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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #1786
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madness View Post
    What's long, hard and fucks Polynesians?


    Primary School.
    Reminds me of a late 1970's bad taste joke...Whats Big White and Fucks Kiwis?

  2. #1787
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Shrek_ View Post
    28 November Some US states recently legalised gay marriage and marijuana on the same day.

    Leviticus 20:13 – “if a man lays with another man, as with a woman, he should be stoned.”

    It all makes sense now. We’ve just been interpreting it wrongly.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stirts View Post
    Today It all makes sense now.
    Gay marriage and marijuana being legalised on the same day.

    Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned"

    We've just been interpreting it wrong all this time.
    Um???????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????/
    It's all Shits and Giggles until someone Giggles and Shits


  3. #1788
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maha View Post
    Reminds me of a late 1970's bad taste joke...Whats Big White and Fucks Kiwis?
    Mt Erebus?

  4. #1789
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maha View Post
    Reminds me of a late 1970's bad taste joke...Whats Big White and Fucks Kiwis?
    Muldoon? Before my time, so could be a decade or 2 out with my guess haha

  5. #1790
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geeen View Post
    Um???????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????/
    well it was funny & some may have missed it
    Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)

  6. #1791
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    Quote Originally Posted by haydes55 View Post
    Muldoon? Before my time, so could be a decade or 2 out with my guess haha
    Mr Madness is correct....the irony being, there were not many Kiwis on that flight.

  7. #1792
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maha View Post
    Mr Madness is correct....the irony being, there were not many Kiwis on that flight.
    I beg to differ. Even having grown up in Invercargill I knew two personally, (one was quite a close friend,) and knew of several more!
    "Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination."

  8. #1793
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    Quote Originally Posted by roogazza View Post
    Wednesday, hump day...
    It's Tuesday - you lose...
    Can I believe the magic of your size... (The Shirelles)

  9. #1794
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madness View Post
    Mt Erebus?
    Whoop Whoop - pull up pull up !!!!
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  10. #1795
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    Some years ago, Stan married an attractive woman, Aggie, half his age, in a small coastal Scottish Isle community.

    After several months, Aggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Scotts women are entitled to a climax at least once in a while.

    To resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere on the Burin Peninsula.

    The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax. He told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

    The couple hired a strong young man from Port Auld Basques to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

    After many efforts, Aggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet.

    The Vet said for Aggie to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Stan waved the big towel.

    They tried it that night and Aggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

    When it was over, Stan looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said:"And that, me son, is how ya waves a fockin' towel !!
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  11. #1796
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    Life as a penguin can be frustrating.

    Even when you're seriously pissed off and waddle off in a huff, you still look fucking cute.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  12. #1797
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    Vegetarian: "I refuse to eat meat because I'm at one with Mother Nature and I believe that slaughtering innocent animals purely for food or pleasure is morally wrong".

    "Yeah? Well, lets put you in a cage with a tiger and see if Mother Nature agrees with you..."
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  13. #1798
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    A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their 10th wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'

    The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years ! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit ?'

    She said, 'I don't think you understand, my name was "Brian" and I played rugby for Wales . . ....'
    "So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."

  14. #1799
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop View Post
    Vegetarian: "I refuse to eat meat because I'm at one with Mother Nature and I believe that slaughtering innocent animals purely for food or pleasure is morally wrong".

    "Yeah? Well, lets put you in a cage with a tiger and see if Mother Nature agrees with you..."

    Vegetarian noun {vej-i-tair-ee-uhn} prehistoric for shit at hunting
    No body move... I dropped my brain

  15. #1800
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    Can I believe the magic of your size... (The Shirelles)

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