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Thread: Calories burned during sex

  1. #1
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    Calories burned during sex

    Calories burned during sex:

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

    With her consent.................................12 Calories
    Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:

    With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
    With one hand....................................12 Calories
    With your teeth.................................485 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

    With an erection..................................6 Calories
    Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories

    POSITIONS:

    Missionary.......................................1 2 Calories
    69 lying down....................................78 Calories
    69 standing up..................................812 Calories
    Wheelbarrow.....................................21 6 Calories
    Doggy Style.....................................326 Calories
    Italian chandelier............................2,912 Calories

    ORGASMS:

    Real............................................11 2 Calories
    Fake..........................................1,31 5 Calories

    POST ORGASM:

    Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
    Getting up immediately...........................36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:

    If you are:
    20-29 years......................................36 Calories
    30-39 years......................................80 Calories
    40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
    50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
    60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories
    70 and over........................Results are still pending

    DRESSING AFTERWARDS

    Calmly...........................................3 2 Calories
    In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
    With her husband knocking at the door.........8,775 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

    Results may vary.

  2. #2
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    Great post......explains why I am so skinny! John.

  3. #3
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    Its good to take a side plate of french fries or similar to the bedroom during 'relations' just in case you get peckish during the act. Don't take Hotdogs - you may end up feeling inferior......

    If you are having 'relations' somewhere other than home you can then refer to the act as 'eating out'.

    If the plate is on the floor during 'the act' and you desire a nibble just let your partner know you are 'going down'.

    I'd also advise you not to take a dish to the bedroom that has mayonnaise in it as it may get confusing if you drip a lump onto your partner.

  4. #4
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    1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
    2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
    3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
    4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
    5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
    6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
    7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium.
    8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
    9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
    10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

    It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex.

    Removing her clothes
    With consent 12 Calories
    Without consent 187 Calories
    Opening her bra
    With both hands 8 Calories
    With one hand 12 Calories
    With your teeth 85 Calories
    Putting on a condom
    With an erection 6 Calories
    Without an erection 315 Calories
    Preliminaries
    Trying to find the clitoris 8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot 92 Calories
    Positions
    Missionary 12 Calories
    69 lying down 78 Calories
    69 standing up 112 Calories
    Wheelbarrow 216 Calories
    Doggy Style 326 Calories
    Italian Chandelier 912 Calories
    Orgasm
    Real 112 Calories
    False 315 Calories
    Post Orgasm
    Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories
    Getting up immediately 36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816 Calories
    Getting a second erection
    If you are: 20-29 years old 36 Calories
    30-39 years 80 Calories
    40-49 years 124 Calories
    50-59 years 972 Calories
    60-69 years 2916 Calories
    70 and over Death
    Dressing afterwards
    Calmly 32 Calories
    In a hurry 98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door 1218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door 3521 Calories

    plastic fabricator/welder here if you need a hand ! will work for beer/bourbon/booze

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  5. #5
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    Getting the best out of sex

    Getting the best out of sex





    It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex.


    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:


    With consent........................ 12 Calories
    Without consent................. 187 Calories


    OPENING HER BRA:


    With both hands.......................... 8 Calories
    With one hand........................... 12 Calories
    With your teeth.......................... 85 Calories


    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:


    With an erection............................. 6 Calories
    Without an erection.................... 315 Calories


    PRELIMINARIES:


    Trying to find the clitoris................. 8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories


    POSITIONS:


    Missionary................................. 12 Calories
    69 lying down............................. 78 Calories
    69 standing up.......................... 112 Calories

    (I can't imagine how they do this!)
    Wheelbarrow............................. 216 Calories
    Doggy Style............................... 326 Calories
    Italian chandelier........................ 912 Calories

    (anyone knows how to do this?)





    ORGASM:


    Real................................... 112 Calories
    False.................................. 315 Calories


    POST ORGASM:


    Lying in bed hugging........................ 18 Calories

    Getting up immediately.................... 36 Calories
    Explaining why you got
    out of bed immediately................. 816 Calories





    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:


    If you are:
    20-29 years old...................... 36 Calories
    30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
    40-49 years.......................... 124 Calories
    50-59 years.......................... 972 Calories
    60-69 years........................ 2916 Calories
    70 and over..................................Death


    DRESSING AFTERWARDS:


    Calmly............................................ ......... 32 Calories
    In a hurry............................................. .... 98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
    WISDOM IS KNOWING KARMA REALLY CAN'T GET YOU.

    SPEED KILLS, BUT YOU GET THERE FASTER

    DILLIGAF = Does it look like I give a FUCK - Hell no!

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