The Movie Review Thread

[Akzle]

looper

brilliant. On the whole.
At times felt like a few different stories/styles/movies were mashed together.
The three different times were handled somewhat inelegantly.
But generally, pretty awesome. 9/10

[Jin]

Did a 3 evening session watching lord of the rings. Hard to believe it's over 12 years old now. Still amazing and glad i saw them in the big screen.

[Akzle]

branded

it's like... they chucked a whole lot of ideas into a blender with no lid, then scraped off everything that stuck to the floor and ceiling, spliced it together and ran with that.

it's missing the wall bits.

i couldn't help but picture my penis in the lead vag's face hole the whole time.

not that she wasn't up to the acting, that shit was superb
(the guy, too, probably moreso)
just that there was so much gap to be filled (pun intended), and she's incredibly attractive.

rather disjointed (as blender analogy) but some kind of coherent.s

pretty artful, on the whole, with a "society is stupid" theme to boot.

8/10

[Akzle]

cloud atlas

what, like, 5 movies in the blender...
I get the whole "history never repeats but often rhymes" and "souls persist through the ages" but at the end of it it still felt a bit nebulous.

Superlative acting from everyone involved, and on their own the five threads are brilliant in themselves,
but the "link" is fairly tenuous and disjointed, in that they don't progress together. In saying that, they twist through each other fairly seamlessly.

Oh, it's also 3 hours long and could do with an intermission or 2, but the pace is pretty driven and there's no lull that would allow it.
On the whole, thoroughly enjoyable. 9/10

[AllanB]

Looper - I agree -great movie.

Lord of the Rings - I wonder if it was not made in NZ by Sir Peter if we would rate it so much as a nation? Me, I found it boring rubbish. Yeah yeah good effects, but if I am ever in need of a instant sleep, 5 minutes of these movies will send me off.

[Akzle]

Lord of the Rings - I wonder if it was not made in NZ by Sir Peter if we would rate it so much as a nation? Me, I found it boring rubbish. Yeah yeah good effects, but if I am ever in need of a instant sleep, 5 minutes of these movies will send me off.

short people walking up a hill for 9 hours, dilligaf.

i only saw one, and it was that long ago (probably when it was released) and the drudgery still echoes.
and I remember the dwarf thing smashing his axe, and then saying "with my axe" - in one piece.
so poorly done, to boot.
LOTR is shit.

[mada]

Looking forward to December when this finally comes out.

[Akzle]

Red Tails

pretty much a (very) average yank war flick, just with a chocolate twist.
in saying that, darkie funnies are funnier than whitey funnies, but still, this shit aint that funny.
and like a twin jet couldn't close on a single prop, please. WAY overdone dog fights. which for a third of the movie, is inexcusable (the other third is a shitty love story, the other is black jibes and ass-patting airmen)

was there not a lot happening in 2012? every fucking movie is 2 hours long!
this one, reeeeeeallllyy not worth it unless you're prepared to set your banjo and brain aside, blaze a huge fucking cone and just mung it.

3/10, fucken jews wasting my time.

[Akzle]

A piquant movie you say? how about THE COOK THE THIEF HIS WIFE AND HER LOVER?

tits are good. better than good in fact

pi·quant (pē′kənt, -känt′, pē-känt′)
adj.
1. Pleasantly pungent or tart in taste; spicy.
2. Appealingly provocative; charming: a piquant wit; a piquant face.

those are not piquant tits.
and given how little of the movie they make up anyway...

that movie's pretty shit. 3/10

loses points for the annoying and irrelevant, but persistent singing kid, the ignorant monologue (which is basically the whole script), and... well, everything.

gets points for the imagery and costume.

[Akzle]

premium rush

well, despite being about fucking c*clists... lulz a plenty, styley with the overlays, starts strong but kinda fizzles in the middle (bike chase≠car chase) and gets to the point of overplaying the graphics, but picks up for an acceptable if silly finalé.

eeeep. 7.25/10

[OddDuck]

Ex Machina.

Odd wee film, four characters (and only three do any real talking), disturbing but very good.

Bright young man wins a contest: test an A.I. to see if it can pass as human. The testing is to take place at his employer's luxurious but remote house, in a climate of near total secrecy and security.

There's a maid, who doesn't seem to talk much. Apart from her it's just him and his very wealthy, slightly unsettling boss. And the A.I., of course.

Effects are flawless, the look of the machine - Ava - is perfect. So is the cinematography, score, lighting, the house itself is a stunning setpiece... the whole movie is a masterclass in moviemaking.

What you watch when you want to see something challenging. 8.5 / 10.

[Akzle]

Ex Machina.

Odd wee film, four characters (and only three do any real talking), disturbing as hell, but very good. What you watch when you want to see something challenging. 8.5 / 10.

interesting review. i give it 4/10.

...your review, that is.

[OddDuck]

The Wolfman.

Ohhhh boy. Del Toro, Hopkins, Weaving and the ever-charming Blunty probably don't mention this one much these days.

It's a werewolf flick. That's not a spoiler, they've put Wolfie right there on the cover, complete with oh-so-necessary huge full moon as backdrop. This is about as subtle as this movie gets, anywhere from start to finish.

Sledgehammer score? Check. Requisite chases through gloomy, foggy woodland? Check. Superstitious villagers forming lynch mobs with torches? Check. Yep, actual lynch mobs with torches.

Of course there's a mansion. Of course the family in it have a chequered history filled with tragedy and loss. Of course it's all set up as a classic Victorian adventurer's pad, complete with stuffed lions, elephant guns, and a Hindu manservant. In fact it'd be hard to find a werewolf / Victorian London cliche that doesn't turn up. They even mention the Ripper in passing, but by the time that happens I realised what was going on and I started getting into it.

It's shit. But it's hilarious shit. I started laughing myself silly about the scene that The Beast carves up a circle of would-be trappers and makes absolute mincemeat of the lot of them. Fuck, I haven't laughed this hard at a movie in years. Once the viewer realises that the ridiculous crap on screen is deliberate, it's fucking great. Perfect for a Friday night after a bad week at work, especially if you've had a bevvy or two.

No bewbs, sorry, although Blunty does a back-to-cam topless scene for about three seconds. Oo.

[AllanB]

Just watch Deadpool. Most excellent.

Very much enjoyed the references to previous movies - anyone notice the junk 'freighter' was the air ship that was bombed to shit in the Avengers movie? Clever references like this through the movie.

Great mixture of action, stunts, blood and killing, tits, humor and bikes. 10/10 I feel the need to actually purchase a Blueray for the collection.

[EJK]

Hey Akzle I have a task for you.

Recommend me a really decent horror movie that's actually well made and that'll drive Chuck Norris under the bed shitting his pants.

Here are the requirements
1. Must be scary, not gory (like Conjuring 2, Blair Witch Project or Paranormal Activity. No blood and violence gut spewing type horror)
2. Actors are smart. I.e. Stupid bitch and dumb ass actors running towards the mysterious sound and gets themselves killed e.g. Scream series, Final Destination series, Wax house etc. No fucking idiot actors.
3. Must be actually well made, like "Oh, that film was actually pretty well made! Not bad..." type of feedback.

Go.