Off to sea.

**White trash** · 16th May 2005, 17:18

A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life
By throwing herself into Wellington Harbour. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Listen, you've got a lot to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you
Away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every
day". Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added
with a wink, "I'll make you happy and you can make me happy."
The blonde nodded "Yes" through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a
lifeboat, along with blankets and food.
From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches, water, wine and fruit and they would make mad, passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was
discovered by the Captain. "What the hell are you doing here?" the
Captain demanded angrily.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I
Get free food and a trip to Europe. Meanwhile," (she says coyly), "he's taking
advantage of me so to speak (wink, wink).
"He sure as hell is, lady," the Captain said, "this is the Picton ferry.

**Storm** · 16th May 2005, 17:28

Thanks for that mate

**Holy Roller** · 16th May 2005, 17:32

had to laugh
Is this the start of another rash of blonde jokes?

**Sniper** · 17th May 2005, 09:03

Hahaha, thats very nice. Hehehe, now where did my blonde sister go these past few weeks?

**Sparky Bills** · 17th May 2005, 09:09

CLASSIC!!

**bugjuice** · 17th May 2005, 09:16

lamo.. gud

**Maximus** · 17th May 2005, 09:20

Just what I need, LMAO!

**ManDownUnder** · 17th May 2005, 10:27

An oldie but a goodie...

MDU

Al · 17th May 2005, 21:01

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

**Coyote** · 17th May 2005, 21:13

Hahahaha haha ha ha ha.... Blonde jokes again

**gav** · 17th May 2005, 22:23

**Gremlin** · 17th May 2005, 23:52

Originally Posted by Al

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Offend?? There must be more I haven't seen?? Just about everyone was hilarious...

**250learna** · 18th May 2005, 00:29

ohh yes, gota love em blond jokes

**White trash** · 18th May 2005, 11:14

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spots an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolls to a stop at the kerb, a figure leaps into the cab and slams the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulls away, the cabbie is startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Er, where to?" he stammers. "Just take me to the Union Station," answers the woman. "You got it," he nods, taking another long glance in the mirror.
Looking up, the woman catches him staring. "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" The driver coughs politely. "Well, I'd just noticed that you're completely naked." "So?" "Well I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare." Nodding slowly, the woman spreads her legs and puts her feet up on the front seat headrests. "Well," she smiles at the driver. "Does this answer your question?"
"Bloody hell," cries the cabbie, still staring in the mirror. "Got anything smaller?"