I'm in a situation. Serious advice from wise people needed.

[Hans]

Hi ya all,

Well, it seemed me and the significant other had gotten on top of our issues. Wrong. Instead we were just dead walking together and didn't realise it. As of today the two of us are no longer an item. After ten years out of the 28 I've lived so far.
I'm looking for some advice on what it takes to start your life all over again. We were very close, and still are in some ways. And I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. I'm not looking for pats on the back or sympathy, just some good practical advice from people who've been there and come out the other side still breathing. I have every intention of getting on with life. As soon as I know which way to go. I expect to be told to HTFU by a fair few "members" and I don't have a problem with that.
Looking forward to some words of wisdom here.
I'll go and take a bath now and see what I come back to.
I'd rather be shitfaced right now, alas I have to work tomorrow morning.
Peace.

[zahria]

[QUOTE=Hans;1129409331]Hi ya all,

Well, it seemed me and the significant other had gotten on top of our issues. Wrong. Instead we were just dead walking together and didn't realise it. As of today the two of us are no longer an item. After ten years out of the 28 I've lived so far.

There are a lot of people that have been through it, the best thing that I found was to have a picture of where you want to be in five years time. And work towards it.

Dont be afraid to lean on your mates / family, they'll be there for you.

She's a hard grind, but you'll get there.

[CookMySock]

Oh shit thats harsh mate.

Advice, um, I'd let things settle for a week and during that time ask yourself what you really want to happen. If you still want to be with her then write her a letter and tell her how you feel and what you think.

Steve

[MsKABC]

Three words for you mate: see a counsellor. Helped me no end, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Write some letters, write some lists. Get it all out. Do your grieving properly or it will only come back and bite you on the arse. Don't jump into another relationship too quickly (but go and have some safe casual sex if that tickles your fancy, just don't be a dickhead and hook up with some solo mother and move in with her...), take some time out by yourself to get to know yourself as a single person.

There are bad days ahead. It's OK to be sad. It's OK to be angry. Let yourself feel those emotions, but don't allow yourself to wallow for too long in them. Hit things, break things....(I did )...but don't do anything tooooo crazy. Spend time with friends who will be gentle with you, and be gentle with yourself. The bad days will come less often and you'll start to enjoy life again and begin to see what life has to offer you.

Take care.

[Pussy]

If the horse is dead.... don't flog it.
Wishing you all the best

[mynameis]

Get out on the piss with the boys and root all the girls you've missed out on the last 10 years. You've got a lot of catching up to do.

Keep yourself occupied with things, family, friends sports, riding ect. It will keep ya mind off her

Regularily log on to KB for some life changing tips

[98tls]

Been there fella,tough eh.Wont bother dribbling on but will say when it gets really tough theres a tendency to find comfort in comfortable surroundingsas i did,all things said n done it just makes things worse.Good luck and though seemingly token time does indeed blah blah blah...true.

[wickle]

"I'd rather be shitfaced right now", its so easy to go on a bender, I was told by a freind to stop drinking till I sorted my self out.. It was good advice find a new interest,

[hospitalfood]

not sure if i agree with dangerousbastard or not. sometimes its over.

feel your feelings.
keep busy and social.
get laid.

its all good mate. take it easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up.

i came out of my last relationship thinking i was bad at them, thought to myself only one way to get better at it and got straight back on the horse with a new one. none of the old problems with the new chick, just new problems.

as i said, its all good. make the most of your freedom.

[mister.koz]

Been there, 9 years ended ok, then it got messy and really hard.

Best bit of advice is let yourself be alive for a bit and find out what works for you.

I got into all the things i liked doing and started living for me.

When you are in a relationship so long you can get used to living your whole life around it so you end up loosing the life you had... Its kinda what you need to do tho with that sort of thing - if you don't put your heart into it then your hearts not in it and you wont get anything out of it.

So anyways, find what makes you tick and what you enjoy and start living for yourself, it might take a while to get there but you are out for you now and if you can't make yourself happy then you are in trouble.

Oh and avoid drinking till you flake, riding like a maniac and going all chaotic... all you will do is hurt yourself and build resentment.

(speaking from good experience here)

[98tls]

If things get really bad check out the price of a takeaway.......recession eh,every cloud has a silver lining.

[Jizah]

Not having anything to do is the worst thing. So if you get short of things to do and wanna go out for a drink or something, I'll come out with you and annoy you.

And by drink I don't mean get drunk. I probably should have substituted that for 'socialise'

[Pedrostt500]

At 28 you have got a lot of life ahead of you, Take a week feel like shit, get it out of the way, after that week put a plan together, and get on with it, don't regret anything. Don't try to get back together unless that is what you both decide you want, it aint worth the heart ach if she dont want you back.
Its not a bad thing to learn how to be single for a while, go do what you want when you want how you want.

[peasea]

Get out on the piss with the boys and root all the girls you've missed out on the last 10 years.

Bingo! Best advice ever! Then, when you least expect it another relationship will pop up out of nowhere and you'll wonder why you didn't do it years ago.

Been there, done that...........

[Mom]

One day at a time.

Breathe deeply.

No huge decisions.

One day at a time.

Time deals with emotions.

Breathe deeply.

Spend time being kind to you (getting laid (thanks hospitalfood), riding your bike, spending time with your friends)

Time.