an irish tale

[bugjuice]

Two guys are sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I."

"Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar on this very night. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me own self."

About this time, another guy walks into the bar,sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."

[Quasievil]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA bloody good one son

[MSTRS:Me]

That's better than this one...
Two Irishmen were working for the city works department. One would dig a
hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on
to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy
digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what
they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort
you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it, why do you dig a
hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably
looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who
plants the trees called in sick."

[Stroker Girl]

This is favourite of mine.

Paddy had been drinking in his local Dublin pub all day and
most of the night. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy".

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite"! He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto
the pavement. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed". He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night"? Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd you know"?

"Mick called ................You left your wheelchair at the pub".

[SPman]

"Mick called ................You left your wheelchair at the pub".




I Feckin luv it!

[Biff]

3 great jokes.

My attempt:

Paddy is working on the building site one day when his boss walked over to him, handed him a lump of shit, and said, "it's ten past threi".

"What's dat for?", asked Paddy.
"Fur wurkin da weekend Paddy. Oye appreciate it", replied the boss.
"Hang on dere a minute", said Paddy,"You said youd pay me good money for workin da weekend".
"No I didn't", replied the bass. "Oi said oi'd give yee time and a turd"

[scumdog]

3 great jokes.

My attempt:

Paddy is working on the building site one day when his boss walked over to him, handed him a lump of shit, and said, "it's ten past threi".

"What's dat for?", asked Paddy.
"Fur wurkin da weekend Paddy. Oye appreciate it", replied the boss.
"Hang on dere a minute", said Paddy,"You said youd pay me good money for workin da weekend".
"No I didn't", replied the bass. "Oi said oi'd give yee time and a turd"

That is excruciating!!

[Biff]

That is excruciating!!

You think that's bad......

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Takiiillaaa.

[Storm]

You think that's bad......

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Takiiillaaa.

I dont know why I laughed, but yet I did.

[Skunk]

Please stop now Biff...

[MSTRS:Me]

Now to get this thread back on task....

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

[ManDownUnder]

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."

aaa the pain - the PAIN!!!!!!

bloody funny - glad I stopped in here now!!!

MDU

[scumdog]

Now to get this thread back on task....

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

Top marks! Right up there with the first joke

[bear]

Probably heard this one before, but (could just as easily be Irish)

An old Maori man lived alone at his family home in the Hokianga. He
wanted to dig his kumara garden, but it was very hard work. His only
son, Hone, who used to help him, was in the new Ngawhawha prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Kia ora e Hone,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my kumara garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up the hard ground for my garden plot. I know if you were here,
all my troubles would be over as I know you would dig the garden plot
for me.
Arohanui, Papa.

A few days later he received a reply from his son:

E Pa, Whatever you do don't dig that garden.
That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Hone.

At 4am the next morning the Whangarei C.I.B and the local police arrived
with a search warrant and dug up the entire area without finding any
bodies. They apologised and left.

Later the same day the old man received another letter from his son:
E Pa, Go ahead and plant your kumara now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.
Love, Hone.

[Coyote]

Probably heard this one before, but (could just as easily be Irish)

An old Maori man lived alone at his family home in the Hokianga. He
wanted to dig his kumara garden, but it was very hard work. His only
son, Hone, who used to help him, was in the new Ngawhawha prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Kia ora e Hone,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my kumara garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up the hard ground for my garden plot. I know if you were here,
all my troubles would be over as I know you would dig the garden plot
for me.
Arohanui, Papa.

A few days later he received a reply from his son:

E Pa, Whatever you do don't dig that garden.
That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Hone.

At 4am the next morning the Whangarei C.I.B and the local police arrived
with a search warrant and dug up the entire area without finding any
bodies. They apologised and left.

Later the same day the old man received another letter from his son:
E Pa, Go ahead and plant your kumara now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.
Love, Hone.

Bloody good one