A better life?

[feistyredhead]

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into
bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of
his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are
you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter,
and you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as
a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being
a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and
relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run,
really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end
was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he
said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to
explode."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going
on. You need to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Tom asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and
then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again
and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet
another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he
heard his wife shout:
"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over
the bed!"

[SixPackBack]

Yeah but what happend to the chicken?

[Coyote]

lolololololololuulh!!!

[bugjuice]

lamo.. i had a dreammmm.....

[Swoop]

Gary came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Gary, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Gary was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Gary was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Gary, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Gary

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head ....






























and heard his wife shouting

"Gary, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you're sh*tting the bed"

[Goblin]

Lol...Very good indeed!

[Sniper]

Hahaha, brilliant

[The Beast]

Shit, that's funny....

pun intended...

[cousa1]

excellent joke

[Colapop]

I laughed, I puked, I near about shit myself!

[Big Chim]

Sounds like a usual saturday night after being on the gas

[ducatilover]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

gasp

hahahahaha

[slofox]

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are
you?', demanded Dave , 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter ..'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got
to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said,
'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave , 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.'

'Never', replies Dave ..

'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood
for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him . . ... Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting...

' Dave , wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the fucking bed !!'

[mdnzz]

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”. Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Jason. “Well just relax and let it happen”. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”