What do you get if you drop a bag of maltesers at a weight watchers meeting?
A real life game of hungry hungry hippos
Dickens Cider
What do you get if you drop a bag of maltesers at a weight watchers meeting?
A real life game of hungry hungry hippos
No body move... I dropped my brain
Weekend cruiser
I met a girl in the park, there was a instant spark between us.
As she fell to the ground and i had sex with her, i thought...
Dam these taser guns are worth the money!
When the flag drops, the bullshit stops.
Weekend cruiser
I'm SICK of double standards. My girlfriend buys a 'Rampant Rabbit with attachments' and she's seen as a 'naughty fun girl with a special new toy'.
But when i go and order a '240 volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus, imitation shit dribble, semen collection tray, and built in sadistic rape sound system', then that supposedly makes me some kind of pervert?
When the flag drops, the bullshit stops.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
If Claudia Shiffer married Brains from Thunderbirds;
Would that make her Claudia Shiffer-Brains?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
The instructions are simple...
My daughter came home from school in tears.
I asked "What's the matter love?"
She said "One of my teachers was arrested for abusing children today."
I put my arm around her. "Did he do anything to you?"
She shook her head "No."
I asked "Then why are you crying?"
She sobbed "Even the fucking paedophiles aren't interested in me coz I'm ginger."
I didn't know what to say to her, she had a point.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
So, X-rated websites have been given the approval to have the XXX domain name?
Surely this is going to confuse the Americans when they are shopping for clothes online?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
There was a knock on the door this morning.
I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who
aid: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said "Come in and sit down. Now, what do you want to talk
about"?
He said, " Fucked if I know I've never got this far before".
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Little Johnny & James are playing in the street when Johnny jumps into a cardboard box & goes "Brumbrrrr brrrr brum brum"
"What ya doing?" James asks
"I'm a lorry driver" says Johnny. James starts doing press ups
"What ya doing?" asks Johnny
James replies "I'm fucking your bird while you're away!"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful woman "Will you marry me?"
The woman said "NO".
.....and the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big-titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussy and ass-fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up
...... The end
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I got a pie from the bakers today. As I was leaving I passed a black fella coming in. Then, the strangest thing happened. Me and this chap both heard it as clear as day! A little voice came out of my pie bag. It said "why don't you just piss off back to Africa, nigger." We were both furious, and took the pie to the baker to confront him about his racist pastry.
Turns out, it was a Ku Klux flan.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
ArseBiscuit
That reminds me of an old favourite:
A black buys some cheese and is on the way home to feed his family. He drops it, it rolls down a hill, and a Puertorican guy picks it up, who decides to take it home to his own family. He gets home and says,
"Hi honey, I found a piece of Nacho cheese."
The wife asks, "But how do you know it's Nacho cheese?"
"Well, the black guy running after me was yelling, 'Hey, man, that's nacho cheese, man, that's nacho cheese!'"
Has left the building
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.
After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
Weekend cruiser
Hmm the Arab was obviously not a real golfer... or he would have known that he was supposed to do the back nine.Originally Posted by crazyhorse
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I just rung my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay after the Tsunami and all he did was go on about his social life.
Just kept going on and on about a huge rave.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
There are 3 things in life that are certain -
Death,
Taxes,
and that if you load up Windows Media Player and the volume control is set right down to 2 or 5 out of 100, it means that the last person on there was watching porn.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
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