Toto's Christmas Tour 2009

[Gremlin]

Ah... the annual Christmas Tour... steeped in tradition it is. Well, actually, OK, maybe not. Toto first had the idea last year, but then got busy, so nothing happened. He put the word out this year... only I responded (that makes me crazy doesn't it?)

This year's idea was to head down to Wanganui. Neither of us had ever been before so seemed like a plan. Leave early on Christmas Day, Boxing Day in Wanganui and then a couple of days to head back to Auckland (Sunday to Gisborne or thereabouts and Monday round East Cape back to Auckland).

Things got off to a cracker start, leaving bang on time, with me showing up at Toto's dictated time.* Leaving the Autobahn, it was plain ol' simple down 1 until Ngaruawahia, where we got onto the nicer roads and headed due south. Very little traffic and zero cops (always a nice thing). Te Kuiti was the first gas stop and a lunch stop and we got there without a single unplanned deviation*. A great biker Christmas lunch was consumed (servo food) and we were on our way again to Taumarunui for gas.

It wasn't quite the quick stop I had planned, when a guy chatted to Toto about his Hornet (turned out he had one of his own - seems they're everywhere ). Then it turned out the shiny GSX1400 at the pump next to us belonged to Rider In Black, who came out as we were leaving, so we caught up with him anyway (I hadn't seen him since he had to pull out of the 2008 Grand Challenge). He was going straight to Wanganui, while we still wanted to ride the Forgotten Highway (I haven't done it going West, east once, but about 2 years ago and Toto had done it once before).

So far, the weather had been fantastic, perhaps a little too fantastic. Most time was spent finding a line through corners that wasn't shiny and soft. A lot of melted tar well... everywhere. The Forgotten Highway was a bit better for liquid tar, and it was as good as I remember it.

Reaching Stratford, I warned Toto that from then on we should probably keep a much closer eye on the speedo, as we hadn't seen a single cop yet. Sure enough... left Stratford, and there's one hiding at the end of a passing lane. Between two vehicles letting me know, the detector had picked him up anyway. We got stuck behind a car that would do 110-120 at every passing lane, but slow to 90 or less through all the corners. While bored out of my skull, the driver entertained me by picking their nose then eating it. Ta

Up ahead, I saw on the GPS the road swung to the right and then the left, in a curve, and there was a back road that sorta went straight. Of course, being rather well known for my habit of finding the weirdest routes, I took it. Very shortly, it turned into a lane about a car wide Awesome though, suspension got a good workout and I broke Toto's bike.

Well... when he didn't pitch up at the end after a couple of minutes, I went looking, and found him on the side of the lane, only a few hundred metres back. Turns out he'd put a hole in his tyre (don't know why) and the air had rushed off for an important meeting. A whole 5 psi had stuck around. It gets better... he has a puncture repair kit but has no idea how to use it. Like some failed male, he sits down, scratching his head READING THE FLAMING INSTRUCTIONS ignoring my insistence that I had already used them.

Eventually I get him on task, but while waiting, I manually pumped up the tyre a bit, as its rather hard trying to repair it when its flat. He reams the hole out... then stops... not sure what to do next... all the precious air disappearing. Fantastic. Back on task again, I show him how to use the turd, carefully documenting it for KB's enjoyment using my phone (attached below).

The big moment... the turd is in, and the first cylinder is applied. A short hiss... and he almost sobs, saying... "That's it?" I make a few references towards what a female may say to him, and the jokes flow. Middle of nowhere, patching a tyre. What a Christmas day

Three cylinders (19 psi) and a lot of ... hand pumping... and the tyre is about 35 psi. A quick stop in Hawera for more air and we made Wanganui without any more drama. The Grand Hotel is reported to be pretty much the only place offering dinner, so we rush over and grab some yummy steak and veg pie as the kitchen is closing.

Did a few laps of the circuit to get a feel for it, and roll on the racing tomorrow!

* this may not be entirely true

[gijoe1313]

Gremlin by name, gremlin by nature

:slap: TOTO should really know better by now!

[TOTO]

Well I knew it would be an adventure.

We were on the main route that was planned and occasionally, just occasionally that KTM would turn into a side street for no apparent reason. Alarm bells were ringing in my head "what are you doing" , "are you crazy ? - you know he is..." , "you may end up on a farm or getting shot at...".

Followed anyway and did a few country lanes some of which tighter than a ... well...tight. The latest of detours just outside of Stratford,that we took turned out to be basically the size of a pavement and thats was the last the Hooligan could take, so stopped for a much needed rest - the tyre had started fishtailing due to the puncture.

The repair went well despite Gremlin's attempts to help and "instruct". Instructions such as: " What are you doing reading the instructions? " "Real men dont need instructions" "Let me pump your honda if you want"

The "Hissss" that the CO2 cylinders make however is nowhere near long enough to give any satisfaction to the rider from the air goijng in the tyre. When I put the first one I expexted a nice long "Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" and seeing the tyre inflating half way. Instead all I got was a "Hissss", and thats when I screamed , "Thats it ? . Oh well 3 x "Hissss" = 19psi + some hand pumping = 35psi so good enough to ride to the next gassy

Interesting stuff all that biker bonding stuff...very interesting

*apparently KTM front tyres are full of enormous ammounts of helium

[Gremlin]

Interesting stuff all that biker bonding stuff...very interesting

*apparently KTM front tyres are full of enormous ammounts of helium

pffft fixing your broken honda on the roadside... shoulda got a KTM.

Least my tyres are full of something

[TOTO]

but you most definately had fun pumpung up the honda.

[Gremlin]

but you most definately had fun pumpung up the honda.

Somebody had to do something to get your damn Honda going again. You simply read some paper, probably expecting it to all magically happen.

Oh, and you even MISSED SOME INSTRUCTIONS

Me: You probably have to do xyz
You: I didn't see anything like that in the instructions
Me: quotes instructions...

You can't even read them right!

[TOTO]

I no from here, I allowed

[TOTO]

Well a superb day at the races. Saw plenty of bike folk including the two italians.

GiJoe has just passed by on one of his infamous pootles. Had dinner and a desert doughnuts and well on his way he went. Myself and Grumplin on the other hand got back to our super cosy lodge, and jumped straight in the pool. I managed to get water all over poor looking Gremlin like a wet ... kitty.

Souna was brilliant afterwords too

On our way to the east coast and expecting a day full of adventure. And knowing Gremlin, it will not take him long to bring "adventure" into our riding

Merry Christmas one and all

TOTO over and out

[Gremlin]

The sun rose revealing a gorgeous day at 9am (ok... when Toto's alarm went off, and the bugger didn't turn it off until I hit him).

Toto was incapable of trying different accomodation, and their distance to the racing, so deciding to leave all our gear in the lodge, we had a 20-30min walk (one way). Probably the most walking I have done in freaken ages.

Spent the day walking around the track, changing positions every few races. The early racing had some decent bins, I heard reports of possible spine damage and broken shoulders/collar bones. This seemed to slow the spate of incidents for the rest of the day. The protective barriers did their job though.

Nick Cole has come a long way, Stroud had the usual challenge of Shiriffs and poor Toby Summers (who is one of our best) was blown away completely by the two italians. It was a gorgeous sight indeed to watch the two eyeties sliding into a corner together, side by side with less than half a metre between them. It took only a single lap for the gap between them and the rest of the field to appear, and then constantly grew. Not bad for a couple of fellows, first time to NZ, never done a street circuit, and pretty much on the pace in the start of practise.

Used to doing marshalling in jeans or overalls and closed shoes, I didn't think to put sunscreen on my legs or feet... Putting the boots on tomorrow is going to be interesting since my legs are pink somehow

GiJoe popped by for dinner and we enjoyed a pork roast, desserts and good conversation. He repeatedly denied the offer of a bed, and is popping back to Auckland as I type this.

Back in the lodge, that homo Toto tried to romance me saying the pool was beautiful, stars, lights etc. I was having none of that, knowing the sorts that Honda riders are. He's currently snoring his head off (looks like plugs are standard issue once again) while I summarise the day.

The east coast is the destination tomorrow, just 500km or so, as the accomodation can't be reached too late (their restrictions). Should be awesome nonetheless.

I've got some shots from the day sitting on the laptop, but I'll post them at a later date.

[Hopeful Bastard]

Sounds great guys!!

[p.dath]

I must go and buy a puncture repair kit!

How big is your hand pump?

[gijoe1313]

I must go and buy a puncture repair kit!

How big is your hand pump?

Never, ever ask a Honda rider that!

[Gremlin]

How big is your hand pump?

It was the innovation brand or whatever. How big a ... pump... do you need? Its just two basic tubes, the inner fits a cylinder. You either put a cylinder in, and release that, or use a... (oh dear) back and forth motion on the two tubes to pump air into the tyre

Never, ever ask a Honda rider that!

see... they're dodgy buggers, always thinking of something else.

[Gremlin]

Day 3 rolled around with Toto absent from the room and his goddamn phone going off again. Several attempts later at trying to use my first Sony mobile I finally got his alarm to shut up (why does anyone have a the trumpet from the army as an alarm tone? )

Geared up (well, not quite as simple as that... the sunburn had ended up swelling my feet and legs, so getting into the boots took quite a while, lots of grunting and pain, and a fair bit of laughing from that Toto prick) and off to a servo for fuel for both bikes and ourselves (servo breakfasts woohoo!). Tried the Repco in Wanganui for more co2 cylinders but no luck (so no use for the 20% discounts handed out by the lovely girls at the track).

Left Wanganui around 11am with plenty of bikes having been heard prior, leaving. Up SH4 through the Paraparas to National Park (overtaking most of the bikes, who were stopping for gas or food I presume ). Stopped at Taupo for another servo meal and more fuel for the bikes. Coming into Taupo, we discovered all the missing traffic from earlier in the trip as well... but lots of nice girls to keep the eyes occupied.

Walking was still farking hard, of course, Toto kept commenting I walked odd... geeee I wonder why. Another stop between Taupo and Wairoa unscheduled, for Toto's rear tyre that was deflating quicker than my sunburn pain was disappearing. More hand pumping, and we suspected the rather brisk pace up the passing lanes could be partly to blame (one white honda sedan appeared to be stopped ).

Got into Wairoa and Toto got more practise at sticking turds in his tyres. It looked like the one turd had been slightly misplaced (heh... my first attempt years ago was much more successful than his) so he shoved another in, taking a lot less time, and the tyre didn't hassle us again during the trip. He said the accomodation was in the middle of nowhere, so we had to buy food now, for later. Into the servo to buy another meal (I've lost count how many meals were bought from servos...). Coming out with a cookie and 2 OSM's (One Square Meal, excellent things, just hard to eat one after another).

Toto looks at me surprised, saying, oh, I didn't mean NOW... there's a New World around the corner... ... twit... He shoots off to get some stuff, I stay in the shade. Supplies bought, we set off for the accomodation. Find it without too much drama, just on the outskirts before Mahia Beach, down a gravel road. Road there often had no centre lines, great road. The accomodation was... different... to Wanganui. Toto said Gisborne was full, so he tried places in the area. Anndion Lodge had free internet (+ wireless), pool, sauna, spa, bbq area, motorbike magazines etc.

Pukeko Lodge had rooms from the 50's, like time stood still. None of the above, barely even mobile reception, hence no updates that night... we could barely send a few txt, let alone find internet. It was very... rustic and... peaceful. Shot back to the nearby servo to get cash for the night. The lady running it left just after we left to explore. Good place to explore though, went right down the peninsula, covering a little over 100km, the vast majority being gravel, and now I have to update several roads on the GPS maps. Toto seemed to take the very gravel roads ok, seemingly resigned to his fate to end up in strange places, and enjoyed sliding around.

The late evening at the accomodation consisted of watching a little on the 1 channel (from freeview apparently) on the 12 inch TV and dinner, then bed. Toto's dinner was a capsicum, bread and sausage. He stunned me by holding all three and taking alternate bites of each. Urgh. At least he didn't eat the pips in the capsicum.

There wasn't much err... to do.

[Gremlin]

Toto's goddamn trumpet went off again, and again he was absent from the room. I gave up even attempting to find and smash the phone, waiting for him to do it instead.

Up a bit earlier at 8am instead of 9am, wanting to get on the road, given that we had to make Auckland via East Cape, and over 700km to go. Toto reported high cloud and a fine mist of rain... nothing major. We were both stoked to see our bikes still outside in one piece (the accomodation did seem a little like a horror movie where people and stuff disappears one by one). Discovered I had further broken the subframe holding the top box on, hmmm perhaps too much fun on the gravel the previous day, but the shop will weld that back up in the next couple of weeks.

Breakfast was remainder of purchased food, another OSM for me and Toto burning his bread and sausages directly on the flames of the stove... muppet.

Geared up (yeah, more yelling, but a bit less than before) and debating whether to use wets. Toto chose pants, and I chose to give my leathers a bit of a clean. On the road to the outskirts of Gisborne we had our closest encounter with a cop of the trip. Radar was instant on, powering out of a corner. Speedo read pull over territory, but innaccuracy meant we were probably in the buffer zone... certainly a bit too close for comfort, no lights came on, on cop, and we carried on.

In Makaraka, more fuel, no stoppping for us because of the short distance, and still ground to cover. Took a shortcut around Gisborne to avoid all the traffic. GPS to blame here... but what do you know... it wasn't exactly a shortcut. For those that know (for the rest, I'll do maps later) we used Waimata Valley Rd. This started great, much better than boring main roads, but turned to gravel. This went from bad to worse when Utting Rd which the GPS planned to take ended up being a No Exit. Toto was showing his limits here, not prepared to find out why it was no exit (the GPS said it went through, so I need to correct that at some point).

He said no, carry on on this road, how many km? 20km was the reply. Carried on, and... (laughing my arse off at this) sure enough, another problem. The next road we needed to take was private forestry, so another detour on a longer road (Hokoroa off the top of my head). Distance? 20km was the reply. More travelling on gravel roads that turned into forestry roads, right up into the cloud that was much lower. Reached an altitude of more than 620m. Cows and other animals, more detours, more estimates of 20km. Eventually we came back out on the main road anyway. Great adventure eh Toto?

Met the East Cape racing driver on the way north to Ruatoria. This guy was using the opposite side of the road to head into left handers etc, while we stayed on our side of the road. Passed him eventually, and carried on to Te Araroa. A good lunch consumed and on to Opotiki. Got caught in a major accident before Opotiki. I found the queue of cars as I crested a hill at usual touring pace. Toto commented later he saw the brake lights, front dive, rear just about lift, then noticed the reason.

Couple of other bikers had been caught there since 2.30pm (it was now 4pm). We got lucky, within 5-10min of being there, the road was opened, and only a couple of vehicles in front of us, the road was mostly clear of any cars. Stopped in Opotiki for more gas, I attended to a business call, and the destination was set for Waihi. I was reminded how painfully boring the roads were, the yellow paint man had been set loose, stupid speed limit of 90kph for a while etc. Approaching cop caused no issues, we were stuck behind a moron doing 90kph in the 100kph zone.

A longer break in Waihi, I needed a break from the horribly boring roads, the weather was closing in, so wets back on. Toto was given some more biker language. "2 it up" had to be translated into "We shall re-commence our long journey, departing Waihi and travelling on State Highway 2 and then joining State Highway 1 for our final approach into Auckland". Left around 8.30pm for the final push back to Auckland. The Karangahake Gorge consisted of rain and being stuck behind a car doing 50-60kph. No place or conditions for passing either. Traffic mostly cleared for SH2, but tinted visor and night did not make for easy passing.

Motorway was boring and predictable as always. I left Toto to continue to the shore while I ducked off at Manukau, and had a late dinner and said hello to family.

More stuff re routes taken etc to come at a later date. Busy been sorting work related matters today.