I heard some where that masturbating causes memory loss.
I can't remember where though.
Dickens Cider
I heard some where that masturbating causes memory loss.
I can't remember where though.
No body move... I dropped my brain
Dickens Cider
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
No body move... I dropped my brain
Aclass fukeruperer
Hone Harawira......
the prophet!!
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
BBC News - Zawahiri 'becomes Al-Qaeda chief'
Note to Americans, check his house first.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
The instructions are simple...
As a law enforcement officer I have been approached by several people lately wanting to know how to identify a Meth Lab. Below is a picture of four Labs. I think it's pretty obvious which one is the Meth Lab. I hope this helps. Let me know if I can be of any further service in this matter.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Has left the building
John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman were sitting round a camp fire discussing who was the Hardest.
Eastwood says, "I killed a bear with my bare hands"
Newman says "I wrestled two adult Crocs, gouged both thier eyes out and killed them both!"
John Wayne just sat there saying nothing, poking the fire with his cock
DILLIGAF
Subject: NOT Politically correct! Good old Oswald Bastable!
Q: A car full of Pakistanis and a car full of Somalis are racing down a hill. They both fall off a cliff at the same time, who wins?
A: Civilization.
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A cop in London stops a Muslim leading a cow down the street. He asks "What are you doing with a cow in the middle of town?"
The Muslim says, "I am taking it home to keep it in my house."
The copper asks, "What about all the flies, the shit and the stink?"
The Muslim thinks a moment and replies, "The cow will just have to get used to it."
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Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
A: Hit an Ethiopian Muslim in the face with a frying pan.
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Q: What do Muslim men think is the best thing about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
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Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a Muslim?
A: You should take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
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A Muslim man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist.
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
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Q: Why do Pakis smell?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
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Q: What do you have when an Egyptian Muslim is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Ahmed goes up to his friend Mahmud and asks, "What's black, blue and yellow and doesn't like sex very much?"
Mahmud shakes his head and says, "I give up - what?"
Ahmed answers, "The 6 year old Chinese girl in the trunk of my car."
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Q: What's wrong with 15 Pakis on a bus at the bottom of a pond?
A: The bus has 16 seats.
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Q. Why should they use Muslims instead of laboratory rats in experiments?
A. Muslims breed faster and you won't get so attached to them.
WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.
SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER
DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!
Missing my buddy Morepower
Well, a Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato'.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would eat properly so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for those hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, she must watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
They sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ).
So that when she graduated she'd really be "in the Chips".
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Richie Benaud.
"Richie Benaud!!!!", they cried. They were very upset and told Yam "You can't possibly marry Richie Benaud because he's just ......
Are you ready for this? Are you sure?
*
OK! You asked for it: Here it is!
*
*
... just a COMMONTATER!"
Highway Biker
a jet of people is flying over the atlantic. all of the passengers are being right pains in the ass constantly harrasing the stewards and claiming the pilots are shit Suddenly the engine burst on fire. None of the passengers notice.
5 minutes later the pilots voice comes over the intercom.
Ladies and gentleman this is you captain speaking. if you will look out the right hand side of the aircraft you will see the engine is on fire. and if you look out the left hand side of the aircraft you will see 3 parachutes. this is myself, the co pilot and the steward. This is a recorded message have a nice day.
Highway Biker
2 hill billy brother go deer hunting. When the plane comes to pick them up from the wilderness the have 12 deer. The pilot tells them thats too many. After a bit of arguing the pilot gives in. 20 minutes later the plane crashes into a mountain from flying so low. The pilot gets out and exclaims "where the fuck are we"
One of the brothers tells him exactly where they are.
"how do you know that" the pilot replies expecting to see him pull out a GPS.
Cuase where 100m from where we crashed last year.
Missing my buddy Morepower
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown, sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn around!"
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
"I shall go to the toilet now," said the mother-in-law, "And if I see another fly around that beef when I come back, I won't be eating mine!"
Later on I had to ask, "So how was it then Irene?"
"Fantastic tasty cut of meat," she said, "And not a fly in sight!"
"I should hope not!" I said. "I used a whole can of fly spray on your plate."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
L-Plate Rider
jesus walks into a bar and hands the inn keeper three nails and says " can you put me up for the night"
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I went to the horse racing for the first time ever at the weekend. I haven't got a clue about betting, so I walked up to the counter and said, "Excuse me. Could you explain to me what an each way bet is please?"
The man said, "No problem Sir. An each way bet is split into two stakes. The first is a bet on the horse to win. The second is a proportional bet on the horse to finish in a place. This can be first, second, third or even fourth, depending on the amount of horses running in the race."
I said, "That sounds perfect for me! Can I have five dollars each way on number four please?"
"No," he replied.
"Oh," I said, "And why's that?"
"This is a hot dog stand."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Missing my buddy Morepower
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists, a university graduate and an old aboriginal man.
They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to think about it then come up with a short poem that contained that word.
The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '
First to recite his poem was the university graduate.
He stepped up to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu
The crowd went crazy. No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought.
The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop-up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu
The aboriginal won.
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