Precise calibration is essential

[Pussy]

I know it's obvious.... but they're tapered to stop your arse slamming shut

[HenryDorsetCase]

the george brett remix




the original.

True story.

[Hitcher]

Does anyone know if you can change the outcome through carefully holding back?

Cow in Kentucky killed by cork, short sharp showers of shit in Shropshire.

[peasea]

More time than it takes number 7 to hit the water.

But did it wave on the way down?

[Ronin]

But did it wave on the way down?

It was surfable

[Pixie]

Excellent.I wonder if my GP will understand if I tell her my stools are a 3 on the Bristol scale?
Can you have intermediate levels,like a 3.6 ?

It's sort of like the Rockwell scale of hardness isn't it?

Is there an equivalent scale for flatus?

Edit: I note that the scale is referred to as the Meyers Scale:"Sometimes referred to in the UK as the "Meyers Scale," it was developed by Heaton at the University of Bristol "
So I assume the correct terminology would be 3.6 on the Meyer Scale

[MSTRS:Me]

Is there an equivalent scale for flatus?

The musical scale?
Beethoven's unfinished symphony, scored in B-minor?

[Pixie]

Now that you have a calibration chart, you should be able to specify exactly what type. You couldn't do that before, now could you?

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk Type 5 shit Mr Hitcher.

They forgot to include Type 8 - the one that comes with high pressure gas and explodes once exposed to normal atmospheric pressure and covers all exposed surfaces.Poo Bombs

[Spyke]

THE POOPIE LIST

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.


( just to help with a few more styles if you couldn't find your poopie on hitchers list)

[MSTRS:Me]

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

AKA - a fart with lumps.

[Ronin]

Proof positive that sometimes you just talk Type 5 shit Mr Hitcher.

They forgot to include Type 8 - the one that comes with high pressure gas and explodes once exposed to normal atmospheric pressure and covers all exposed surfaces.Poo Bombs

I direct your attention to

I had been dying from the man flu for a couple of days and my chest had about 30 litres of crud floating around in them. Of to the chemist to get something to clear it up. Bottle of Robistussin in hand I shoot around to a mates place. Deciding that a ride would cure all ills we up and shot out the the Gladdy. Much Coke and Wedges were consumed. After an hour or so 'twas time for home so home we headed. Now being a man and dying as I was from the man flu I hadn't measured the dose of Robitussin, I had in fact just up ended the bottle and taken a sizeable gulp.

Those of you who have done this will see where this is headed.

About halfway home my body decided that I needed a crap... Actually no, I needed a crap 10 minutes ago... On second thoughts you need to crap NOW!. Now I'm not sure where in the world the most uncomfortable place to start arse cramping is but I'm guessing a bike is right up there on the list. Shuffling from side to side I manage to wedge my cheeks together and decide that riding a lot faster would be a splendid idea. Or would have been if every bump on the road hadn't suddenly transformed into the Himalayas. The faster I went, the more I needed to crap, the more I needed to crap, the faster I went.

The trip up my driveway was epic. Rossi would have been left stone cold dead. Cursing ATGATT, velcro tearing, swearing and cursing I made it to the porcelain haven just in time for both my lungs to evacuate them selves through my arse.

The following 5 minutes have been censored to protect the young and squeamish.

Later I checked the bottle.

"May cause laxative effect"

A definate Type 8 event on the Meyer Scale. Another thought, is the Meyer scale exponential like the Richter?

[Mikkel]

I think that you are looking for the Beaufort scale

Another way to rank flatus could be L50 as well.

[duckonin]

Geeezzzzz, and I took time out to read all that shit !!!