The selling season (aka silly season)

[slofox]

If I get one more foreign accented, fractured English speaking female ringing me up to sell me something I don't need, I am going to tell her, in no uncertain terms, to FUCK OFF!

There have been about ten million of these in the past two weeks - the latest mere minutes ago - which is why I am typing this up to give myself time to cool before doing something that needs to be right....

Went something like this:

Phone: ring ring ring bloody ring!

Me: Hillcrest Fine Wines Good Afternoon (in melodious tones of course)

Her: (In her heavy accent probably calling from inner Mongolia) Is this Hillacresta Finer Wines?

Me: (thinks) I just fucking told ya that didnI? Says "yes"

Her: Does this business have a website that I can have a look at?

Me: Yes it does (and left it at that)

Her: Can you tell me the web address?

Me: Yes I can (and left THAT at that too...)

Her: (puzzled by now) Errrrmmm can you tell me the address?

Me: (baiting her mercilessly by now, the bitch) Yes I can...

Her: (after a pause) What is it then?

Me: Oh! just the firm name dot co dot nz....easy eh?

Her: (Repeats the name back)....Is that right?

Me: Yes. What are you trying to sell me? (This totally derails her...)

Her: Err..ahh...what?

Me: What are you SELLING? (you dumb fucking cow!)

Her: Oh. Nothing - We can offer you redesign your website (sic) an....(I jump in over the top here)

Me: Well look, save yourself the effort luvvy, I have a daughter who does web design (slight exaggeration here) and I also happen to have a very savvy young man (MisterKoz actually! Hey Adam!) who looks after all my IT requirements thank you very much all the same so you don't need to bother me any further DO YOU?

Her: ....(silence for a bit while the wheel slowly clicked around and around...) Ummm...well we can...(I chop in again)

Me: Thanks for your call though - very interesting!

Her: oh. well have a nice...

Me: BYEEEEEEE (CLICK!) (as I hang up)


Lucky she was out of reach - I wanted to shove her phone where the sun don't shine.....

Right, I feel better now...back to work.

[yungatart]

Wow! I'm impressed you waited that long.
Mstrs lets them get the first three or four words out and interrupts saying, "Not interested, FUCK OFF!!"
They don't usually ring back....

[steve_t]

*Ring ring* "You want buy cheap business card? Price very good for you. Get good business."

Answer "Who is this? Oh yup. No thanks. Oh, and please add me to your DO NOT CALL list or remove me from your database."

"Oh sorry, we just get your name from phone book"

"That's fine. Just don't ring me again." *Click*

[Str8 Jacket]

[Swoop]

I have noticed that the shopping malls are full of these "marketers" as well at the moment.

I must get out my T-shirt that deals with these fucktards...

[MSTRS:Me]

Wow! I'm impressed you waited that long.
Mstrs lets them get the first three or four words out and interrupts saying, "Not interested, FUCK OFF!!"
They don't usually ring back....

Oh, now, come on...sometimes I need as many as 10 words before I have them sussed. THEN it's "Fuck off!!"

[AllanB]

Shit - have some fun with them - ask them what they are wearing - jeans, T-shirt etc and if you are game move on to underwear .........

[slofox]

Wow! I'm impressed you waited that long.

Well, initially I thought it might be an enquiry from a prospective customer. Can't be biting heads off customers now, can we..?

Besides, I lurve to mess with their minds - they have a set sequence they always follow - I like to move them sideways off the track and watch them flounder about...

[Str8 Jacket]

Besides, I lurve to mess with their minds

I always get them to hold while I go find the 'owner' of the house. Then I out the receiver under a pillow and go back every minute or so to ask if they mind holding. Once someone waited for over 15 minutes until I finally went back and told her that the owner was out.

I am a nicer person now.

[neels]

If you have young children, give the phone to them to endlessly say hello....hello.....hello.....I've got a new bike......hello......

Or just keep repeating that you can't understand them until they get pissed off and hang up.

[White trash]

I made a fucken very nice wage as a supervisor at a direct marketing sales center.

Everyone thinks they're original and tough when they tell you to "Fuck off". Boy did we have a laugh about it. Usually, it just pushes you further up the que for a call-back

[P38]

LOL

Try this method works good for me.

Telemarketer rings up and makes their sales pitch.

Say Yep you wanna buy, after all thats an awesome deal they are offering....

Ask them can they hang on a minute while you go get your credit card....

Then simply put the phone down on the table and go back to what you were doing.......

Come back in an hour or so and hang up the phone... they've always gone by then.