Mormon Missionaries

[Edbear]

I always like to invite them in for a chat. Trouble is finding one these days... We've even shifted house several times but they still don't call around anymore. Last couple I had at my door was very funny. One was American the other was German. Well you can guess what question I asked them... "If your country called you up military service would you go?"

They both said, "Yes".... Very Brotherly, eh?

The other fun bit is when you have read the book of Mormon and can quote it, after they've assured you that the Book of Mormon and the Bible "go hand in hand", and you quote where it says "Adam fell that men may be" and contrast that with Genesis where God blessed Adam and Eve and told then to have children and fill the Earth. Difficult to reconcile that Adam's sin was having sex and yet God blessed them and told them to go to it...

There's more of course, but I won't labour the point...

[Maha]

"Sorry, I'm an Arsenal Supporter" would have the same effect if it was me hassling you in the street

Yeah they would probably die laughing at least......

[steve_t]

I was wondering if the Hamilton crew were knocking doors on their bikes.

I'm told that they own property in excess of $50m in Hamilton!!

Guess the key is to be persistent and convert people to your religion. Pastor Brian Tamaki and his multimillion dollar house and yacht have the right idea

[DEVVIL]

Otherwise, tell them that you are phoning me and I am on my way to his house naked to perform an amusing dance with a pie, a small lizzard and three chickens.....reckon he will fair shit himself....

Thay have to walk past my car

lol

[DougB]

I was accosted yesterday by two Morman youths on push bikes in Dinsdale Hamilton which is not far from the Morman temple.
I was asked how I was and replied none the better for your asking. They read the tone of my voice and raced off.

My Grandfathers house in Kaikohe was broken in to in the 1950's and a copy of the original book of Morman was the only thing taken.
These books had been sent out to the early Anglican missionarys in the early 1800's to show them how wierd and off track the
Mormans were. Every book published was taken in and destroyed and those sent out by the Church Missionary Society of London were
traced and "collected".

[Skyryder]

"Sorry, I'm an atheist" usually works for me.

My stock answer is that I'm a Bhuddist who attends a Christian church...................try it some guys................I guarantee you will stop them dead in their tracks.


Skyrder

[slofox]

My reply...

"Nah mate, I'm a pantheist..."
"What's that?"
"Oh, it's kinda like the ancient religion of Europe - y'know, before Christianity came along and fucked it all up?"
"Errr.....so what is it about?"
"Ahhhh....well, fertility rites, worship of the life force...paganism I guess. We get together at the full moon and...well...give thanks for fertility and life and all that kinda stuff...dance naked in the moonlight at midnight - you know..."
(They look at each other)
"Ahhh....right."
(One says to the other, sotto voce)"I dunno what this dude's fucked up on, but I reckon we oughta get outa here while we can!"
"Bye then"

[Dave Lobster]

I'm sure it was someone on here that suggested opening the door to them, while naked, and cracking one out with a
"FUCK OFF, I'M BUSY"

Still waiting for the bastards to come back so I can try that.

[Blackbird]

The wickedly steep 50 metre long drive to our place seems to test their faith. Haven't had a single one in 2 years!

[PrincessBandit]

We have a mormon flat in our street (the type that the church buys and keeps for the use of their missionaries while in "foreign lands").
The used to come regularly to our door despite the loooong r.o.w. drive and I usually try to be nice to them. The last pair we had come visit on multiple occasions I had many a great conversation with, and was able to tell them, hand on heart, than "no, I did not feel the burning in my bosom after reading the book of mormon". They were quite disappointed. In fact one of the books they gave me (forget what it's called) I handed back to them on their last visit with heaps of pencilled notes in the margins for them to ponder.

We haven't had any back for the last few years now....

I think if I were accosted by them in the street, and they wouldn't take my debate and no for an answer my response would be something like this:
"So, you are doing God's work then? That's great. Do you think Jesus set a good example of how to do God's work while he was here on earth? Yes? Hey did you know that He gave His message but then left people to make up their own minds? Jesus issued invitations to people to follow Him and if they chose not to He allowed them to go their own way. I really think that as you feel that Jesus was the standard setter that you should follow His example and allow me to go my own way. Oh, and by the way, what you are doing will not earn you a place in heaven".

I usually find the last sentence works well for most door knockers.

[Fatt Max]

We have a mormon flat in our street (the type that the church buys and keeps for the use of their missionaries while in "foreign lands").
.

So, that would be their missionary position then........

As for door knockers, I prefer window tits myself....

[martybabe]

See Mom, you take the piss out of my rugged good looks but once in a while they come in real handy..... A couple of so called' nice boys' ambled up my drive last summer just as I walked out the garage, I'd just finished weight lifting so I was all pumped and sweaty, a foot long beard, a shaved head and a stare that could curdle milk. Without a word of a lie, they took one brief but scared look, turned on their heels and mumbled sorry to bother you and almost ran back down the drive

Part 2: Two plumpish women with small child struggle up driveway with the good book in hand, on seeing the dodgy geezer lurking in the shade having a smoko, the child stopped dead in her tracks, got yanked back by the large lady and a hasty exit was made with nothing more than "have a nice day" uttered as the sermon for the day.

Back in the day when I was a pretty boy and therefore more approachable, I found the declaration that I was a Spiritualist usually did the trick. "I see dead people" fair puts the wind up em

I got nothing agin em really but after 52 years on this planet, they've got nothing to say that I haven't heard before and life is to short to waste it listening to stuff I have no interest in, people that volunteer to help people in hospices and kids that look after disabled parents and stuff are really doing God's work but as a rule they don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it, if they did, they would get a moment of my time, bless em.

[steve_t]

So, that would be their missionary position then........

As for door knockers, I prefer window tits myself....

I can't believe I haven't heard that one before! Where have I been?!!

[ynot slow]

Try this works anywhere.
When they quote from the bible,ask them to read,then use lighter to ignite their bible,works pretty well,they tend to drop their holier than thou quotes.

[Laxi]

"cant stop right now! we're on our our way to rip out a virgins heart and offer it to our lord satan" at the very least it's worth it for the amusing look on their faces