A couple of highly distasteful jokes - DON'T read if you're the sensitive type...

[Swoop]

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if
they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest
and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate
ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your
ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was
killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial
to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in
laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why
did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming

You forgot the punchline of "and he was carrying pineapples".

[kevfromcoro]

A muderious pedaphile is walking through the bush late at night with a young boy.
Its pitch black,, and the boy says.... shit this scarry...
The man says... dont know what you are worried about...
I have to walk out of here bymyself.

[Stirts]

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.


How do you kill 100 files in one shot?
Slap an Ethiopian on the face

[Skinon]

Haha thanks for that, was quite early in the morn and i forgot the main part

[Skinon]

*Job application*

Young male wanted to act as mudflap for 1979 cortina
Must be flexible and willing to travel.

[Number One]

Went to my girlfriends the other day. She has a new baby girl. Gorgeous wee thing only 6 weeks old..soo teeny tiny.

Anyway she needed to nip to the loo so she asked if I could wind the baby...I agreed but while she was away I decided that it was a bit cruel to wind such a small baby so I gave it a dead leg instead