Australian sheep farmer...

**Swoop** · 21st November 2005, 08:48

An Australian man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into
the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

**Wolf** · 21st November 2005, 12:30

Bollocks! He only claims the vet told him to try "artificial insemination"...

**Back Fire** · 21st November 2005, 16:33

........ BWAHAHAHAHAHA

**smokeyging** · 21st June 2006, 19:18

Raising Sheep the Hard Way
A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that they should by artificially inseminated. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead Will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives It some thought He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. Try again, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
“No”, she says, “they’re all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn”

**Flatcap** · 21st June 2006, 21:27

An oldie but a goodie

**devo** · 28th September 2007, 20:39

A farmer buys several pedigree sheep to breed with, after several matings with his ram they are still not pregnant so he phones the vet. Vet informs him, if the sheep are pregnant they will lay down and wallow in the grass, if they are not they will be stood up, adding if your rams not up to it, try artificial insemination.

Hanging up the phone, he wonders what artificial insemination is, and after a while comes to the conclusion it means to mate with the sheep himself. He loads the sheep into his pickup truck and drives them out to the woods where he gives them all a good seeing too. Next day all the sheep are stood up , so thinking it needs more than one go, loads them in his pickup , takes them to the woods and has sex with each sheep twice. Next morning all the sheep are still stood up.
Determined to breed with these sheep he loads them in his truck takes them to the woods and has sex with them all day long. Farmer crawls home, falls into bed and sleeps all night. Next morning too tired to get out of bed he shouts too his wife, "Are the sheep stood up or laid down"
"Neither she replies, "there sat in your pick up truck and ones beeping the horn" :

**Beemer** · 30th September 2007, 09:48

"Sniperrrr!"

Repost of a repost I'm afraid - the search function is your friend...

http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...l+insemination and http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...l+insemination

**devo** · 30th September 2007, 10:03

bummer
sorry

**JimO** · 30th September 2007, 17:08

new one to me

**one fast tl1ooo** · 13th December 2009, 06:08

A Kiwi man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed
exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

Try again. he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

No, she says, they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.