THE most stupid joke...

[Marmoot]

An Americanised Derek & Clive...

Who are Derek & Clive?
(seriously....)

[MSTRS:Me]

Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

[Krayy]

Who are Derek & Clive?
(seriously....)

Way back in the 60's/70's there was a comedy duo made up of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, or just "Pete & Dud". They had a extremely funny show called "Not only, but also" (and most memorable for the episode where at the end they shot Pete & Dud and a grand piano off of the flight deck of the HMS Ark Royal), which had a lot of character sketches in it.

Two of the characters in the show were pub mates who sat around telling tall stories and drinking a bit (bloody Jane Russell). They took this concept to an exterme one evening, with a bottle of whiskey and a mircophone and "Derek and Clive" were born. They made quite a few albums/tapes (of which I have a few of) in this manner and just prattle on about anything and everything, pissed out of their noggins and using the most extreme language. A lot of their stuff was crap, but some of it was pure genius (if you're drunk while listening to it). Classic bits like "Worst job i ever had" (you DON'T want to know) and "Worlds biggest bogey" will live forever in infamy.

[Krayy]

Host: "And now our guest from five-years-ago-tonight - Bob Bitchin! How are ya Bob?"
Bob Bitchin: "Hhhhhnnnnnnnnnn."
Host: "Oh, the same, huh? That's great!"

Host: Last time we met, Bob won the grand prize of a years supply of Maui-Wowie. So Bob, what have you been doing for the last 5 years?
Bob: 5 years man...
Host Yeah Bob, but what have you been doing?
Bob: 5 years man...
Host: Yeah Bob, but WHAT have you been doing?
Bob: 5 years....
Hosts: Oh, I see. You've been DOING 5 years....
Bob: Yeah, I got caught with that stash you gave me...

[MSTRS:Me]

Way back in the 60's/70's there was a comedy duo made up of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, or just "Pete & Dud". They had a extremely funny show called "Not only, but also" (and most memorable for the episode where at the end they shot Pete & Dud and a grand piano off of the flight deck of the HMS Ark Royal), which had a lot of character sketches in it.

Two of the characters in the show were pub mates who sat around telling tall stories and drinking a bit (bloody Jane Russell). They took this concept to an exterme one evening, with a bottle of whiskey and a mircophone and "Derek and Clive" were born. They made quite a few albums/tapes (of which I have a few of) in this manner and just prattle on about anything and everything, pissed out of their noggins and using the most extreme language. A lot of their stuff was crap, but some of it was pure genius (if you're drunk while listening to it). Classic bits like "Worst job i ever had" (you DON'T want to know) and "Worlds biggest bogey" will live forever in infamy.

And Nurse....
nurse (grunt)
Nurse (gr,,umph)
NURSE (gruntgrumpleoooh)
NURSE (flubberscrunchfart....squelch)
I'm not going to change your sheets again, Mr Hastings

[Krayy]

I was in Whitcoulls at lunchtime and they had a copy of "The complete Pete & Dud". Had transcripts of most of their better sketches (incl. some Derek & Clive) and nice forewords and stories from Peter Cooks son. $70 bucks though.....i might be there tomorrow come to think of it....

[mikey]

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?

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DO YA WANNA BUY A FUCKEN CHICKEN!!!!!!

crasky upshit

[Biff]

My father was so mean one christmas I asked him for a homing pigeon and an Action Man.

I got a budgie on an elastic band and an empty box.
I asked him what the empty box was and he told me it was an Action Man Deserter. Wanker.