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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #1141
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    Saddam Hussein check, Osama Bin Laden check, Colonel Gaddafi check, Justin Beiber............




    USA - World's only superpower, Spy satellites, stealth aircraft, drones, super-trained special forces, CIA spy network - 10 years on they find Bin Laden at home.
    Libya - Toyota RAV 4 with 12 bore shotgun mounted on the back - 2 months on and they find Gaddafi at home.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  2. #1142
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    People are saying that the news of Gaddafi's death and the end of Westlife are both causes for celebration.

    I don't think that's fair, one caused untold suffering to millions and was universally despised by all right minded people the other was just your typical middle eastern despot!
    No body move... I dropped my brain

  3. #1143
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    Just found out they finally killed the Colonel.

    I hope he gave KFC that secret recipe before it was too late!





    Yo Muammar's so fat that the entire population of Libya hate him.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  4. #1144
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    The Agony of Dyslexia

    After Daylight Saving Time ended I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend.
    He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

    I said to him:

    "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  5. #1145
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    18th July 2007 - 18:32
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    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

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    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  6. #1146
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    an't that the truth


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    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  7. #1147
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    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  8. #1148
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    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  9. #1149
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    I'm sick of the trick or treaters, so I'm turning the lights out and pretending I'm not in.

    Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  10. #1150
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    A buddhist walks into Subway and says, "Make me one with everything!"
    Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!

  11. #1151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laava View Post
    A buddhist walks into Subway and says, "Make me one with everything!"
    An interviewer told that joke to the Dalai Lama, he didn't get it though...
    "A shark on whiskey is mighty risky, but a shark on beer is a beer engineer" - Tad Ghostal

  12. #1152
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    i care

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    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  13. #1153
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    Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

    She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."

    After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"

    She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.

    After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"

    She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  14. #1154
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    An oldie . but a goodie ...

    The following is a question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid - term exam.

    The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
    ...
    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

    Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  15. #1155
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    Blonde drops a black cocktail dress off to the cleaners.

    As she leaves the cashier says, "Come again."

    She replies, "No, it's toothpaste this time, you nosey bitch!"
    "Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination."

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