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Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #4891
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  2. #4892
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    I'm giving up drinking for a month.




    Sorry.
    That came out wrong.
    I'm giving up. Drinking for a month!
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  3. #4893
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Give Meghan this . . . no one has so successfully broken up such a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.





    Meghan Markle throws a massive fit after discovering that Disney Princess movies are not instruction manuals on how to perform Royal duties.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  4. #4894
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    Am I the only one to realise that, if we all worked together to accelerate climate change, the melting polar ice caps would put out the bush fires in Australia?
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  5. #4895
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    If modern society has taught us anything, it's that the less a person is qualified to have an opinion, the more likely they will express it.




    Should I start a list of KB members who qualify for this?
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  6. #4896
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    I've been a member of Les Mills for a good 10 years now but don't seem to be making any progress, so tomorrow i'm going in person to see what the fuck is going on!



    Every fucker is having a pop at the Corona virus, which I think is a bit harsh. I know it's a crap lager, but it's not as bad as Fosters....


    BBC News; Six patients being tested for suspected Corona-virus in UK.
    All six must have Lyme disease too otherwise it’s pointless having it.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  7. #4897
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    *** BREAKING NEWS ***
    Virologists' greatest fears may have been realised with the announcement that all 26 Coronavirus victims and all suspected cases have been reported in females.

    Dr Ichicov of the Institute of Virology, Moscow said in a statement:
    It appears that a very mild form of Man-Flu may have mutated sufficiently to allow it to be contracted by women"
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  8. #4898
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  9. #4899
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    According to legend, when Ozzy Osborne was in Black Sabbath in the 70s he typically got through six bottles of brandy and a case of beer a day.

    Parkinson's my arse, he's just started to finally sober up and his hangover's kicking in.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  10. #4900
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    A swedish psychologist has traced Greta Thunberg's problems back to a hot summers day ,
    when her ice-cream melted.
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  11. #4901
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    Wellington
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    5

    Talking on the train

    After a tiring day,
    a commuter settled
    down in his seat
    and closed his eyes.
    As the train
    rolled out of the
    station,the
    young woman
    sitting next to
    him pulled out
    her phone and
    started talking in
    a loud voice."Hi
    sweetheart.It's
    sue.I'm on the
    train." "Yes,I
    know it's the
    6.30 and not the
    4.30,but I
    had a long
    meeting." "No,
    honey,not with
    that kevin from
    the accounting
    office.It was
    with the boss."
    "No sweetheart,
    you're the only
    one in my life."
    "Yes,I'm sure,
    cross my heart!"
    Fifteen minutes
    later,she was
    still talking
    loudly.The man
    sitting next to
    her had enough,
    so he leaned over
    and said into the
    phone....."Sue,hang
    up the phone and
    come back to bed."
    Sue doesn't use her
    phone in public
    any longer.

  12. #4902
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    12th September 2004 - 17:40
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    You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
    If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..

  13. #4903
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    1st November 2005 - 08:18
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    I was explaining to mate that we don't use the word "handicap" any more because it's derogatory. We now use the word "disabilty".
    "OK," he said. "What's your golf disability?"





    I rang the bike shop and asked "do you have a headlamp?".
    The chap asked "what is it for?".
    I said "for riding at night, you dumb cunt".
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  14. #4904
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    13th April 2007 - 17:09
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    Some oldies but goodies
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  15. #4905
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    21st June 2016 - 08:52
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    5

    Smile In Too Far

    A young man was
    showing off his
    new sports car to
    his girlfriend.She
    was thrilled at the
    speed."If I do
    200mph,will you
    take of your
    clothes?" he
    asked."Yes!" said
    his adventurous
    girlfriend.And as
    he gets up to 200,
    she peeled off all
    her clothes.Unable
    to keep his eyes
    on the road,the
    car skidded onto
    some gravel and
    flipped over.The
    naked girl was
    thrown clear,but
    he was jammed
    beneath the
    steering wheel.
    "Go and get help!"
    he cried."But I
    can't.I'm naked
    and my clothes
    are gone!" "Take
    my shoe," he said,
    "and cover
    yourself." Holding
    the shoe over her
    pubes,the girl ran
    down the road and
    found a service
    station.Still
    holding the shoe
    between her legs,
    she pleaded to the
    service station
    proprietor,"Please
    help me!,My
    boyfriends stuck!"
    The proprietor
    looked at the shoe
    and said,"There's
    nothing I can
    do...he's in too
    far."

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