Paying child support

[firefighter]

My issue is why should I have to pay child support when I will never get to see when I want to nor spend time with the child who I am paying child support for because of the miles between us. Not fair.

I did'nt think they could take the child out of the country without your permission? (a mate has just been through this)

Tell them you'll pay child support as long as you still get your weekend visits. (It'll get expensive to fly him home every weekend!)

Personally I think it's ludicrous to have to pay child support if they move overseas.......

[Paul in NZ]

Yes this is to me a very difficult time and all I want to do is cry everytime I think about it. I personally feel that I have failed as a parent cos of her wanting to go and live with her Father and now wanting to go overseas with him.

Stop being an arse....

You have NOT failed - you got her this far alive, thats the basic pass mark. Take confidence that you know whats right and wrong and never be afaid of NO! The little buggers can smell weakness and have a way of making you feel a failure and thus its all your fault (unless it goes well og course in which case its their own brillience)

Reach into the inner bitch - take strength!

Rule 1. YOU must survive this, nor self sacrifice here...

Rule 2. If you think NO say NO

[Jonno.]

Make her stay.

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Did you try to stop them from leaving the country. Because as i understand they have to have your permission to take child/children out of the country or you can stop them going.

[karla]

You know, he could possibly be grateful to not have to look after her over there, and she might feel relieved that she doesn't have to change school/make new friends/leave the security of a country that she knows etc. Your setting down the rules might give her the opportunity to later say thank you; it could be that she is putting on a brave face for her dad and not being honest about her fears. Teenagers need boundaries - tough love.

Perhaps you could agree to her going for a visit, to test out the waters first, before she makes any rash decisions. And/or make it clear that she is welcome back with you, should she find herself homesick and lonely. Leave the doors open. I don't think that this is about the money, or even about being scared to upset anyone, it is all about the love you have for your daughter. Tell her you love her, often.

[Duke girl]

That is 1 thing I tell both my girls that I love them and I have always praised them up when the have done well. Yet my X thinks that being a good parent is buying them what they want which he use to do when we were together. Telling your children that you love them and always being there for them through not only the good times but the bad times as well to me is being a good parent and yet children today think otherwise. I have never stopped them from being with their father when they have wanted to and never will even though what i think of him I keep to myself, but I just find it hard to understand todays generation and the way they think compared to the way we did at their age. I know times have changed and I guess its all about trying to keep up with that who knows. I am seeking legal advice so I can put my mind at ease and get the answers I am looking for regarding this before it actually happens.

[phred]

Eh? You only have to pay child support through the IRD if the child's parent is on the DPB. If they are working for example, you can have your own arrangement. At least that is how I understand it.

Wrong! You pay child support as soon as the custodial parent files a claim at IRD child support and it immediately overrides any private agreement. Also just to make it more ludicrous you are unable to get back the money paid via your private arrangement that was paid concurrently with the payment to IRD so you gety to pat twice!

[phred]

If the custodial parent has left the country, then one can assume that they are not on a benefit. So nothing to pay there.
If IRD were collecting and passing on, one would assume that they are either still able to pass on (pay as usual) or not able to pass on (why should you pay, then...it's not going where it's supposed to)

Clearly you have not been through our wonderful child support system. It does run on logic!! IRD collects until the child is 19 or fully employed ie more than 30 hrs per week regardless of private arrangements, country of residence or access to children.

[MSTRS:Me]

Clearly you have not been through our wonderful child support system. It does run on logic!! IRD collects until the child is 19 or fully employed ie more than 30 hrs per week regardless of private arrangements, country of residence or access to children.

Oh, yes I have. But didn't have the added hassle of international shit.
As for a child living overseas...IRD would have to have a way to get the money to the custodial parent. How can they justify collecting money without being able to pay it on?

[phred]

The Hague convention prevents a child from being taken (abducted) from his/her country of birth unless both parents are agreeable, so that your child's right to have access to both parents is protected.

~

No it doesn't. Children get taken out of the country against their other parents wishes all the time. The Hague convention provides a framework to try and recover the children. Not always successfully.

[phred]

Did you try to stop them from leaving the country. Because as i understand they have to have your permission to take child/children out of the country or you can stop them going.

Only if you get a CAPS listing in place in which case customs clearance traps them

[phred]

Oh, yes I have. But didn't have the added hassle of international shit.
As for a child living overseas...IRD would have to have a way to get the money to the custodial parent. How can they justify collecting money without being able to pay it on?

Sorry for the assumption and my sympathies for being there. The act allows collection regardless of being able to pass it on. They are quite happy to keep it until the custodial parent claims it.

[phred]

That is 1 thing I tell both my girls that I love them and I have always praised them up when the have done well. Yet my X thinks that being a good parent is buying them what they want which he use to do when we were together. Telling your children that you love them and always being there for them through not only the good times but the bad times as well to me is being a good parent and yet children today think otherwise. I have never stopped them from being with their father when they have wanted to and never will even though what i think of him I keep to myself, but I just find it hard to understand todays generation and the way they think compared to the way we did at their age. I know times have changed and I guess its all about trying to keep up with that who knows. I am seeking legal advice so I can put my mind at ease and get the answers I am looking for regarding this before it actually happens.

I feel your pain. Keep smiling and know that all things come to an end and when life gets really difficult go ride your bike. Just don't do it after an argument with the ex the risks are too high!

[MSTRS:Me]

Sorry for the assumption and my sympathies for being there. The act allows collection regardless of being able to pass it on. They are quite happy to keep it until the custodial parent claims it.

It was 25 years ago...
But doesn't that just suck!! Thing is, IRD would have to have been collecting it before the parent/child went overseas. They would have a bank account where they transferred the collected monies. If that bank account closed (say), wouldn't that be a flag to them to 'review' the situation?

[karla]

No it doesn't. Children get taken out of the country against their other parents wishes all the time. The Hague convention provides a framework to try and recover the children. Not always successfully.

I stand corrected. It also only gives a degree of protection between those countries that have joined in the Hague Convention, afaik.