The Movie Review Thread

**Moi** · 6th February 2018, 09:44

Originally Posted by R650R

... Comedians in cars getting Coffee with Seinfeld... mostly shit but the one with Sarah Parker from sex and city in her stationwagon is cool...

**Akzle** · 7th February 2018, 20:26

moonrise kingdom

filmed in 2012, set in 196x. starring brucewillisman, ed norton, frances mcdormand, bill murray, tilda swinton, and the underage tits of kara hayward.

filmed with the heavy hand of wes anderson (being written and directed by: ), not dissimilarly assembled to "the grand budapest hotel" - the imagery is top notch. the vintage isn't used as excuse nor crutch.

it's quaint and melancholy and delightful and other wholesome-praises.

9.5/10

focus

is bill smith and some boobs. isn't overplayed, could be IRL, but not sure. not much rom, quiet comedies, a fairly toit, if predictable, story.

did enjoy.
8.5/10

**Berries** · 7th February 2018, 20:33

7/10.

But take some kids with you or you get a few funny looks.

**Akzle** · 10th February 2018, 16:50

the gambler

slow pacing makes the hour and a half feel longer. some neat visuals, some insight into addiction. pretty tight all the way through, epic soundtrack. everyone has their acting socks on.

solid 8.5/10

mercenaries

i mean... was this written by femists or something? the dialogue is just so shit. everything is explained to the point that even a blind guy could watch it. like they narrate the shit they're doing.
mossively unclever writing.

and who has a 4x32 scope on a fucking .338?? not to mention that the recoil would basically flip little miss bitchtits on her ass. and resting your very expensively free-floated barrel to get a shot off? just... fucking.. ridiculous.
and how much shit can you possibly strap to an MP5? i mean. i get that women can't handle the might of a 5.56 (

) (which i assume is what they were trying to make it look like) but rly?
going to fistycuffs when everyone is carrying firearms? wtf?

GMC trucks and shiney jeep wranglers in a third world country? tyres squealing on metal roads?

mad continuity errors. even the tits and liberal cheap gun SFX couldn't redeem this.
i'm guessing all the men got daily blowjobs because there's no other way you could be involved in this and keep your dignity.
i watched it to the end. mercy.
i mean, i get that making a movie requires a particular skillset, and not a little budget, but if you have neither, then why the fuck would you waste everyone's time trying?

2.5/10

**Akzle** · 13th February 2018, 15:21

drive hard

STRAYA! FUK YEA!

must have been a limited release as i don't remember hearing much about it. bit of a shame cos it's quite good. not high art, but wry comedy. car chases and guns.

8/10

Love and Bullets (1979)

ahh, back in the golden age of cinema, when men were men and moustaches were moustaches. (featuring the moustache of charles bronson.)
high grade, given the era, probably high budget too, but i guess they had to justify a trip to switzerland somehow.
highly improbable macguyver-esque violence. seriously over-intense soundtrack, lots and lots of establishing shots and time-in-between-happenings.
but well filmed. a shame they weren't a bit more risqué and put some tits on.

still solid. 8.5/10

**Akzle** · 19th February 2018, 20:32

death sentence
featuring the snout (kevin bacon.)
kindee skips over all the plot that might have made it sensical.
how is a suit even remotely matched to a gangster in CQ? his family all get killed off, and he still takes his sweet time getting to firearms. and just co-incidentally, gets to buying them illegally off the same guy as the gangs?
i mean it's cool. but doesn't give much... anything. typical hollywood action fare

6/10

the hills have eyes
classed as "horror"
should be classed "horrible"
featuring a bunch of no-name nobodies. paper thin plot, some deliverance-rape thrown in for ??? cliché camera devices, hackney everything.
and you mean to sell me a trained (american) cop is going to let off four shots at nothing, and not check the back seat?
ditz wife sees bino/scope reflection... and does nothing?
you have a firearm and walk in on two assailants... then run a fucking mile to check out the distraction?
fire extinguisher that lasts for liek, 5 minutes??
srsly. brain's day off when putting this together.

only redeeming feature was the makeups on the mutants. but they were only introduced incidentally, their story laid out in conveniently sighted newspaper articles.
and a pansy walking into a building with a baseball bat (and failing to clear his sectors), while kid has loaded gun and does...what?
and when pansy has a loaded shotgun, and advantage... and uses the blunt end?
i mean. this really is aaron stanford's (yeah i knw ryt. who??) flick. but.
just. so shit.
3/10

**AllanB** · 19th February 2018, 20:50

Originally Posted by Akzle

the hills have eyes

3/10

Is that the one with the weird mutant titty sucking scene?

Agree with your rating.

There is a second movie too - have not seen it though.

**AllanB** · 19th February 2018, 20:52

Watched Open Grave on the box last weekend.

Not bad for what is probably now a zombie movie (virus gets out, mutates most of the population....)

**Akzle** · 19th February 2018, 21:23

Originally Posted by AllanB

Is that the one with the weird mutant titty sucking scene?

Agree with your rating.

There is a second movie too - have not seen it though.

dont know if it got to sucking. it started out with tongue.

unless they had a different director, editor, crew and producers, i would give the second one a miss. the younger of the actors could do well, given the chance...

**Akzle** · 19th February 2018, 21:26

Originally Posted by AllanB

Watched Open Grave on the box last weekend.

Not bad for what is probably now a zombie movie (virus gets out, mutates most of the population....)

clive owen comes to mind...
if it's what i'm thinking of, then i thought it pretty poos.

**Akzle** · 21st February 2018, 17:14

dark city

"sci fi" (not my thing)
a bit "truman show" a bit "blade runner" a bit "sin city" (chroma, cops... dunno) probably some others thrown in.

feels rather dated for mid-90s (think "dune" level sfx)

enjoyed it though. has j.connelly (hawt) and some other peoplethings. nothing outstanding. and for all they say they "took people from every era" it seems to be squarely 50s

going... ... ... 7.5/10

**pritch** · 2nd March 2018, 13:39

It may have been mentioned already but...

Netflix has "Guy Martin's Spitfire". OK, Guy Martin a very much a bit player in the restoration job, and he does show embarrassment when the description of his part in the process gets too vivid. Technically I don't see how it qualifies as a restoration because there was very little left of the original, it was primarily used as a pattern. Having said that, if you like aeroplanes, if yer a Guy Martin fan, or even if you've got an hour or so to spare, it's worth a look.

**Akzle** · 2nd March 2018, 14:35

kill command

all heil the robot overlords.
pretty simplistic depiction of adaptive AI (or SAR as they call it) and still plays on human-psych out of things with more eyes and legs than us (giant spider bot things)
neat robots, not cheap on the sfx. not unruly with the combats.
average fare shootey action war flick. didn't notice a lot of gore so probably pretty mild rating.

enjoyed though. 8/10

**AllanB** · 2nd March 2018, 17:45

Originally Posted by pritch

I Technically I don't see how it qualifies as a restoration because there was very little left of the original, it was primarily used as a pattern.

I should add this to Friday rants - cocks who did up a 1922 Ford/whatever from a slime pit, reveling a rusted hulk and then 'restore' it by basically copying the serial numbers.

**pritch** · 2nd March 2018, 19:42

Originally Posted by AllanB

I should add this to Friday rants - cocks who did up a 1922 Ford/whatever from a slime pit, reveling a rusted hulk and then 'restore' it by basically copying the serial numbers.

Ah yes but you should watch the show first. They did a nice job.