Another Irish Joke - or insert your favourite ethnic group

[<G>]

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the
unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker
Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and,
finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 dollars a
week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel
Fitter."

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160
dollars a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the
office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double
his pay.

The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and
Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and
thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel
fitter."

[Spicer]

THE IRISH DIESEL FITTER






Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs.'
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'
'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, Then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.

[Spicer]

: DARK IN HERE
>
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>
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>
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>
>
> A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband
> is at work.
>
>
>
> Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them
> and hides in
> the bedroom closet to watch.
>
> The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover
> in the
> closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
> already.
>
> The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
>
> The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
>
> Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
>
> Man: 'That's nice'
>
> Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
>
> Man: 'No, thanks.'
>
> Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
>
> Man: 'OK, how much?'
>
> Boy: '$250'
>
> In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and
> the lover are
> in the closet together.
>
> Boy: 'Dark in here.'
>
> Man: 'Yes, it is.'
>
> Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
>
> The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How
> much?'
>
> Boy: '$750'
>
> Man: 'Sold.'
>
> A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your
> glove, let's go
> outside and have a game of catch.'
>
> The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'
>
> The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
>
> Boy: '$1,000'
>
> The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends
> like
> that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm
> taking you to
> church, to confession.'
>
> They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit
> in the
> confessional booth and closes the door.
>
> The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
>
> The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my
> closet now.'
>

[sarahtvet]

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... theMagic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my crotch.'

The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
'Yeah right...Magic Penis, my ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is history.......

[Creeping Death]

Guy rings his boss "I can't come to work today,I'm sick"

Boss say's "How sick are you?"

"Well,I'm in bed with my sister"

[Maha]

Supermarkets are now stocking Two Minute Poodles.

[ynot slow]

Why do they bury ...... race of people 2 mts into the ground?


Cause deep down they're all bloody good.

[ynot slow]

Why do they bury aussies 2 mts into the ground?


Cause deep down they're all bloody good.

[crazyhorse]

Mujibar was trying to get into New Zealand legally through Immigration.

The Immigration Officer said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one.
Unless you pass it you cannot enter New Zealand.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The officer said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Officer, I am ready.' The Officer said, 'Good, go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes; 'green, green,......... green, green………..green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.''

Mujibar now works at Telstra. You've probably spoken to him.

[one fast tl1ooo]

THE IRISH DIESEL FITTER

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher. I sew da 'lastic onto ladies' knickers and tongs.'

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, not finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 pounds a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 pounds a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'

'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da 'lastic on da knickers and tongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'