Somewhere out there...
I wish I were a glow-worm, A glow-worms' never glum
How can you be so sad, When the sun shines out your bum
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
It's been a bad year for homosexuals. Not only is Israel Folau sending them to Hell, but the Sultan of Brunei is making sure they get there quick!
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I've gone and confused the words ’Yakuza’ with ’Jacuzzi’ ...
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anorak
“I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money.” -Homer Simpson
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”
“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.”
“The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.”
Originally Posted by Katman
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
You know a top artist by the fact he doesn't look at his instrument while playing it.
Stevie Wonder and Ron Jeremy, for example.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.
That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.
Arnold Schwarzenegger at the age of seventy one is to star in a new Terminator film later this year, They have changed his catchphrase slightly though to,
"Ah, me back. "
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Enigma
xxxxxxxx
You'd never go hungry with Nigella Gaz.
If it weren't for flashbacks...I'd have no memory at all..
Anorak
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice was heard yelling "I'm not dead! I'm not dead, let me out!"
It was at that moment that the priest leant forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, "Too fucking late pal, I've already done the paperwork".
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
“Man died on Everest, doing what he loved.”
Standing in a queue.
Vegans really are the Gold standard of self loathing .
They hate meat but are made from it.
So what happens if a vegan bites their own tongue eating a nut cutlet?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
So your anti abortion but also anti vax. Make up your mind. Do you want the kid dead or not?
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Current, weekly Top Tip: Convince people you are British heavyweight boxer by being knocked out by a fat pub doorman.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The Allies chose 6/6 for D-Day so those Americans wouldn't get confused over the fucking date.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
America: 'Dang, we gone done elected us the stoopidest muthafucka on the planet! Yee-haw!'
England: 'Kindly hold my cup of Earl Grey, old chap, and observe...'
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Grumpy Old Bastard
Can't give any more green...but I did laugh
. “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis
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