Friday jokes

[YellowDog]

A guy, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck and they found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the guy had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the guy started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

[roogazza]

[Banditbandit]

Little Bobby and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bobby goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bobby bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was simply adorable, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bobby , you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bobby replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bobby instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bobby has put so much thought into this.

"Well, Bobby , it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"


Bobby just shrugs his shoulders and says, " Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

[YellowDog]

A benfits fraudster, whom was supposedly too weak to walk, more than 50m, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and won a Triathlon race

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-sou...wales-40667991

[Dadpole]

We should hire him as Jerry Brownjobs personal trainer. I would pay to see that grease blob wheezing his way up a mountain.

[Honest Andy]

We should hire him as Jerry Brownjobs personal trainer. I would pay to see that grease blob wheezing his way up a mountain.

Haha can we throw stuff at him on the way past?

[pete376403]

[QUOTE=Honest Andy;1131056157]Haha can we throw stuff at him on the way past?
Looks like he's just given john key a happy ending.

[husaberg]

Haha can we throw stuff at him on the way past?
Looks like he's just given john key a happy ending.

[YellowDog]

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason."

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Beth said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that.You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Beth said, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," says Chuck. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right," Beth said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"

[roogazza]

[YellowDog]

11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . .. . . .

[YellowDog]

A 50 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. ....⛴
She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away.....🙆

A gentleman approached the lady and said .....
"Ma'am, ....
I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up".....☺

The lady replied, ......
"Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat it will blow away"......😦

"I understand,..ma'am,.....
but ....
you aren't wearing any panties", .....
replied the gentleman.

The lady looked down then ......
back up at the gentleman and said,

*"Sir, .... anything you see down there is more than 50 years old. I bought this hat yesterday"....* 😳😜

[Swoop]

My wife told me that I needed to get in touch more with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car, burned dinner and then ignored her all evening for no apparent reason.

[YellowDog]

You can now get your vegetables Online

[YellowDog]

Old Chinese Proverb: