Friday jokes

[Stirts]

I'd forgotten about "Roll your own", the game the whole family can play

and after a date and there's no awkward 'meeting the parents'.

[mashman]

and after a date and there's no awkward 'meeting the parents'.

as long as there's no skeletons in the closet

[Stirts]

as long as there's no skeletons in the closet

There are no skeletons in my closet.

Only a black latex dildo suit.

[blackdog]

There are no skeletons in my closet.

Only a black latex dildo suit.

Pics or it never existed.

Actually don't worry, how could you make that shit up.

[Stirts]

Pics or it never existed.

Actually don't worry, how could you make that shit up.

[blackdog]

You need to shave your hands my dear.

[Stirts]

You need to shave your hands my dear.

Womanzee Syndrome is no larfing matter

[jimichelle]

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedophile at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely ruined our 10th anniversary

[YellowDog]

Experts tell us that the best way to make a perfect cup of tea


is to agitate the bag.



So, every morning I shout:





'Two sugars, fat arse!'

[mashman]

There are no skeletons in my closet.

Only a black latex dildo suit.

I suppose a single bone doesn't make a skeleton

You need to shave your hands my dear.

I thought it was ingrowing pubic hair

[Dodgy_Matt]

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedophile at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely ruined our 10th anniversary

Except now she's 21 its not Paedophilia ....

[Vacquer0]

An illegal alien, a communist, and a Muslim walk into a bar.

The Bartender says "What can I get you, Mr. President?"

[nathanwhite]

A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.

The drunk replies, "Boobs"

[Dodgy_Matt]

On the first day, God created the dog and said "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years". The dog said "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span". The monkey said "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years".

The cow said "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years".

But the human said "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay" said God "You asked for it".

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

[Vacquer0]

"Why do people say 'grow some balls?'

Balls are weak and sensitive.

If you wanna get tough, grow a vagina.

Those things can take a pounding."

- Betty White