The Movie Review Thread

[Jin]

i dont know what you think i have against lesbians or bmw riders.




...Or the Jewish.

And i am subtle as a motherfucker. Do you see? DO YOU SEE?

My bad. You are as subtle as a sledgehammer.

[HenryDorsetCase]

gravity:

sandra's bollocks. only one wet tee scene.

for a movie with only 2 actors (and i don't much care for the other guy either) it managed to fill the time. fuck knows what the story line was, which means it was shit.

a lot of spinny-camera work which added exactly fuckall.
*some* not-shit imagery, but so minimal and so widely dispersed it isn't worth mentioning beyond mentioning that it isn't worth mentioning.

your life will be no better for watching it. 4/10


taken 3:
if you've seen the first two. you've seen the first two.
this one puts a slight kink in who gets kidnapped but the story's much the same and the dialogue is just as contrived. bonus is that it has a black guy, and it's less "taken" than the first two.
infact, from when i've seen it, i've already forgotten it.

7/10. mindless time-filler.

the heat:
i'll only review this to say: don't fucking bother.
fat people are disgusting. fat women more so, and fat women that literally swear for the entirety of a far-too-long movie, they can fuck right off (it's the same fat bitch in SPY, which is also a shit movie)
also has sandra bollocks.

thoroughly not worth the time. can i give a 0/10? surely they must get SOMETHING for going to the effort of making a fucking movie.... but no. 0/10.

...okay. maybe 1/10 because it had some lulz. but not enough to make it worth enduring the full movie.

the matrix:
once upon a time i knew every fuckup in this movie. i can still pick most of them.
a shame it wasn't longer, really. and less shit. not that it IS shit. it just could have been less shit.
well ahead of it's time, to use a cliché.
worth a revisit, maybe every decade. it's a shame the special effects have become so mainstream they can seem blasé on rewatch.

two french words in a sentence, do i win anything?
8/10. because matrix is matrix.

minions.
i enjoyed. other adult companions did not. children did (twice)
that said, i still dont know what happens in the middle because i fell asleep/passed out drunk both times.
7.5/10 if you have to sit through a childrens movie, there's worse ones.

hot shots':
just watch them. they're funny as fuck. 9/10

shrek 3:
they're milking the franchise, but still some lulz. as above, there's shittier kids movies to suffer.

BTW: you're welcome kb. i do this for you, y'know.

I enjoyed GRAVITY quite a bit though some of the imagery was as subtle as, um, say, one of your reviews. I will pretty much watch Sandra Bullock in anything. By the way I have a spare copy of the DVD of DEMOLITION MAN if you want it. See where it all started for her. Lenina Huxley. Bonus if you can tell me what the three seashells are for. PM me your address. Or an address, I'll chuck it in an envelope for ya.

I thought the space effects in GRAVITY were well done especially some of the untethered flying stuff though of course THE MARTIAN sets the benchmark for that stuff now.

Also: you need to see THE MARTIAN. Thank me later. Its fashionable in some quarters to disparage Matt Damon but he is excellent if the script is good. And he is very good in this.

[Akzle]

I enjoyed GRAVITY quite a bit though some of the imagery was as subtle as, um, say, one of your reviews. I will pretty much watch Sandra Bullock in anything. By the way I have a spare copy of the DVD of DEMOLITION MAN if you want it. See where it all started for her. Lenina Huxley. Bonus if you can tell me what the three seashells are for. PM me your address. Or an address, I'll chuck it in an envelope for ya.

thanks. But they've recently invented this thing called the internet, where you can get pretty much any shit for free.

I didnt like gravity, and you suggest martian.
Have i done something to annoy you? Do you just fucken hate me?

Jeeebus, even reading its tagline makes me want to shit. Knowing it has maaaaaat daaaaaamaaaaaan in it, fuck that.

and
I AM FUKEN SUBTLE, CUNT.

[HenryDorsetCase]

thanks. But they've recently invented this thing called the internet, where you can get pretty much any shit for free.

I didnt like gravity, and you suggest martian.
Have i done something to annoy you? Do you just fucken hate me?

Jeeebus, even reading its tagline makes me want to shit. Knowing it has maaaaaat daaaaaamaaaaaan in it, fuck that.

and
I AM FUKEN SUBTLE, CUNT.

Indded, thou art known for thy subtlety a crss between Maciavelli and Pope Francis the 16th.

THEMARTIAN is excellent

What is this "internet" of which you speak?

[FlangMasterJ]

Legend http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3569230/

The film tells the story of the identical twin gangsters Reggie and Ronnie Kray, two of the most notorious criminals in British history, and their organised crime empire in the East End of London during the 1960s.

Awesome film. Tom Hardy is incredible playing both of the notorious Kray twins. They've managed to have both Hardy characters interact nearly seamlessly. You forget that they're the same guy by the end. Like most British mob flicks the humour and blase violence is top notch.

If you want to see one hell of an acting performance check this film out.

8.5/10

[Akzle]

What is this "internet" of which you speak?

[Akzle]

rawr.... Y u no embed???

[FlangMasterJ]

rawr.... Y u no embed???

Mobile homie.

[Smifffy]

The bear attack scene was well nasty eh.

Not sure if this counts as a spoiler or not, but anyway.....

It was kinda weird when he was trying to climb out of the hole afterwards. The rest of the theatre was on the edge of their seats and I was trying not to crack up laughing because all I could think of was Leo in the scene from wolf of wall street trying to make it to the car while fucked up on qualudes.

[Akzle]

Watched The Revenant the other night, really really good! Go see it.

epic long ae.

beautifully filmed, stunning imagery. nothing quite like the click-foom of a muzzle loader.

epic epic survival, but gets to a point where it's like "what else could go wrong", pretty typical revenge story when it comes down to it. giants doing final battle shit.

leo has a poise which broke character a couple (only a couple) of times. some unnecessary scenes (sleeping in a horse..) couple of survivalist fuckups (shoot a grumpy bear...)

but long ae.

still. stunning.

9/10

[J.A.W.]

epic long aye, beautifully filmed, stunning imagery. nothing quite like the click-foom of a muzzle loader.

Ol' timey frontiersman Davy Crockett made a livin' out of hunting big-as bears for their meat.. usin' a muzzle loadin' rifle, & a Bowie knife..

See below, if of interest..

www.historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5816

[HenryDorsetCase]

Do make sure you go see THE HATEFUL EIGHT. It is excellent. Bigger screen = better.

[J.A.W.]

Do make sure you go see THE HATEFUL EIGHT. It is excellent. Bigger screen = better.

Needed a decent editing, IMO - Q.T. gets carried away with too much talky-talky..

But.. it does give the resident KB haters something to try & emulate, they've been real pathetic here lately..

[Akzle]

yerr.
revisited ted, the first.
deffo wide of the mark. few lulz, and there's worse people to look at than big-eye pinko-jewess. but....... 5/10

[JATZ]

Do make sure you go see THE HATEFUL EIGHT. It is excellent. Bigger screen = better.

Just got back from it..... Meh It was alright but I don't think I'd watch it again

Needed a decent editing, IMO - Q.T. gets carried away with too much talky-talky..

What JAW said..... to much yabberin, although there was some good lines. I kept expecting S.L.J. to give his speech about the lord reigning down his vengeance apon thee though
Shoulda been about 1/2 hour shorter