Pros and Cons, and DOs and DON'Ts of marriage

[Big Dave]

[coffeejunkie]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married

[MSTRS:Me]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married

And that helps define what that nebulous term 'marriage' is...
It's primarily a state of mind. Two people commit themselves wholeheartedly to sharing their life with the other. Sometimes, the legal state of marriage (the bit of paper) can represent a shackle. And for some people, that can feel oppressive, like they have somehow signed away their freedoms. Poor them, because it's all in their head, and they miss the point of commitment, on paper or otherwise.

[vifferman]

My view is marriage is over rated..

We lived together for a few years before getting married, and I was quite surprised that it made any difference getting married - it definitely felt different, even if it made no real practical difference from a legal perspective. (Plus it mean my wife no longer had to spell her name to everyone who asked what her name was...)

The thing was I guess to some small extent I wasn't totally committed before we were married. When she suggested getting married, I realised that some part of me was subconciously waiting for some "perfect" partner, and when I thought about that, I couldn't bear the idea of a future without her in it, so I totally let go of any thoughts of her not being "the one", and we made plans to get married. One of the best things I've ever done, and it more than makes up for a multitude of dumb decisions.

[Skyryder]

My view is marriage is over rated....Balzybuell& i have been togeather for 18 years on the 17th of this month....we have a child & live as a married couple but what makes us work is the fact that after all these years we are NOT married

All good stuff and what works...........works........and that is the important bit.............no matter what.


But as a parent with two girls, my son in law did me, my wife, and daughter, proud when he stood up in front of us, his family and friends and said "I shall have no other." As a parent that bit was important.


Skyryder

[Beemer]

We lived together for a few years before getting married, and I was quite surprised that it made any difference getting married - it definitely felt different, even if it made no real practical difference from a legal perspective. (Plus it mean my wife no longer had to spell her name to everyone who asked what her name was...)

Same here! We had lived together for five years by the time we got married and we certainly didn't expect to feel any different but we did. It is really hard to explain but we just felt more 'together' if that makes sense.

As for not having to spell my name any more, wish that was true for me! I had hoped to get rid of my Welsh maiden name that didn't sound anything like it was spelled and vice versa, but there are a few names that don't go with Faye and the guy I married just happened to have one of them! As a journalist by trade, going through life being called 'faking' wasn't going to make it!

[vifferman]

Money.
Sort out finances before you get hitched.

We've had a joint bank account since before we got married. There's no problem with that, but we do have different values about money. My wife is very security conscious, and money has always been a big issue for her, whereas it's no biggie for me. I don't give a rat's what she spends money on, or how much, but the same is not true for her. So, nearly every single argument we've ever had has been about money or finances. This could have been avoided if we each had an account of our own to use for personal discretionary expenditure.

[Bass]

My personal opinion....

A "sane" man will only do it once....

If it works thats all good...

...and if it dont then he aint ever going down that road again!

Well, I'm on the second time around and it's just magic - no comparison at all with the first one. I honestly didn't know it could be this way and yes I am well aware of just how lucky I am.

There is however an old adage that my personal experience says is very true.
It goes: -

A woman marries a man thinking that he will change and he doesn't.
A man marries a woman thinking that she won't change and she does.

[jim.cox]

As far as I can tell, marraige has no advantage to a gentlemen, and many many disadvantages...

Just dont do it

[Swoop]

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. lan Patrick Herbert

A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.
Andre Maurois (1885 - 1967)

I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more. Candice Bergen (1946 - )

All marriages are mixed marriages. Chantal Saperstein.

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
Clint Eastwood (1930 - )

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives"

Marriage. It's like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Our Wedding, 1992

I wonder, among all the tangles of this mortal coil, which one contains tighter knots to undo, and consequently suggests more tugging, and pain, and diversified elements of misery, than the marriage tie.
Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)

Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC), Alcestis, 438 B.C.

One man's folly is another man's wife. Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950)

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973), Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941

I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park

My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone's, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone. John Scalzi, Old Man's War, 2005

Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state. Kathleen Norris

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. Mae West (1892 - 1980)

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney (1920 - )

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

My toughest fight was with my first wife. Muhammad Ali (1942 - )

We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. Nick Faldo

If you would marry suitably, marry your equal. Ovid (43 BC - 17 AD)

That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life. Paul Tournier

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)

You get married at twenty, you're going to be shocked who you're living with at thirty. Peter Blake, House M.D., Fools For Love, 2006

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' Rita Rudner

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers. W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965)

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. William Penn (1644 - 1718)

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen (1935 - )

I know nothing about sex because I was always married. Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ).

[ManDownUnder]

Don't wait till you have enough reasons to get married...wait until there are no reasons to not get married.

... and don't bullshit yourself about it. There's the happiness of 2 lives at stake, as well as the security of any other lives you happen to create.