Fair weather rider
Every now and then a song comes along that manages to put into words what most of us would struggle to define. Click link for neo-pop poetic subtlety at it's most transcendent:
Song: 'I just had sex and it felt so good'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Just been watching the news and OJ Simpson has been up to his old tricks again.
This time he's been found guilty in the Michael Jackson trial.
Don't blame it on sunshine, don't blame it on moonlight, don't blame it on a good time, blame it on the Murray.
I've just started a fund to pay for Conrad Murray to become Justin beiber's private doctor when released.... all donations welcome!
Why do The Environmentalists have an issue with Conrad Murray?
Because he put plastic in the ground.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Last night I thought it would be funny to try and impress people by pulling the cloth from a table, without breaking anything.
Far from being impressed, the members of the snooker club were extremely pissed off.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Weekend cruiser
Mate just sent me this ... Couldn't help my self
http://youtu.be/pAYS4qN8w5U
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The Olympic Flag now has only 4 rings: Green, blue, red and black.
The Greeks had to pawn the gold one.
What happened to the Greek economy?
They spent it all on plates!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
"trolling"
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Do Americans realise today is 11/11/11 and not 11/11/11?
I spotted a fat chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over.
"Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked.
"Oh yes, definitely," she giggled.
"Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Hardcore Biker
Butt sex is a bit like spinach, if your forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I was lying in bed when the bathroom door opened slowly.
My wife slipped out wearing a skimpy nightie and paraded around the bed seductively.
"I've been thinking dear, how about a bit of role reversal play tonight?" I asked
"Ooh yes, that sounds like fun" She replied.
"Good. Then fuck off, I've got a headache"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
"trolling"
PHOTOCOPIERS: are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrongbuttons.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it wouldbe male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
SPONGES: are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)
Fair weather rider
One morning the wife was awakened by a knock at the door. Her husband was in the bathroom shaving, so she quickly threw on a robe and hurried downstairs. Opening the front door she saw Dave, her husband's best friend. Dave, upon seeing his best friend's wife in a bathrobe, said- "I'll give you $100 dollars if you open up that robe and give me a peek". She thought about it for a moment, glanced over shoulder and then, with a sly smile revealed herself in all her glory in the clear morning light. Dave's jaw dropped and almost as soon as it began the moment was over. As promised, he pulled out a $100 bill from his wallet, thanked her and ran back to his car. "Who was that?" her husband called out from above. "It was just Dave" she said, closing the door. "Great!" her husband replied- "Did he have that $100 he owes me?"
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I was discussing 'head transplants' with a young man today and said,
"Surely the term 'head transplant' doesn't even exist? The brain is the seat of the personality and cognitive abilities. The body, however, cannot function without the brain, so technically we should refer to it as a, 'body transplant'."
"That's an interesting concept," he replied, "But this is double murder either way and you're still under arrest."
I bought a new guard dog yesterday.
It's useless, it lets anybody in.
Fucking NZ border collie.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I was stopped by a policeman the other day.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," I replied
He said, "There is no traffic."
I answered, "That's how far behind I am!"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
"trolling"
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to goanywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Daniel Radcliffe has revealed that he was "dependent on alcohol" to make it through the final Harry Potter films.
That makes two of us.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
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