Job description

[yungatart]

JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION :
Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Mumma, Ma or Muuuuuuuum!

ESSENTIAL CRITERIA
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that university will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

[Goblin]

Very good indeed!

Here's a little c/p you might enjoy as well....
A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is,"
explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a .......?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mom."

"We don't list 'mom' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the
recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously
a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding
title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out.

"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human
Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words.

Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official Questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply
"I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't),in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already
have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree.?.) and
I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are
more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I
was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could
hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the
child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just
another mom."
Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!!

I also think it makes aunts "Associate Research Assistants".
Please send this to another Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know.

[babyB]

i took on this position
and have found , (unlike most which are in black & white), this is not! ,once entered is so secure that you ARE in a permant contract with no way of escape. no redundacy, no pay rise, no layoff premitted.
despit it may be full of dissagrements & argument.

but nothing in this world can ever match the rewards....
smiles on little angel faces


but times can get tough heres the trice couse
between the dark and the daylight,
when the night is begining to lower
comes a pause in the days occupations
and the time for reflection and grace

[Edbear]

Lovely, now if we can just figure one out for the men!? I will put my feeble old brain to work on it! There must be some really important role for us blokes as well, that can be described in the same way?

[babyB]

Lovely, now if we can just figure one out for the men!? I will put my feeble old brain to work on it! There must be some really important role for us blokes as well, that can be described in the same way?

yep there is
eat, sleep and dont get under our bloody feet.
look after children so we can go a crusin

[MSTRS:Me]

Lovely, now if we can just figure one out for the men!? I will put my feeble old brain to work on it! There must be some really important role for us blokes as well, that can be described in the same way?

There sure is....
From here on in we shall be known as fixed sanitation device opening engineers !!!!
(well, we do have to keep lifting the toilet seat)

[Sniper]

Thank God Im a guy.

[MSTRS:Me]

Thank God Im a gay.

So you don't fit in either category......I'm really starting to get concerned about you Sniper..

[Flatcap]

So you don't fit in either category......I'm really starting to get concerned about you Sniper..

Nah - there's Civil Unions and adoption nowadays - Sniper can be a Mum if he wants

[Sniper]

You clever buggers, no Im not GAY!!@!

[Edbear]

yep there is
eat, sleep and dont get under our bloody feet.
look after children so we can go a crusin

Mmmmm! Are you sure there's nothing else we're good for....? I seem to vaguely remember there was somethin'...! I do make a real good coffee! Got quite a rep for that! As for cruisin', I'm afraid that's my department, though I get a little suspicious at toimes whent the missus says all innocent like... "Why don't you go for a ride?"

[Goblin]

though I get a little suspicious at toimes whent the missus says all innocent like... "Why don't you go for a ride?"

No need to be suspicious....it's only because she knows how happy you are when you return.

[Edbear]

No need to be suspicious....it's only because she knows how happy you are when you return.

Ah! Zat must be it! I do return at times with that mischievious grin! Zen I make zee coffeee, yes?!

[Subike]

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office,
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,
'do you have a job or are you just a .?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.
'I'm a Mum.'

'We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation,

'Housewife' covers it,'
said the recorder emphatically.


I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself

in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
in the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers

and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 10, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(my 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more

distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mum'.

Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.




Does this make grandmothers
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'
and great grandmothers
'Executive Senior Research Associates'?
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts

'Associate Research Assistants'!!!

[Trudes]

Amen!!!!! From an "Appointed Associate Research Assistant" (Nanny)