Should kids have to pay rent or board when living with parents?

[Ratti]

Hmm, interesting.
I don't see it as important to be hard on your kids per se. Though that is certainly one option.

If your kids appreciate, respect and value a gift (be it life, food a roof etc) and don't take them for granted then surely that is the goal isn't it?
Isn't that what you are trying to teach with your mean spirit?
If they do appreciate those things then why be mean spirited? What will be achieved?

I think some parents go on a power trip and/or simply get off on making their kids life hell.

How do kids that have never been shown compassion learn compassion?
We as humans tend to live in communities, isn't a part of that looking out for those in their community?

Whilst there some useless teens on this site, they are few and far between. Most are pretty damn good.
To be sure, I'm not advocating giving your children everything, and some definitely require a firm hand, but it's not a one size fits all thing.

For the record, self praise is no praise, and the result is not measured at age 18.

fact is Im a single parent and don t have spare money. As my parents did not have spare money to help me. I do what I can, but when it comes to cash it's very small.
Im sure the useless teens are a minority, but its the ones wot stick their heads up as gets shot down.
The son in question has a good heart, he rescued his mate from a stepfather who was beating him when they were 15, lad came to live with us, still calls me Mum and is turning out to be a darn fine young man as well. You still want to call me mean spirited and hard?

Self praise is all I have. I dont have anyone else to say 'well done'

Thanks Ocean1, I'd like to think I am in tune with my kids. and I agree, TANSTAAfl.
I owe the world and my community for the space I take up and I would like my kids to think the same way. Its up to them tho, all I can do is plant the seeds and try to nuture them.

Which brings me to the excellent point raised by Cheshire Cat..nature vs nuture.

I came across this debate so many times while I was doing my BA in Education and Psych... for what its worth ( and Im happy for others to hold a different view ) I think one is born with a certain set of hardwired circuits ( ie predispositions/nature) that can be turned on oroffas circumstances in ones life change ( ie nuture) Thus its entirely believable that the self centred, self destructive teen can with the right input and motivation change direction to become a compassionate caring adult.. i know this to be true as I have walked that path.
Hands up the rest of the KB'rs who have done the same???

cheers All

[peasea]

Totally agree with you there re the importance of pre schoolers and and shaping of attitudes.
But where does this put the paying rent thing?
If behaviour is set because of stuff that happened 14 or 15 years ago, does this mean the kids will either pay rent automatically out of a sense of duty or be no hopers forever?

I would suggest that they would want contribute to the household and that the question of whether they board or not would already be answered.

[peasea]

We all have our own definitions of a hard life, and none of us can know what sort of life the other has lived/is living.

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. My father, for example, grew up in an English village (Billing) where you got your water from the local well (it's now a historic site) and you had a bath once a week whether you needed it or not. He and my mum were married on August 31st 1939; ring any bells? It was the day WWll broke out and my old man was called up for service pretty much straight away. Both of them told me tales that came from two different battle fronts, my dad in the Royal Navy and my mum in the London blitz. They relayed some of what life was like back then to all their six children to help us appreciate what we had. An orange in the Christmas stocking was a treat for us.

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that, the mud, the cold, the blood and the hunger. My father (with icicles hanging from his eyelashes and nostrils) returned to his post during one battle on the Russian convoys to find it gone. My mother used to pick her way through bomb craters so that she could stand in line for hours (with my toddler sister in tow) for the likes of a loaf of bread.

Yeah, I think I have some idea of how others have lived and done it hard; because it was my family.

For me and my siblings, paying board was never in question when we started earning. Youngsters need to be taught that their contribution is valued, no matter how small it is.

[Beemer]

I should have hit the first option - by hitting the second I meant for those who have left school, not those who are still at school or university and have a part-time job that earns a little money. I had to pay board once I was working, and at the very least they should be helping out around the place and cleaning up after themselves.

If they aren't earning much, then they shouldn't pay a huge amount in board, but they should be buying their own toiletries and personal items and contributing towards the food and other expenses.

[crazyhorse]

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. My father, for example, grew up in an English village (Billing) where you got your water from the local well (it's now a historic site) and you had a bath once a week whether you needed it or not. He and my mum were married on August 31st 1939; ring any bells? It was the day WWll broke out and my old man was called up for service pretty much straight away. Both of them told me tales that came from two different battle fronts, my dad in the Royal Navy and my mum in the London blitz. They relayed some of what life was like back then to all their six children to help us appreciate what we had. An orange in the Christmas stocking was a treat for us.

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that, the mud, the cold, the blood and the hunger. My father (with icicles hanging from his eyelashes and nostrils) returned to his post during one battle on the Russian convoys to find it gone. My mother used to pick her way through bomb craters so that she could stand in line for hours (with my toddler sister in tow) for the likes of a loaf of bread.

Yeah, I think I have some idea of how others have lived and done it hard; because it was my family.

For me and my siblings, paying board was never in question when we started earning. Youngsters need to be taught that their contribution is valued, no matter how small it is.

Words choke me as I read this. The children of today cannot comprehend what you and others had to go through..... those were the tough times, and even my life growing up was nothing to what your family endured. My father died when I was only 14, and my life changed for me then. But when I read about your life....... well, yes. . An orange would be a huge treat

[avgas]

We all have our own definitions of a hard life, and none of us can know what sort of life the other has lived/is living.

So true. And while I think Peasea has a good story to tell..........it sometimes is very easy to say others have not had it as hard.
Some people fight wars on the battleground, some fight it in the mines, some fight in offices and some just fight them in own heads.
Hardest thing I have ever had to experience was to watch my dad curl up in a ball and start crying. And as far as I am concerned I believe I would rather see 100 people die in front of me than have a kids hero breakdown in front of them.
Likewise I hear stories from people with special needs. People like that fight a million wars every day.

It took me a long time to realise that parents will never ask for money. But that does not mean to say they don't need it badly. I imagine a lot of mums and dads out there are hurting with the whole financial crisis........... while their own kids go out and buy a new ipod.

[HenryDorsetCase]

my son pays board to teach him what good parents we are and how much he has cost us over the years......my question is....if his girlfreind stays over...can i charge her as well??

wouldnt that depend if she was charging HIM?

[sunhuntin]

This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

at the $2 shop, we have one woman who comes in every sunday. i started my job there mid last year, and in the time til now, that woman has missed only one sunday visit. she speaks in little more than a whisper and often talks of her great grandchildren. i guessed she was about 80. yesterday, she stayed and chatted for longer. i found out she was in fact 90 and the only one left from her family... parents and siblings had all died of cancer. she said the only reason she survived was that she was adopted out. i think she lives with one of her children and their offspring as she says the grandkids always ask her for treats, expecting them each and every time. hence she buys a lot of cheap kids toys from us.

i adore old people and often wonder what they have seen in their lives and what stories or lessons they may have to share. i feel honored that this lady shared part of her life story with my coworker and i. i feel that they should somehow document the memories of those who lived through such times before they are lost forever.

[gatch]

I got asked to leave high school early in 7th form, so I got a job in a butchery and started earning. My olds are poor so it wasn't really a question of if I should pay but how much. I moved out when I was accepted into the air force. I got the boot 19 months later lol. My olds had split by then so I moved in for a bit with my mum in Nelson. I got a job there and was earning way more than mum, but she would only let me pay half..

Was there for about 9 months then moved up here and got another job. Now I'm 23 and nearly finished an apprenticeship.

I can't understand why teenagers wouldn't pay if they were able.

[Swoop]

Yes and no.

I learned from my parents about what a hard life is. This November my eldest sister turns 70. She was a toddler in the blitz, facing bombed streets on an almost daily basis, buzz bombs and the like and she can explain what it's like to have a hard life, she remembers it well. So actually I do have some idea of how others have lived hard, I got the information first hand.

My grandfather was gassed in the trenches in WW1 and lived to tell the tale of that

Bloody 'ell. That rings a bell.
Both parents were kids during the blitz, and grandad was gassed at Ypres. Mum tells tales of bombers and V-1's, collecting shrapnel, houses having metal fences taken away for war use...

[peasea]

Bloody 'ell. That rings a bell.
Both parents were kids during the blitz, and grandad was gassed at Ypres. Mum tells tales of bombers and V-1's, collecting shrapnel, houses having metal fences taken away for war use...

Yeah mate, everything that could be melted down usually was. My dad was a bit canny and built a steel-topped table/box thingy for my mum and sister to hide under if they couldn't get to an air raid shelter quickly enough. He screwed a timber top to it in case it was spotted and subsequently swiped for the war effort.

[Swoop]

Yeah mate, everything that could be melted down usually was. My dad was a bit canny and built a steel-topped table/box thingy for my mum and sister to hide under if they couldn't get to an air raid shelter quickly enough. He screwed a timber top to it in case it was spotted and subsequently swiped for the war effort.

The Anderson shelters?


Dad was too young to be called up, but got hit with C.M.S for the Korean war...