Pros and Cons, and DOs and DON'Ts of marriage

**98tls** · 3rd October 2009, 09:19

Before considering marriage take a long look at the future mother in law,if ya dont like what you see then forget it,chances are

**SixPackBack** · 3rd October 2009, 09:20

Originally Posted by klingon

My single piece of advice:

Make sure you can stand up on your own before you decide to lean on someone else.

Never marry someone (or enter a relationship) because you think you need them or they need you. You will end up finding your own independence and not needing them any more.

Only get married when you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet (and so is she) but you want to be together. Then stand side by side, as strong, independent adults, and continue to be together because you want to be together, and because you love each other.

$10 sez you're not married....not hatin', just saying

**MSTRS:Me** · 3rd October 2009, 09:30

A marriage is a partnership. It operates on mutual trust and respect, not necessarily on common goals (although there must be some). Within that partnership is 'him', 'her, and 'them'. By that, I mean that you must retain your individuality, but as a couple you add up to much more than two people together. A marriage is also hard work, and both must put in the work, esp in the early years. If you want kids, then wait until you are both settled...kids need the stability of two loving parents under the same roof.
Oh...and wedding cake is the female form of bromide.

**allycatz** · 3rd October 2009, 09:33

Make sure well in advance if they are looking for a partner and not just another mother....never believe they are only at massage parlours for just a 'massage'....the crabs did NOT come off the public toilet seat while driving through Taihape....the new shirt and $ 1000 suit has NOT been in your wardrobe for over a year....if you want your socks and shirts in colour coded order then put them away yourself....salad is not 'rabbit food'.....you will NOT lower your social standing if you eat sausages for dinner...babysitting your kids does not mean getting your mother round and sneaking off to the pub anyway...the two asian barbies in your hotel room in Thailand were NOT the cleaners!

**CookMySock** · 3rd October 2009, 09:58

Originally Posted by allycatz

never believe they are only at massage parlours for just a 'massage'....the crabs did NOT come off the public toilet seat while driving through Taihape....the new shirt and $ 1000 suit has NOT been in your wardrobe for over a year....if you want your socks and shirts in colour coded order then put them away yourself....salad is not 'rabbit food'.....you will NOT lower your social standing if you eat sausages for dinner...babysitting your kids does not mean getting your mother round and sneaking off to the pub anyway...the two asian barbies in your hotel room in Thailand were NOT the cleaners!

Oh stop being a wet blanket and join in the fun.

Steve

**klingon** · 3rd October 2009, 10:01

Originally Posted by SixPackBack

$10 sez you're not married....not hatin', just saying

LOL technically you are correct. But I am in a long-term committed relationship "in the nature of a marriage."

I was married for ten years to a man who I still like and respect, and who likes and respects me. We worked very hard to try to 'save' our marriage, because we knew we were both good, smart people and if anyone could make a relationship work, surely we could do it!

In the end it didn't work out, because during the course of the relationship our values and priorities had diverged and we no longer had enough common ground that we wanted to still be together. Breaking up was very difficult, but I believe we handled it well.

I don't see this as a 'failed' marriage. On the contrary, we both gained a lot from the ten years we were together and we have no regrets.

So you are right, SPB, and I won't be taking your $10! But I do believe I am qualified to comment on this subject.

**Sidewinder** · 3rd October 2009, 10:03

the only ring i will wear is the bitchs ring peice!

**FROSTY:Me** · 3rd October 2009, 10:11

Best advice I got from my dad (married 40 years) was "sometimes son being married is just hard work"
I agree tiotally.

**allycatz** · 3rd October 2009, 10:22

Originally Posted by DangerousBastard

Oh stop being a wet blanket and join in the fun.

Steve

I 'participated' for 18 years of marriage.......lol!

**MisterD** · 3rd October 2009, 10:33

Originally Posted by FROSTY

Best advice I got from my dad (married 40 years) was "sometimes son being married is just hard work"
I agree tiotally.

So do I, but then nothing that's worthwhile comes easily...my Grandparents' advice to me (and they acheived somewhere in the high 60's of years until death did them part) was to never go to sleep angry with each other.

So far, so good at 9 years for us.

**Flatcap** · 3rd October 2009, 10:38

Originally Posted by MisterD

...never go to sleep angry with each other.

So far, so good at 9 years for us.

Does it count when she's angry with you , but you're quite happy with the world?

**allycatz** · 3rd October 2009, 10:39

Originally Posted by Flatcap

Does it count when she's angry with you , but you're quite happy with the world?

Thats 'selective hearing'...very good skill to acquire before walking down the aisle

**Beemer** · 3rd October 2009, 10:42

Don't even think of getting married if you have ANY doubts. So many times people have doubts before they tie the knot but go ahead anyway and a few years down the line it turns to custard and they split.

I think the best advice is to ensure the person you are marrying is also your best friend, someone who will be there for you in good times and bad.

I married for the first (and hopefully only!) time in my 40s and although I wish I'd met him earlier, I am glad I didn't settle for second best and marry the guy I was engaged to in my 20s. I think I was just flattered that anyone would want to marry me and luckily I woke up a month or so later and thought "what the HELL am I doing?" and ended the engagement.

I had to fill out a survey yesterday and put how much time you spent face to face with your partner in the last week. I couldn't work it out exactly, but it was in excess of 60 hours. That's a long time to spend with someone if you aren't sure you want to be with them, so I'm glad I can honestly say I enjoyed those hours spent with my husband.

We're both into cars and bikes, but we don't spend EVERY moment together. He's into trail and off-road riding so he will often go off with his mates to do that while I stay home or do something else. But most of the time we do things together and we really enjoy that.

Oh, and we don't have kids - so maybe that's one stresser we don't have to deal with!

**oldrider** · 3rd October 2009, 11:12

Before you get married you should meet and get to know "all" of the people involved in the relationship!

There are more of them than the average person realises!

For a start, there is you, the person you think you are!

Then there is the person you really are!

Then there is the person you really want to be!

Then there will be a host of personalities that you're not even yet aware of!

The list goes on and on and that's only getting to understand "you"!

Wait until you start to get to know her and vice versa!

Even if you think you get it right first time, you are still gonna be in for a few "big" surprises, shocks even!

But hey, if you are prepared to be tolerant, understanding, accepting and above all patient, you can work it all out OK!

At the end of the day you will look back and realise that it really has been a hell of a lot of fun and you have invested a lifetime in the relationship!

When you finally look around you the spin-off's and accumulated assets (usually family) are amazing and it all starts with "I do" and standing by your word!

The risks are high but get it right, the rewards are supreme!

Good luck but nobody ever said it would be easy!