What would you do?

[Mully]

Been there, done similar. Go to court and get the order amended.

Yep, this one.

10 is old enough, I reckon.

Or, if she wants to be a bitch and enforce the time you have, take Nathan out on the bike for as long as possible on every day you do have him.

[avgas]

raftn what I am about to say will be a little cold - but I have seen this many times in my life (and I am not very old).
She is legally out to rape you.
She is building a legal case so that you do not have custody.
She is getting advise about how to right these letters. This advise may not be from a lawyer, but most likely someone of education. To pull apart her letter line-by-line:

From this date we will be going back to the court appointed access arrangements (Thurs - Sun fortnighthtly).
(This was already planned by both her and her lawyers/friends/legal aid - you just gave them the excuse)

I am disappointed and disgusted at your apparent disregard for our son's safety, and my repeated plea that you do not travel all over the countryside with him on the back of your motorcycle.
(I don't know your wife, but the average reaction to this would be "You dangerous fuck, why are you trying to kill my kids!"....not what she has written)

Both my children are extremely precious and I can not understand why you would place life and limb at risk unnecessarily. Nathan is too young to understand the dangers, and I would expect you, as an adult (and parent) to be far more responsible than what you are over this issue.
(Re-inforcement for court action, justification for argument, reasons why she is right and you are wrong. Once again, written in legal form, not human reaction e.g. should say "You know we both love the kids....")

Sailing and fishing were far better father/son/family activities than motorcycling!!!
(Per chance does she have a new man in her life, one that does these first 2 activities as well???? In court you have to argue that my home is better than your home etc)

If you continue to be so senseless, there will be further issues concerning access to contend with.
(Once again normal reaction would be "Don't fuck with me or the kids..." the above is lawyer speak for see you in court)

I am not a lawyer (I just fuck with them on my time off), but she is expecting you to have a 'crazy man' reaction. This makes you also look bad in the courts.
Get yourself a GOOD lawyer now. Show them this.
BE CALM, and calculating. Do no disclose any information to her. Claim that no only are you a safe rider you always remain below speed limits (if you can question if she is just as safe - do so here). State to her the children have the safest riding gear available, paid for by top dollar.
BE CALM and collective. Observe what she does or says, spin it back at her (in court affidavits).....but most of all be calm about it.
PM me if you want more help.
Be calm and coolly tell her she is wrong and re-reinforce the reasons why.
BE CALM and take her down. She is out to get you man, but the best defence is retorted offence.

[Love my Bonnie]

Been here myself
I didnt like my ex taking our son on his bike, BUT I know he loved our son and would not do anything to hurt him.
Your EX is just using the kids as ammo to get at you because now you are seperated, its the only thing she can control in your life.
Dont let her get to you, enjoy your kids while you can, if that means not taking your son on your bike for a few years until he is old enough to decide for himself, then its really a small price to pay
Because in the end, its about your kids and the bond you have with them
It seems like giving in to her, but is it really worth the fight? Its her way of continuing your hassles.

[mashman]

I'd be knocking on the door for a sit down chat with your son, her and her fella... ask your son if he feels like his life is in danger... ask mum to justify why he's not allowed on the bike anymore... check out the reaction of the adults... you may find out more that way... Ask her why she doesn't trust you (unless that's a stoopid question) with your son on the back... but as Mr Gas above says... be calm, know what you want to ask... ask it and then get the fuck out... Then it's either a legal fight, or one less thing for you and your son to do... Unlucky mate... Good Luck

[rustyrobot]

I'd be knocking on the door for a sit down chat with your son, her and her fella... ask your son if he feels like his life is in danger...

It's unfair to put your son in the middle of this. If you have this conversation, I don't think he should be there. You two are the adults, it is not his responsibility to sort this disagreement out, or be dragged in to it in that way.

I have to say that I disagree with Avgas that the email is necessarily written by a lawyer, or with that in mind. Hey, maybe he his right, or maybe it's bitter paranoia. I totally agree when he says "BE CALM and collective" (sic).

Perhaps I am being a bit hopeful when I envisage you both as emotionally mature adults going through the difficult task of sharing the responsibilities of raising children in a separation. My advice presumes this. Maybe you are both scheming and underhanded and wanting to play power games. In that case, it probably wont work.

In my opinion, if you really put your children's welfare first, then maintaining a good relationship with their mother is important. Planning to "take her down" is not.

[BiK3RChiK]

What Avgas says Roger... She's out to get you. Cool, calm and collected!

Sorry this is happening to you...

Mavis

[spajohn]

This advise may not be from a lawyer, but most likely someone of education.

Completely agree with Avgas that this has been worded specifically for a legal fight - whether or not by a lawyer I suspect you have been through the courts so she has had a taste of this first hand and likely has a bit of experience from that.

I'm not a lawyer, and not sure about in NZ, but from my brothers divorce in Aus there is a difference between custody and decision making for the children's welfare. Not sure of the correct terms but the difference being you may have the right to see him Wed-Sun, but without joint 'custody' (or something like that) she can make decisions for his well being without your say-so. If that is the case I would suggest you are in a weaker bargaining position from the outset - you also know what your own riding history, demerit points etc, that should could use against you if it goes to court regarding safety.

As tempting as it is to wind up these situations always go better if you keep your cool. Make sure you know what your rights are from the agreement in place, and get some advice on what the risks are for her to have them reduced. If you can keep it out of the courts even better.

Good luck.

[mashman]

It's unfair to put your son in the middle of this. If you have this conversation, I don't think he should be there. You two are the adults, it is not his responsibility to sort this disagreement out, or be dragged in to it in that way.

He's already in the middle... might be worth asking him how he'd like to spend the time with his dad? If the step father is putting pressure on the mother, then there's emotional blackmail in there somewhere for her to tell you no more... Plus if she's the one saying no, wouldn't you like to be there to find out exactly what she says to him about why he can no longer go on the bike, or maybe back his mothers position (as much as you might detest it) so that he doesn't hate her... they're my reasons for suggesting your son should be involved... But that's just what i'd do is all...

[GOONR]

I'm with avgas on this, if she was 'just' pissed off I would have thought that the natural reaction would have been to pick up the phone and call you a dangerous arse. This just stinks of 'now I have proof that I've called him out'.

Sorry dude but as avgas has said I'd be hunting out a good lawyer.

Hope it doesn't all turn to shit for ya.

[CookMySock]

Typical irate-female overreaction to her own beliefs. I'm fucking glad most chix just aren't like this - luv ya's all..

Unfortunately, the court appointed access arrangements will be legally binding, unless you challenge them.
I expect there are a few actions of hers you could describe as senseless as well.

She is legally out to rape you. She is building a legal case so that you do not have custody. She is getting advise about how to right these letters. This advise may not be from a lawyer, but most likely someone of education.

Whoa, slow down. That's all on the basis of what you believe. It is possible, even likely, that she genuinely feels afraid (even though misguided) for the kids' safety.


Steve

[Tank]

real advise - tread carefully - negotiate.

If it was my kids - I would happily give up riding on the days I have access to have the extra time with them. Perhaps if you gave that assurance to the ex missus the problem could be solved. Its does not look like you are going to easily get her to allow riding - so that may be the price you pay (unless you get the dates / access changed by the courts)

Other advise:

Shoot the bitch.

Either way - best of luck.

[Bald Eagle]

Typical irate-female overreaction to her own beliefs. I'm fucking glad most chix just aren't like this - luv ya's all..

Unfortunately, the court appointed access arrangements will be legally binding, unless you challenge them.
I expect there are a few actions of hers you could describe as senseless as well.

Whoa, slow down. That's all on the basis of what you believe. It is possible, even likely, that she genuinely feels afraid (even though misguided) for the kids' safety.


Steve

Nah she's playing power games , prob influenced by her new fella. Burn her in oil at the earliest opportunity

[peasea]

I currently have access to my children form wednesday night to SUnday night, and also the following wednesday till 7.30pm

Last weekend I took my son for a ride to have morning tea with his Nana in Matakana.


LAst night I recived this email form the x wife.

From this date we will be going back to the court appointed access arrangements (Thurs - Sun fortnighthtly).

I am disappointed and disgusted at your apparent disregard for our son's safety, and my repeated plea that you do not travel all over the countryside with him on the back of your motorcycle.

Both my children are extremely precious and I can not understand why you would place life and limb at risk unnecessarily. Nathan is too young to understand the dangers, and I would expect you, as an adult (and parent) to be far more responsible than what you are over this issue.

Sailing and fishing were far better father/son/family activities than motorcycling!!!

If you continue to be so senseless, there will be further issues concerning access to contend with.


I dont think their will be a court in the land that will deny me my Kids because I take one of them out for a ride occasionally. But She has now canned the extra days i was having because of this. What should I do next.

Cave in?.............or let this go to court and fight for the extra time with them?

Please note, I have purchased all the correct fitting gear for my son, Helmet that fits, proper boots, bike jacket, bike pants with lining and padding and gloves.
I love my kids to bits and take his safty very importantly when he is on the bike.

I've been through all this, it's a fucking nightmare but rule number one is; don't fly off the handle. Stay out of the woman's face as much as possible.

The best thing I ever took to court was a request from my children to spend more time with me. Looking back I think there was a pretty good case for me getting custody but it would have been an ugly and expensive fight. I left the kids and the ex in the family home and now that the girls have grown up they are grateful for that and both of them can now see why I left their mother.

Take my advice and remain calm. Talk to your lawyer and get him/her to talk to the kid's legal representative. So few adults ask the kids what THEY want because they are so wrapped up in their own emotions. (Not saying that's how it is with you but it is often the case.) If the kid's lawyer (I assume there is one) puts a case for the kid(s) wanting more time with you then it's very likely it'll happen, in time.

All this is a time consuming mission but things have swung back in favour of good fathers in recent years, so don't despair.

Good luck.

[aprilia_RS250]

My solution:

Find someone half her age and weight, twice the looks and loves riding (you+bike) who will also get along with your boy. He’ll go home tell the ex all about it, it’ll be like adding salt to a wound.

[hayd3n]

My solution:

Find someone half her age and weight, twice the looks and loves riding (you+bike) who will also get along with your boy. He’ll go home tell the ex all about it, it’ll be like adding salt to a wound.

bingo