  8. #38
    Join Date
    1st September 2007 - 21:01
    Bike
    1993 Yamaha FJ 1200
    Location
    Paradise
    Posts
    13,065
    Blog Entries
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikkel View Post
    A man walks into a bar...
    ...with a frog on top of his head. The Barman asks ... where did you get that ???

    The FROG says ... it all started with a wart on my bum ...
    Sweat wipes off. Road-rash doesn't.

  9. #39
    Join Date
    14th April 2005 - 12:00
    Bike
    1990 Yamaha Virago XV1100
    Location
    Dunedin
    Posts
    3,689
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikkel View Post
    A man walks into a bar...
    "Ouch...!" he said.
    Can I believe the magic of your size... (The Shirelles)

  10. #40
    Join Date
    4th February 2007 - 19:23
    Bike
    None - s'fucked
    Location
    West Auckland
    Posts
    2,184
    Man walks up to his wife with a pig under his arm.

    Says "this is the cow I've been shagging"
    Wife says "That's a pig"
    He says "I was talking to the pig"
    Quote Originally Posted by rachprice View Post
    Jrandom, You are such a woman hating cunt, if you weren't such a misogynist bastard you might have a better luck with women!

  11. #41
    Join Date
    4th February 2007 - 19:23
    Bike
    None - s'fucked
    Location
    West Auckland
    Posts
    2,184
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikkel View Post
    A man walks into a bar...
    Seal walks into a club
    Quote Originally Posted by rachprice View Post
    Jrandom, You are such a woman hating cunt, if you weren't such a misogynist bastard you might have a better luck with women!

  12. #42
    Join Date
    8th October 2007 - 14:58
    Bike
    Loud and hoony
    Location
    Now
    Posts
    3,215
    Quote Originally Posted by Virago View Post
    "Ouch...!" he said.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mully View Post
    Seal walks into a club
    Good job gentlemen...

    So what did the sign say?
    It is preferential to refrain from the utilisation of grandiose verbiage in the circumstance that your intellectualisation can be expressed using comparatively simplistic lexicological entities. (...such as the word fuck.)

    Remember your humanity, and forget the rest. - Joseph Rotblat

  13. #43
    Join Date
    1st January 2007 - 09:16
    Bike
    Yamaha TDM
    Location
    Gold Coast of QLD
    Posts
    942
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikkel View Post
    A man walks into a bar...
    an abo walks into a bar with a seagull on his head
    where did you get that. says the barman
    seagull replies...plenty more down at the tip
    And that is the honest truth your honour..

  14. #44
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,141

    The confessional

    An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

    There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

    Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

    The priest replies: "Fuck off. You're on my side!!!"

  15. #45
    Join Date
    7th November 2008 - 13:30
    Bike
    2007 GSX1000R
    Location
    Hastings
    Posts
    2,141

    The Power of a Badge......

    DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
    The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

    The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

    "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.....
    On any land. No questions asked or answers given.

    Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

    The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

    A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...

    With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

    The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

    "Your badge......

    Show HIM, your BADGE! "

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •