The Movie Review Thread

[Akzle]

i am srsly!

what the fuck cunt.

[Akzle]

chernobyl diaries.

i watched it through. and now regret it. the kind of regret that is going to eat away at my soul for years. i'll be warning my grandkids about making the most of their precious time, and my eyes will glaze over as i remember this exact moment. they will get bored and go off to play and it wont be until dusk, or tea time, when me ol' gal will come wrap a blanket round me and shuffle me off the porch and out of my reverie...

filmed on a vhs handycam.
being set in russia is not the same as having atmosphere.
factual fuckups a plenty (sitting inside a car with the light on and looking out into the night, rly??)
they seem to achieve a lot of dying at night but somehow while away the days.

stupid. so fucking stupid.
2/10

[Akzle]

bait.

zomg!!!11011!

best movie ever and everyone should watch it a million times




...is what no-one will ever say about it, because it's SOOOOOOO shitty.

I started watching it once, and tuned out after 5mins because it was arse. then i went back and read the tag line:

A freak tsunami traps shoppers at a coastal Australian supermarket inside the building - along with 12-foot Great White Sharks.

and thought "fuck yes!, game on!"

but they completely failed to capitalise on the ridiculousity of the premise, instead taking itself srsly and making some shit-arse hour and a half of utter horseshit.

half the actors had talent, believable characters, good at their job types. the other half were shit.
and all of them were given the lamest script and shittest direction i believe i've ever had the misfortune to witness.
i would rather have kicked puppies than seen this. and i like puppies.

1/10

[Akzle]

waiting

forgotten i'd seen it, but scrolling through my meeewvies.

funny. do watch.
8/10

[WristTwister]

Stupid fun comedy, but it might not be to everyone's taste. I thought the plot was familiar (read: Isn't that the plot from Sione's Wedding?). Two bros are complete diks and need to get their act together if they want to attend another family function (a wedding!). So they find themselves some "respectable" female dates to make them seem more respectable. *shakes head* but they aren't respectable and yeah silliness results.

[Akzle]

Hide

most of this movie happens in the last 20 minutes. unfortunately you have to endure the first hour, which is a lot like dreaming through treacle... a bit disjointed, you know it's going somewhere but cant find the "hurry the fuck up" button.

but at the end. good. not fucken good. just regular good.
superbly acted. neat scenes, camera's mounted on tripods!!!10011!, bit over-framed through the biff scenes but that's a "feature" of modern filmage.
have people just run out of bugdet or something? this two-actor film thing could be a genre of itself.

7.5/10

[AllanB]

Watched Fight Club again last night.

It was, is, and will continue to be a most excellent movie. 10/10

[OddDuck]

Tried watching Mortdecai. Not often you see names like Depp, Paltrow and McGregor signing on for a fuck-up of this scale... it's a world-class turkey, or at least the first seven minutes are. Tries very hard to be funny and engaging, utterly fails at both. Seven minutes is as far as I got.

Rewatched Sicario instead. Not really a small-screen or repeat watch movie but it's still awesome.

[Akzle]

butterfly on a wheel
weeeeeeell.
a highly strung hour and a half, makes for engaging, if not-actually *good* watching.
famouses (brosnan, maria bello, gertard butler)
a few forced bits, but generally well put together, some great filming.
7.5/10

Street Kings
didn't watch again but have seen. remember it as being good but will re-view for science.

Wasabi
it's frog. and i watched it overdubbed in english. would probably recommend subtitles instead.
hawt little azn, johnny reno. japponaise mafia.
predictable, throw-away entertainer.
for what it is 8/10.

Universal Soldier Day of reckoning
i must have completely missed the point of Universal Soldier, or this is fucking irrelevant.
a discombobulated series of john-cloud directed fight scenes, interspersed with splashy ultraviolence and a dose of epilepsy.
pretty much devoid of the cohesion required to call it a movie.
scott adkins does well as the lead. john-cloud is almost irrelevant, which is sad because he's the original unisol.
dolf-bigface McIQ-4 just jumped on because, well, what the fuck else can he do.
errrrp... 4/10. can't recomend

[HenryDorsetCase]

Has anyone seen new GHOSTBUSTERS?

Its got 73% at Rotten Tomatoes.

I love the original. They may get me on a cheap night. (thats what all the girls say)

STAR TREK BEYOND next week I think.

[HenryDorsetCase]

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA


I was BORN ready for this.

again. About once a year or so.

John Carpenter CLASSIC.


Kurt Russel is watchable in anything.

[pete376403]

Rewatched Sicario instead. Not really a small-screen or repeat watch movie but it's still awesome.

Sicario is good. Lead female character was annoying, but that's just part of the story.

[Akzle]

the backup plan

chicky flick, certainly one you wouldn't watch with the boys, or probably even by yourself. but it has funnies, and j-lo, so you wont regret watching it with your chick of choice.

6.5/10

towelhead

this really should be in a post of it's own. it's truly a stand-apart flick (one for crasher maybe...)
grown ups time, for sure. this isn't to be viewed lightly, even though it wasn't presented as especially dark, and sprinkled with comedic elements, it still treads some srs IRL ground.

i feel it manages to get the perspective right, which is rare: a child dealing with (mostly pretty shitty) adults while discovering sexuality. a story line that could have easily tripped a lesser cast/crew up, while these ones fair skipped along for two fucken hours.
it nearly lost me a couple of times, just got boring, but somehow does make you want to keep watching.

while so often it's really obvious that an adult has portrayed how they think a child sees, or should see, this movie was pretty much devoid of that, and full of the gaps in language and understanding...

the she-actor was 18 but manages to play a 13 year old really, really well.

well done. very well done.
9/10

street kings
mmmyeah. nah. not great.
not bad, by any stretch, specially for K-nu. and a pretty gnarly plot. just lacked any real wow.\

7.5/10

[AllanB]

Kurt Russel is watchable in anything.

Tango & Cash - revisited this recently - great chemistry with the lead pair and Jack Palance as the baddie - superb.


Grew up watching Kurt Russel. I watched Bone Homahawk a while back - a American Western with a interesting Indian twist. Good performance from a older grizzly looking Mr Russel. Slightly disturbing movie worth a look for a spin on the genre.

[Akzle]

striptease

!!!110111!!!!!

demi moore (hubbahubba)... as a stripper!

how have i NOT seen this??

as a movie.... actually not bad.
comedic, tits. win.