The Movie Review Thread

[Virago]

Dad's Army

Finally got around to watching this. A reasonably good representation of the old sitcom, with the characters not too badly recreated. An acceptable if slightly predictable plot, which reflected the style of the original series. Catherine Zeta Jones added some nice colour.

6.5/10

[pete376403]

Bastille Day - Action set in Paris, Idris Elba (Luther, Stringer Bell in The Wire) versus gansters, cops, pickpockets, rioters, A bit of nudity, car chases, violence.
Not high art but not too bad either 7.5/10

[OddDuck]

13 Hours

Amazingly restrained, for a Michael Bay film. Generally I can't stand his work but he goes with authenticity here and it works.

Benghazi, Libya. Quaddafi has fallen, various militias have got into his huge arsenals, and now it's one of the most dangerous places on earth. Almost all diplomatic missions have left, aside from one official envoy from the USA, and a (supposedly) covert CIA station which is attempting to monitor the illegal arms situation.

The movie is about the real-life attempt by several of the militias to kidnap the ambassador and then storm the CIA station. There are just eight men in their way, six ex-military private security contractors who are stationed there as glorified bodyguards, and the diplomat's less seasoned two-man protection detail.

There's a little bit (just a bit) of USA flag-waving. There's a bit of grown men getting teary and emotional and doing the brothers in arms bonding thing. It can be difficult sometimes to keep tabs on who's who, and what's happening where. It can also be difficult to hear what people are saying, which is a shame, because the dialogue's fucking great.

The action is handled very, very well... not least because Bay goes to great lengths to build up, and (one slightly Hollywood explosion aside) never gives in to excess. It might be extreme at times but it feels authentic.

The movie really works best in two areas: how everyone seems to know what's going on except the Americans (and how scary that gets), and what it's like to be on the blower for whatever help you can get... and nothing's coming.

8 / 10.

[MD]

13 Hours

Amazingly restrained, for a Michael Bay film. Generally I can't stand his work but he goes with authenticity here and it works.

....

The movie really works best in two areas: how everyone seems to know what's going on except the Americans (and how scary that gets), and what it's like to be on the blower for whatever help you can get... and nothing's coming.

8 / 10.

Second that recommendation. Really enjoyed this movie. Especially when at the end credits they showed the real people and what became of them. Just like in Lone Survivor. That adds creditworthiness to the movie.
Well done what the US Secretary of State (or Defence Secretary?) did to 're-enlist' the worse injured so he would get free Army medical care.

Shameful that after they asked for air support and were turned down. They then asked for a simple fly-by to scare off the attackers to buy them some time, but were again declined help.

[Akzle]

the hungover games

tee and hee. not often parodies are worth much (since what, scary movie?) but this one's good (for what it is)
liberal with the tits (the actress was 25, not 17... =) and i'm not entirely sure if they were her tits anyway.. a body double probably. shame.)
and i'm sure the credits are actually pornography.
takes the piss out of this era of cinema. not laugh a minute, and some incredibly stupid shit. but still. for what it is
8/10

13 assassins

yo dawg i heard u like swordfights.
if not better give this one a miss as fully half of the 3 hours is swordplay.

A psychopathic nip-king gets his ass handed to him by 13 sam'rai. well acted (particularly our psycho, but also the other 2 man-leads. in fact, no-one overplayed it.) quite faithful to peroid and wardrobe, great make ups. Not a whole lot of SFX but not needed.
Action comedy would be the genre, though not much of the latter, but enough to make it less srs.
8/10
not jin suitable, if you look closely you see a boy taking a piss.

[Akzle]

pompeii
save yourself the anguish and put mentos ina bottle of coke for entertainment.
I dint know how much they paid for that fucking volcano but it got a lot of screen time.
thoroughly holywood. thoroughly arse. and browning (a la sucker punch) didnt even get the goods out.
just.. trite rubbish
3/10
suitable for jin IQ. but also has bare man-ass, so no.

[Akzle]

Day Watch.

recommend. it's brilliant. 2hr epic rusky vampy drivey bikey headtrip.

do not recommend if on acid!

9/10

[Akzle]

choke (2008)

we're on a roll with great movies.
com-rom, probably. grins pretty much all the way, with nudity and fucking and a story.
well filmed, acted, scripted.

9/10
not jin suitable as contains partial man-nudty and even SEX!

[Akzle]

The movie really works best in two areas: how everyone seems to know what's going on except the Americans (and how scary that gets), and what it's like to be on the blower for whatever help you can get... and nothing's coming.

8 / 10.

nope. just pretty typical american rhetoric, humanising soldiers and ignoring the reasons they're actually there.(while sipping budweisers and playing xbox) (with fps pov cams to make it look like xbox, to keep all the kids thinking shit's cool)
with stupid chain of command, poor comms. generally the shit america has been fucking up since nam.

and for fuck sake, if you're in a bathroom (with *dun dun* towels and water) guess what you can jamb up against the door to stop smoke getting in? (of course if smoke is down at floor level you're pretty well fucked)
and then fumbling, while *standing up* in a room on fire. and these niggers are supposed to be trained at not-dying?? did they miss fucking primary school?

as entertainment, meh. black hawk down with the background changed a bit. same gay fucking story, different actors, 20 years newer tech.

really, just propaganda bullshit. no matter how well acted (which was nothing notably above any decent film)

5.5/10

[Akzle]

and offensively long.

and does any cunt still stack tracers in their mags??

[Akzle]

Jason Bourne was fairly good.

Riot squad vehicle seemed to be made by Knight Industries 2000 though. It managed to destroy everything without getting hurt.

8/10

03:00
pissed camera guy makes that shit unwatchable.

[Akzle]

Bastille Day - Action set in Paris, Idris Elba (Luther, Stringer Bell in The Wire) versus gansters, cops, pickpockets, rioters, A bit of nudity, car chases, violence.
Not high art but not too bad either 7.5/10

did enjoy.

few irksomes: how the fuck do you get caught with >3 storeys of initiative?? doesn't matter how black the cunt is...

overdone CQs.

liked the sly ironing, "nevermind the gold, there's ten times more here [in the computer]" stupid jew cunts.

and also at the inter-agency fighting, that the cops had the same attitudes as the masses (fuck the system), the manipulation of internets (and by extension sheeple), hastags and shit, the complete lack of empathy by the manipulators (true story bro, shit's IRL).

well acted, not too OTT, solid if not entirely original plot, well paced.
and kindof llides effortlessly between parlez français and english.
wholly, very well cut.
would recommend
also 8/10.

[Akzle]

He Never Died.

ar fuck. had a long ars review typed out then the fucking cunt binned.

not a bad flick. new-era vampiric. a shame they didn't make more use of the younger vagina.

pretty half-done.

will re-type if/when i cbf.

7/10

[Akzle]

I hope they serve beer in hell

now, for anyone not acquainted with tucker max, the whole thing will be pretty fucking redundant.
his are the stories that read well (are fucking hilarious), but the translation to film just takes the coconut off his lamingtonn leaving you with an overdry, slightly yellow sponge cake.
it's not for a lack of trying, rather that they're all "you had to be there" and if you've read his shit, nothing will come as a surprise.

wholly artless.
4/10

not jin suitable, contains man-bum

[Akzle]

commando

1985. hell yeah! all the worst of the 80s rolled into 90minutes of complete shit.
arnie at his 'roided out best, too much bullets, crap puns, almost no dialogue, a soundtrack from similar vintage porn, vehicle suspension like jelly. i hope and pray, that if there's intelligent life somewhere in the universe that this is their introduction to humanity.

I've seen many, maybe most, arnie flicks, and this one's just as great.
9/10.
(but as actual cinema, more like 3)


silent hill revelation (it says 3d on the box, but my screen aint 3d.)

starts off like any mediocre horror, a dream sequence with BOO!, which made me shit and almost turn it off.
but it's not long before you get to that other-place, the jumpy scenes taper off and you get into that great konami-head-trip (if they want to be remembered for DDR then they should all seppuku) and while it breaks no new ground, and the script is kinda only enough to facilitate getting through the environs, it's totally worth it.
has atmosphere, but (and i blame the sheila) doesn't feel greatly authentic. too much screamy shit.

doesn't really stack anything on the first, just shows off a half dozen years of advancement in computer graphics. but great creatures.

worth watching once. just for it's own sake.
8/10
-edit- i should mention that it kinda ticks all the boxes on SH cliches. no bad thing, but it goes on to use them in ways not necessarily intended by their creators - which is good.