Forum whore
He was in ecstasy, with a smile on his face, As his girlfriend moved forwards then backwards.....
forwards then backwards.....
back and forth..
back and forth..
In and out..
in and out..
Her heart was pounding faster, her face was getting flushed & she started to grunt and groan.
Then she let out one almighty scream!!!
"I can't park this fuckin car! You do it!
On a Motorcycle you're penetrating distance, right along with the machine!! In a car you're just a spectator, the windshields like a TV!!
'Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out! Shouting, ' Holy sh!t... What a Ride!! '
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
My girlfriend came into the room all excited and said, "My friend said she saw you going into the jewellers and the florists yesterday! What are you planning?"
I replied "Well I was planning to have a shit but none of those shops let me use their toilet."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
The instructions are simple...
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife when she was in labour. "Fuck off you arsehole!" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
'tart tourmenter
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome, and sex with 2 people is called a twosome, I now know why they call me handsome!
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
'tart tourmenter
So.. 40% of men over 40 suffer from erection problems.
Looking at 40% of women over 40, it's not fucking difficult to see why!
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client.
Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free meals & accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.
You know where to apply.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I recently saw some porn made during the second World War. The stars were a British soldier and a German woman.
The soldier slowly unbuttons the woman's blouse, kissing her neck as he does so. He then unclips her bra to reveal her round, pert breasts. He licks and then sucks gently on her erect nipples.
Next, he removes her skirt. She is wearing black stockings and suspenders, with lacy knickers. He nudges her underwear to one side so that he can spread her moist lips, teasing her with his fingers.
He then pulls her knickers off completely, and pushes her onto the bed. The Brit looks over the German, in complete control.
He kneels down and begins to lap at her pussy, slowly at first, then building up speed. He flicks her clit relentlessly. She starts to moan, clasping the headboard tightly in readiness for the climax. The end is near, and they both know it.
She wriggles on the bed, helpless at what is about to happen.
At that point, an American soldier kicks down the door, pushes the Brit to one side, and spunks in the German's face.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I bumped into an old friend and said to him, "I hear you lost your job as an NCEA Geography teacher?"
"Yeah, I've no idea why but it doesn't matter now as I'm moving to Australia to teach."
"Why go all that way for a job?"
He replied "Because apparently Toronto has some of the best schools in the world."
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
The instructions are simple...
If a tree falls on a woman and no one is around to hear it, what was a tree doing in the kitchen?
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Life is like toilet paper.
Either you're on a roll or you're taking shit from some asshole.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Bogeyman
If a tree falls in the forest...Originally Posted by MSTRS
Catholicism: It fell for our sins.
Judaism: Oy, the tree fell, again?!
Buddhism: There is no tree.
Islam: Islam is not really about knocking over trees.
Fundamentalism: The tree was Evil.
Racism: That kind of tree is always falling.
Plagiarism: That kind of tree is always falling.
Defeatism: All the trees are going to fall.
Pessimism: That is the forest of the fallen tree.
Optimism: Almost all the trees are standing.
Capitalism: Let's sell the wood.
Globalism: Let's sell the wood, half way around the world.
Communism: Let's knock over all the other trees.
Socialism: Let's ask the other trees to fall.
Nepotism: Give the tree to my cousin.
Isolationism: That tree is none of our business, in fact, neither is the forest.
And the one that actually tries to answer the question asked...
Quantum Physics: Of course not, by definition.
Go soothingly on the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon
$1,101,806
Just came around on the Swazi news letter....not bad me thinks...AND CHECK OUT THE POSTING NUMBER 1198....reserved for a Ducati fan I think
A heartwarming Lawyer story
One afternoon a Lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he quickly ordered his driver to stop while he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Pray tell me, why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass"
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I will feed you," the Lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along, for I have more than enough for all" the Lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the Lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the Lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The Lawyer replied, "Glad to do it."
"You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
$1,101,806
I could nae help my self.....
http://www.1199panigale.ducati.com/en/
Grumpy Old Bastard
Beer...
I was standing in a bar in Barcelona and this little Chinese guy comes in
and stands next to me.
I said to him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu,
Karate or Ju-Jitsu?”
He says “No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee”?
“No”, I say, "it’s because you’re drinking my beer, you slanty eyed little sh-it".
. “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis
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