I'm giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry.
That came out wrong.
I'm giving up. Drinking for a month!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Give Meghan this . . . no one has so successfully broken up such a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.
Meghan Markle throws a massive fit after discovering that Disney Princess movies are not instruction manuals on how to perform Royal duties.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Am I the only one to realise that, if we all worked together to accelerate climate change, the melting polar ice caps would put out the bush fires in Australia?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
If modern society has taught us anything, it's that the less a person is qualified to have an opinion, the more likely they will express it.
Should I start a list of KB members who qualify for this?
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TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
I've been a member of Les Mills for a good 10 years now but don't seem to be making any progress, so tomorrow i'm going in person to see what the fuck is going on!
Every fucker is having a pop at the Corona virus, which I think is a bit harsh. I know it's a crap lager, but it's not as bad as Fosters....
BBC News; Six patients being tested for suspected Corona-virus in UK.
All six must have Lyme disease too otherwise it’s pointless having it.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
*** BREAKING NEWS ***
Virologists' greatest fears may have been realised with the announcement that all 26 Coronavirus victims and all suspected cases have been reported in females.
Dr Ichicov of the Institute of Virology, Moscow said in a statement:
It appears that a very mild form of Man-Flu may have mutated sufficiently to allow it to be contracted by women"
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
According to legend, when Ozzy Osborne was in Black Sabbath in the 70s he typically got through six bottles of brandy and a case of beer a day.
Parkinson's my arse, he's just started to finally sober up and his hangover's kicking in.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
A swedish psychologist has traced Greta Thunberg's problems back to a hot summers day ,
when her ice-cream melted.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
After a tiring day,
a commuter settled
down in his seat
and closed his eyes.
As the train
rolled out of the
station,the
young woman
sitting next to
him pulled out
her phone and
started talking in
a loud voice."Hi
sweetheart.It's
sue.I'm on the
train." "Yes,I
know it's the
6.30 and not the
4.30,but I
had a long
meeting." "No,
honey,not with
that kevin from
the accounting
office.It was
with the boss."
"No sweetheart,
you're the only
one in my life."
"Yes,I'm sure,
cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes
later,she was
still talking
loudly.The man
sitting next to
her had enough,
so he leaned over
and said into the
phone....."Sue,hang
up the phone and
come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her
phone in public
any longer.
I was explaining to mate that we don't use the word "handicap" any more because it's derogatory. We now use the word "disabilty".
"OK," he said. "What's your golf disability?"
I rang the bike shop and asked "do you have a headlamp?".
The chap asked "what is it for?".
I said "for riding at night, you dumb cunt".
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Some oldies but goodies
A young man was
showing off his
new sports car to
his girlfriend.She
was thrilled at the
speed."If I do
200mph,will you
take of your
clothes?" he
asked."Yes!" said
his adventurous
girlfriend.And as
he gets up to 200,
she peeled off all
her clothes.Unable
to keep his eyes
on the road,the
car skidded onto
some gravel and
flipped over.The
naked girl was
thrown clear,but
he was jammed
beneath the
steering wheel.
"Go and get help!"
he cried."But I
can't.I'm naked
and my clothes
are gone!" "Take
my shoe," he said,
"and cover
yourself." Holding
the shoe over her
pubes,the girl ran
down the road and
found a service
station.Still
holding the shoe
between her legs,
she pleaded to the
service station
proprietor,"Please
help me!,My
boyfriends stuck!"
The proprietor
looked at the shoe
and said,"There's
nothing I can
do...he's in too
far."
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