Mormon Missionaries

[Fatt Max]

Try this works anywhere.
When they quote from the bible,ask them to read,then use lighter to ignite their bible,works pretty well,they tend to drop their holier than thou quotes.

Brilliant work,

Or, when you know they are in the area, hire yourself a 6'8" gay Jamaican with a maaaasive diddler. When the boys come a knocking, invite them in, hit them over the head, tie em up and let Rasta's the Great loose with his 8" kidney wiper. When they question your reasons, simply say "How about that for an immaculate conception...."

Might be a tad illegal but where would the fun be in the world if we didnt bend a few rules, eh.......

[oldrider]

Mom, now that I know of your walking route be vigilant for a nearsighted skinny o'l codger lurking in the hedges!

[CookMySock]

So how do you get rid of these over zealous God bothering zealots that accost you when you are out and about, walking of an evening, minding your own business. Very annoying.

Tell them how you feel about it. Serious. Try it with everyone. It works.

Just do it. Start with "I feel....." and name them all. Don't be mean and don't be tempted to add something rude, just name every feeling you can identify. It makes you feel better too.

It's non-invasive, non-violent, and doesn't ask them to do anything about it. Once you get good at it, it happens automatically and it's brilliant for lowering your own stress levels.

Once you have said your piece, walk away. hehe watch the look on their face - they won't be used to that.

Steve

[tri boy]

Offer to sell them drugs, at a good price, and ask if they would like to "rent" your sister for a couple of hours.
They'r f**king weirdo's, that just don't get the whole "live n let live" theme.

[Fatt Max]

just don't get the whole "live n let live" theme.

Yeah, never liked Paul McCartney and Wings. They did the theme to Live and Let Live...didnt they....??

[Edbear]

See Mom, you take the piss out of my rugged good looks but once in a while they come in real handy..... A couple of so called' nice boys' ambled up my drive last summer just as I walked out the garage, I'd just finished weight lifting so I was all pumped and sweaty, a foot long beard, a shaved head and a stare that could curdle milk. Without a word of a lie, they took one brief but scared look, turned on their heels and mumbled sorry to bother you and almost ran back down the drive

Part 2: Two plumpish women with small child struggle up driveway with the good book in hand, on seeing the dodgy geezer lurking in the shade having a smoko, the child stopped dead in her tracks, got yanked back by the large lady and a hasty exit was made with nothing more than "have a nice day" uttered as the sermon for the day.

Back in the day when I was a pretty boy and therefore more approachable, I found the declaration that I was a Spiritualist usually did the trick. "I see dead people" fair puts the wind up em

I got nothing agin em really but after 52 years on this planet, they've got nothing to say that I haven't heard before and life is to short to waste it listening to stuff I have no interest in, people that volunteer to help people in hospices and kids that look after disabled parents and stuff are really doing God's work but as a rule they don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it, if they did, they would get a moment of my time, bless em.

You may be surprised, mate.

[MaxB]

Maybe they are living in hope?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormon_sex_in_chains_case

[Dave Lobster]

Brilliant work,

Or, when you know they are in the area, hire yourself a 6'8" gay Jamaican with a maaaasive diddler. When the boys come a knocking, invite them in, hit them over the head, tie em up and let Rasta's the Great loose with his 8" kidney wiper......

I do know a lad and his brother that employed a couple of junkies for a similar job when they caught a handful of burglars in their house in Newcastle. They didn't get burgled again.

[Fatt Max]

I do know a lad and his brother that employed a couple of junkies for a similar job when they caught a handful of burglars in their house in Newcastle. They didn't get burgled again.

Wot, after they were turd burgled......great effort mate

[Tink]

It appears though the tactics have changed
Interesting observation. He had a mate. Very annoying.

My uncle (divorced from my moms sister) is a morman, and his 4 kids (my cousins) are not, when my cousin came to NZ in the 80's (they all live in or near SLC).... she used to yelll out the car window, down with mormans, back then we thought it funny, but now we wonder why... she loved her dad, still does... but living (I have also lived with them in SLC).... WITH THEM makes you very anti them.

I used to shut the door, or not even open it... now I would prob look him in the eye... and say... when I die you mormans will take my rights and put them in your history, is that not enough... now go away. Fact in the geneology center in SLC the world facts sit... we all end up their eventually ... the place is fantastic if your looking for history, but scary too.

[Donor]

We had some mormons at the door about 4 years ago.

Told them I was a member of the First Church of Satan in New Zealand.

Haven't seen 'em back here since, and the bastards usually cross the road to get by my place

[PrincessBandit]

Yeah, never liked Paul McCartney and Wings. They did the theme to Live and Let Live...didnt they....??

That would be "Live and Let Die" mate...

Wot, after they were turd burgled......great effort mate

Where do you get those delightful expressions from?

I remember seeing a movie (yeah, it was pron, what can I say) called "Orgasmo" which starred "mormon" chappies. I know it wasn't the Mormon Few as they wouldn't have been twinkles in their dad's eyes back then, although they could probably do their own 'exotic' films.

[Reido]

so how about we get some addresses of these chaps and go pay them a visit early in the morning
"Hi Im wondering if you'd be interested in atheistism ( or devil worship)?"


see how they like it

[PrincessBandit]

so how about we get some addresses of these chaps and go pay them a visit early in the morning
"Hi Im wondering if you'd be interested in atheistism ( or devil worship)?"


see how they like it

Come visit me in my street and I'll point out their flat for you.

[Pussy]

Come visit me in my street and I'll point out their flat for you.

You offering to show the position of the missionary..... you know.... the missionary position....