Hey, did I tell you about the sweater I got for Christmas?
I mean, I'd rather have had a screamer, or a moaner, but its OK really.
"channellling the Pleideans"
Hey, did I tell you about the sweater I got for Christmas?
I mean, I'd rather have had a screamer, or a moaner, but its OK really.
I thought elections were decided by angry posts on social media. - F5 Dave
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Kim Jong Il died leaving North Korea to his son.
That's like your dad giving you a car, after he's crashed it into a tree, with a dead whore in the back seat and a bag of coke in the glove compartment!
What's the difference between Futurama and the Labour party?
Futurama only has one Bender.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
BogOff-Cant you see I'm busy?
From a Teacher - short and to the point.
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of
capital letters. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
Is everybody clear on that!!!?
Invisible up close
You should get the bulemics calendar, lots of chocolate crammed in every windowOriginally Posted by Swoop
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.
The instructions are simple...
A friend of mine just bought a new Xmas tree. Thinking she might need help, I asked her if she was going to put it up herself? "No" she replied "I thought it would look nice in the corner of the living room".
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Hardcore Biker
God made every person different...
He got tired by the time he got to china
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Hans, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
Hans leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Euros?"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Fair weather rider
Q: what's the difference between a oral thermometer and an anal thermometer?
A: the taste
Hardcore Biker
Q. Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
Dickens Cider
Was it just me, or did Justin Bieber look kinda jealous when that ball dropped on New Year's Eve.
No body move... I dropped my brain
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Scientist - "My findings are pointless when taken out of context".
Media - Scientist claims "findings are pointless"
I've decided to name my new curry "Frodo".
It destroys the ring in a fiery inferno, after 10 painful hours.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Give a man a job and you have an employee.
Teach a man how to shift blame and you have a manager.
I have to say I was never a fan of Sex and the City, but after seeing War Horse I have a much better opinion of Sarah Jessica Parker!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
My mate was showing off his iPad, which now has the function to boil the kettle and dim lights wirelessly.
'Wow' I said 'that's very impressive, but I think I've got something that tops that'
'Yeah' he said 'What's that then?'
'Well what I do is take these actual fucking legs and walk into the actual fucking kitchen and switch them on myself, you fat wanker'.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
"channellling the Pleideans"
I thought elections were decided by angry posts on social media. - F5 Dave
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